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Bill the Galactic Hero

 Bill the Galactic Hero
type
TVTItem
 Bill the Galactic Hero
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Bill the Galactic Hero
 Bill the Galactic Hero
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BillTheGalacticHero
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In the distant future, when mankind has spread out to the stars, a farmboy named Bill from a backwater planet makes a split-second decision that changes his life, along with the course of the galactic empire, by sort of technically volunteering to enlist in the military, right on the cusp of a war with alien space lizards called the Chingers. As an enlisted man, Bill (or Bil, since only officers are allowed have two L's) goes through a Training from Hell under Drill Sergeant Deathwish Drang, known for his temper and his pair of enormous surgically implanted fangs.It's during training Bill first meets Bgr, the former Chinger ambassador to the empire, at the time hiding inside a very obvious Mobile-Suit Human, under the name of Private "Eager" Beager. Bill has little time to ponder that his best friend was an alien spy as he is soon sent into battle against the Chingers, along with Deathwish Drang and new bunkmate Tembo who Bill ultimately gets much closer to than he would wish.As one of the few survivors of the battle that ensues, Bill inherits his late drill sergeant's fangs and has his left arm, which was lost in the chaos, replaced with the right arm of Tembo, making him the only soldier able to salute with both hands at once.Touted as a hero of the Empire, Bill is rewarded by the Emperor. That is, until he loses his pants and accidentally joins The Resistance, causing him to be punished by being deployed to a Death World in order to heroically die in combat. Knowing that the front is short on certain spare body parts, Bill escapes death by blowing off his own right foot and being sent offworld to be patched up. The replacement foot is less than satisfactory.Such is the origin of Bill the Galactic Hero by Harry Harrison, of whose exploits are the stuff of legend.
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DBTropes
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_12610160
type
Computerized Judicial System
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_12610160
comment
Computerized Judicial System: Bill is arrested on the charges of dereliction of duty, as well as losing his map of the Imperial Planetville (a capital offense, mind you). He is brought before a court where jury members are robots pre-programmed to always find the defendant guilty. To everyone's shock, the robots acquit him... but only because they have just received orders to send Bill to a hellhole planet.
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type
Alcohol-Induced Idiocy
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_16ddefda
comment
Alcohol-Induced Idiocy: In The Planet of Ten Thousand Bars, Bill is arrested and put aboard a prison transport, where he spends several years. Previously, he nearly dies, and a doctor cleans up his liver but warning him that he needs to stop drinking. While aboard the ship, Bill's implanted AI chip notes that his IQ is skyrocketing due to the lack of alcohol. It starts teaching Bill science and mathematics to pass the time. By the end of the journey, Bill is a genius who comes up with a mathematical formula for the meaning of life. He then writes on the bulkhead it in Layman's Terms: "Life = Shit". At the end of the novel, he wants to explain this truth to his friends. Then he takes a sip of a beer... and immediately forgets all that he learned.
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type
Propaganda Machine
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_1e7159cf
comment
Propaganda Machine: The Empire goes all out in attempting to demonize the Chingers and using every propaganda trope, whether it makes sense or not. This includes a poster showing a stylized Chinger with the caption, "Would you want your sister to marry this?" This causes even the dimwitted Bill to remark that he has no sister and that she wouldn't want to marry something like that anyway.
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 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_21d70919
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Crapsack World
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_21d70919
comment
Crapsack World: More like a crapsack galaxy. The military system in the series seems to be specifically designed to make the enlisted men's short lives as hellish and unpleasant as possible.
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Generation Ships
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_25774afa
comment
Generation Ships: Briefly visited in Ten Thousand Bars as Bill attempted to pinpoint where the Hippy from Hell changed history.
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type
Lampshade Hanging
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_2a090d00
comment
Lampshade Hanging: Bill often questions the logic behind his orders, and even several plot points, over the course of the books.
