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Mark Reads Twilight (Blog)
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Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) | |
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MarkReadsTwilight | |
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In the blog of Mark Reads Twilight, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY OH GOD WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY why WHY why why, why WHY. Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Twilight.In August 2009, Mark "PanasonicYouth" Oshiro, then community manager of the blogging network Buzznet, decided to see what all the fuss was about with those Twilight books.The result was a completely unique journey that was part MST, part After-Action Report, part Review Blog, and part autobiography comparing the events in Mark's life to the story in the books. Initially holding a somewhat neutral view of the series as literature before they began to read it, Mark slowly began to go mad as they progressed through the series. Somehow they got through all five books (yes, even Midnight Sun).They eventually started another blog with the same format, Mark Reads Harry Potter, before continuing into other books, movies and media at Mark Does Stuff.In October 2015, changes to the Buzznet platform resulted in all of their Twilight and Harry Potter reviews being removed from the internet. They are still available for purchase at their online store, MarkDoesStuff.com. | |
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Dropped link to AfterActionReport: Not a Feature - ITEM | |
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| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_1439161f | type |
Heroic BSoD | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_1439161f | comment |
Heroic BSoD: Mark breaks down into rage at several chapters, but when they came to Chapter 18 of Breaking Dawn (the one with the vampire-tooth caesarian and Jacob imprinting on a newborn infant) they broke down in a whole different way. | |
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| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_177a6464 | type |
Genre Shift | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_177a6464 | comment |
Genre Shift: Mark's chapter reviews have been everything from straight-up MSTs to plays, essays, incoherent rants, randomly smashing their keyboard, various characters calling out Smeyer over the stupidity of the plot, and even a fake autopsy. | |
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| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_1e3a9a21 | type |
Angrish | |
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Angrish: Very often, of the "cat walking on a keyboard" variety. | |
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Aborted Arc | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_23698fa8 | comment |
Aborted Arc: They only got to Chapter 5 of Midnight Sun. However, two months later they reviewed the last seven chapters all at once, in a single video. | |
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| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_29e6dc40 | type |
HypocriticalHumour | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_29e6dc40 | comment |
Hypocritical Humour: For their review of the 'climatic' chapter of Breaking Dawn, Mark imagines an absolutely beautiful piece of hate mail to Meyer from the ghost of William Shakespeare, calling her out on all the ways in which she tries to emulate them and fails. The Funny Moment, if you're familiar with Shakespeare, comes right at the end: | |
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| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_31da1e24 | type |
Shipper on Deck | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_31da1e24 | comment |
Shipper on Deck: Mark becomes one for Bella/Jacob a few chapters into New Moon. They stop after the rape-kiss incident in Eclipse, however. | |
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| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_35a858b3 | type |
Cluster F-Bomb | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_35a858b3 | comment |
Cluster F-Bomb: Frequently in the later books. And the occasional Precision F-Strike too. | |
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Flat "What" | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_3c88d6c2 | comment |
Flat "What": A common reaction to some of more idiotic moments in the series. | |
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| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_466ccbb4 | type |
Gayngst | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_466ccbb4 | comment |
Gayngst: Not as prevalent as in their Harry Potter reviews, but still there. | |
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Madden Into Misanthropy | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_524f397c | comment |
Madden Into Misanthropy: You get the feeling that this series sucked all the joy out of Mark's heart. | |
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| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_62434fe2 | type |
Sanity Slippage | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_62434fe2 | comment |
In Chapter 18, when Edward tells Bella that he will hold her personally responsible for whatever happens to her, Mark finally loses it: | |
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Driven to Suicide | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_6d332aea | comment |
Driven to Suicide: Mark in Chapter 3 of New Moon. | |
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| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_7d89315b | type |
"The Reason You Suck" Speech | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_7d89315b | comment |
"The Reason You Suck" Speech: Many. | |
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| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_7fbe9a30 | type |
Freak Out | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_7fbe9a30 | comment |
Mark went absolutely batshit when Meyer quoted Orson Scott Card in the preface to chapter 19 of Breaking Dawn. | |
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Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_808cbaeb | comment |
Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: In one of their reviews they posted a creepy picture for every creepy thing Bella thinks. They apologized for the one of a man in tight golden pants. | |
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Back from the Dead | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_8967e17f | comment |
Back from the Dead: Mark in Chapter 4 of New Moon. | |
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| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_9dfb8296 | type |
This Is Gonna Suck | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_9dfb8296 | comment |
This Is Gonna Suck: Frequently invoked. | |
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| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_a2cd1e60 | type |
Bold Inflation | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_a2cd1e60 | comment |
Bold Inflation: A lot. One chapter review of New Moon consisted of almost nothing but large, sparkly, animated text. | |
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| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_ae3d6438 | type |
Deadpan Snarker | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_ae3d6438 | comment |
Deadpan Snarker: Has their moments, often when lamenting/mocking the utter lack of suspense in the books. | |
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| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_b06bbf4b | type |
Be Careful What You Wish For | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_b06bbf4b | comment |
Be Careful What You Wish For: After Bella and Edward's first time having sex, Mark wonders why Meyer refused to describe it at all. However, when she finally does attempt a sex scene several chapters later, Mark's review just screams DO NOT WANT. | |
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Take That! | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_b53077b3 | comment |
And in the same book, Mark viciously criticises the transphobia in chapter 16, to the point that almost every sentence is either allcaps, Take That!, Big "WHAT?!" or Cluster F-Bomb. | |
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| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_bc74ef27 | type |
Berserk Button | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_bc74ef27 | comment |
Berserk Button: The Church of Latter Day Saints, and Mormonism in general, due to a run-in with a homophobic Mormon missionary who tried to recruit Mark as a young person. Not to mention Bella's whining, use of the word "dazzle", thinking Edward or Bella are role models, poor grammar...really, it feels like every other page something seems to piss them off in one way or another. In Chapter 18, when Edward tells Bella that he will hold her personally responsible for whatever happens to her, Mark finally loses it: Mark went absolutely batshit when Meyer quoted Orson Scott Card in the preface to chapter 19 of Breaking Dawn. And in the same book, Mark viciously criticises the transphobia in chapter 16, to the point that almost every sentence is either allcaps, Take That!, Big "WHAT?!" or Cluster F-Bomb. | |
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Freudian Excuse | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_c868a42a | comment |
Freudian Excuse: Mark will sometimes give these to explain why certain parts of the series infuriate them more than others. They are very well-written. | |
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| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_d53acc8a | type |
You Are Not Ready | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_d53acc8a | comment |
You Are Not Ready: You Are Not Prepared, their fanbase's Catchphrase, which carried over to their Harry Potter blog and has since become "You en't prepared." for His Dark Materials, got translated into Dwarvish runes for The Hobbit, and became "You aren't frakkin' prepared!" for Battlestar Galactica. | |
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| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_e5d8460d | type |
Unexplained Recovery | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_e5d8460d | comment |
Unexplained Recovery: Mark in Chapter 4 of New Moon. | |
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| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_ee3ea61e | type |
Fourth-Wall Mail Slot | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_ee3ea61e | comment |
Fourth-Wall Mail Slot: They always read the user comments to their posts and (usually) reply to them, sometimes referencing them in the reviews themselves. | |
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| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_eef90616 | type |
Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_eef90616 | comment |
Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick: Mark's description of the Volturi: They stand around, sparkle, and occasionally eat people. | |
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| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_f2a6d76d | type |
Rage Against the Author | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_f2a6d76d | comment |
Rage Against the Author: The final review of the series (unless you count Midnight Sun (2020).) | |
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Review Blog | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_fb7da6bf | comment |
Review Blog: Obviously. | |
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| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_fc43b10f | type |
Dear Negative Reader | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_fc43b10f | comment |
Dear Negative Reader: Mark did this once, after finishing the first book. | |
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| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_fea27091 | type |
Buffy Speak | |
| Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) / int_fea27091 | comment |
Buffy Speak: THE 'TWILIGHT' SERIES IS, QUITE CLEARLY, THE WORST THING TO EXIST ON THE PLANET THAT ISN'T ACTUALLY A SERIOUS DISEASE OR SOMETHING. | |
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Mark Reads Twilight (Blog) |
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