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Faster-Than-Light Travel
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_2af7961
comment
Faster-Than-Light Travel: Several methods are mentioned, especially in the first novel, when Tembo explain why Subspace or Hyperspace are not used (the ships attempting to enter them shake themselves apart). The current method used by the fleet is called the "Bloater Drive." It makes the ship expand to ridiculously huge proportions, to the point where a planet looks like a palm-sized spheroid. When the ship's nose grows enough to reach the destination, it shrinks back to normal size, which, due to the "rubber band effect", causes it to end up at the destination. (Just be sure you don't poke any of those palm-sized planets with your finger while the ship's expanding. You can cause unintentional tsunamis and hurricanes.)
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 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_305bcbb9
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Space Pirates
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_305bcbb9
comment
Space Pirates: See entry for Pirates Who Don't Do Anything.
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Distant Finale
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_3318a1cb
comment
Distant Finale: The first novel ends with one, showing grizzled veteran Bill visiting his long-forgotten homeworld as a recruiting sergeant and tricking his own brother into enlisting the same way he was despite his mother begging him not to.
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Foregone Conclusion
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_3bc88a7f
comment
Foregone Conclusion: As depicted in the Distant Finale in the original novel, at the end of The Final Incoherent Adventure Bill becomes a recruiting sergeant.
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 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_3d59c9a0
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Powered Armor
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_3d59c9a0
comment
Powered Armor: Bill notes a soldier wearing one fall into a swamp and drown. The suit is too heavy to even walk, so soldiers wearing them just hop around on booster jets. The one that falls in then swamp had its fuel line damaged by an enemy shot. The soldier is begging for help, but not one is willing to get dragged down by the swamp, so they just stand and watch, although some are shouting for him to get out of the armor. The soldier screams that it takes an hour under normal conditions.
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 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_3ea462d7
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Take That, Audience!
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_3ea462d7
comment
Take That, Audience!: At one point, Bill encounters a stereotypical science fiction fan who, when Bill introduces himself, derides him in the dorkiest way possible.
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Informed Obscenity
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_427b71b5
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Informed Obscenity: "Bowb" is human society's multi-purpose word of choice.
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Godwin's Law of Time Travel
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_549a7152
comment
Godwin's Law of Time Travel: When the Hippy from Hell changes the timestream to eliminate alcohol in Ten Thousand Bars, he also manages to bring about the Third Reich which ultimately spreads through the entire galaxy.
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Ripple-Effect-Proof Memory
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_54d6f53f
comment
Ripple-Effect-Proof Memory: Bill's proximity to the Space/Time Nexus in Ten Thousand Bars is what allows him to remember what the universe was like before the Hippy from Hell went and muddled about with the timestream.
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Kangaroo Court
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_5d3e7c6
comment
Kangaroo Court: In the first book, Bill is put on trial for going AWOL (he got lost on the Planetville capital of The Empire after his map is stolen (losing one is a capital crime). The jury consists of 12 robots programmed to only give one verdict. Subverted in that they end up declaring him not guilty, to the shock of everyone in the room, but only because they received a signal overriding their programming. Bill is actually supposed to go on a Suicide Mission.
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 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_5e4fa749
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Crossdresser
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_5e4fa749
comment
Crossdresser: At the beginning of Tasteless Pleasure, Bill follows what looks like a female satyr who continues the charade until a woman points out that all satyr are male. At that point, he removes his fake boobs saying that he just wanted to see how the other half lives. And then there's Uncle Nancy's Cross-Dressing Emporium, an establishment on Barworld where patrons are required to put on women's clothing because it will all ultimately make sense the morning after.
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Mechanical Lifeforms
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_5fc516bf
comment
Mechanical Lifeforms: The robot faction in Robot Slaves have their own natural history, starting with their humble origins in the primordial oil pools. When Bill is meeting their leader, he asks for a drink of water, causing the horrified leader to immediately call for guards, thinking that Bill is an assassin seeking to poison him with rust.
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Death World
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_63557923
comment
Death World: The planet that Bill is sent to at the end of the first novel. They don't sugar coat it either, specifically calling it such.
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type
Drill Sergeant Nasty
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_6375f746
comment
Drill Sergeant Nasty: Deathwish Drang who, despite being such, is still looked up to by Bill as a father figure. Not that the other officers are any nicer.
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Organ Autonomy
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_646b9cc8
comment
Organ Autonomy: Tembo's arm seems to still retain the memories of its former owner and will sometimes clench its fist when in the presence of an old rival. Not just clench. At least once, the arm punched an officer to Bill's horror, only for the officer to get up and comment on Tembo still having quite a punch, despite being dead. Another time, the arm actually worked against Bill by grabbing a desk, preventing Bill from escaping.
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Planet of Hats
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_67f26dcc
comment
Planet of Hats: The Planet of Bottled Brains where all one billion inhabitants are... well... bottled brains. Also the Planet of Ten Thousand Bars which is known only for its huge number of drinking establishments. Though in the latter case it might be more like "Planet of the Very, Very Small Headgear" - ten thousand bars is a ridiculously tiny number for a whole planet. (In Real Life, New York City alone has over a thousand.)
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Covers Always Lie
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_7315fd38
comment
Covers Always Lie: Most covers that show Bill's feet tend to forget the right one is a giant chicken foot.
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Our Time Machine Is Different
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comment
Our Time Machine Is Different: The Space/Time Nexus in Ten Thousand Bars is a toilet that speaks in a British accent.
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Prison Ship
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_758cbe0c
comment
In Bill the Galactic Hero on the Planet of Ten Thousand Bars, Bill spends several years without alcohol and women thanks to being stuck on a Prison Ship. His IQ jumps to genius-level, and he figures out the meaning of life. As soon as he takes a sip of alcohol after that, he forgets everything he learned.
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Action Prologue
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_77414bc2
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Action Prologue
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 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_77a19ddf
type
Strange Salute
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_77a19ddf
comment
Strange Salute: Much to the joy of the officers, Bill's two right arms allow him to salute with both hands at once.
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type
Louis Cypher
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_7c58fe32
comment
Louis Cypher: In the first book, Bgr the alien disguises his identity as a human named Beager.
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Spell My Name with an S
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comment
Spell My Name with an LL: Whenever Bill interacts with someone of higher rank (which is often), they insist on calling him Bil because only officers get two L's. Which is nothing compared to the two-headed space janitor named Bill and Billl (no, that's not a typo).
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Space Opera
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_89baee12
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Space Opera
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Recycled IN SPACE!
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_905438eb
comment
Recycled In Space: The final novel is essentially a fantastic retelling of Operation Desert Storm. In case the name "Eyerack" didn't ring any bells.
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 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_90f6d157
type
Confessional
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_90f6d157
comment
Confessional: Bill goes to see the ship's chaplain (who also doubles as the laundry officer, as there's not much call for a chaplain on a warship). Bill says that he thinks one of his crewmates is a spy. The chaplain downplays Bill's suspicions and promises to keep the confession a secret, but as soon as it's time to become the laundry officer again he calls the MPs.
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Future Food Is Artificial
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_93c04c8a
comment
Future Food Is Artificial: Soldiers are fed with a thin soup that contains all the nutrients needed to keep them healthy, but tastes like drek. Some soldiers get cards from home that can be rehydrated into chocolate bars or other, actual foodstuffs. Our Hero, Bill, gets a card from home that rehydrates into ... a larger card that plays tinny, annoying, "inspiring", military tunes and slogans. The dehydrated water, though, takes the cake. You just add water and you get... water! Except it tastes a lot worse.
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God-Emperor
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_9620c3a1
comment
God-Emperor: According to the official religion of the Empire, the Emperor is officially recognized as God. This does make Bill, who is a Zen Zoroastrian, a heretic, though.
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Pardon My Klingon
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_973291cd
comment
Pardon My Klingon: The series uses "bowb" as the expletive of choice in this universe.
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Humans Are Cthulhu
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_98c2a8f2
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Humans Are Cthulhu: It turns out, in Tasteless Pleasure, that humans have within their bodies a link to another dimension which dictates their sexual drives.
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Fridge Logic
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_9dfd7154
comment
Though in the latter case it might be more like "Planet of the Very, Very Small Headgear" - ten thousand bars is a ridiculously tiny number for a whole planet. (In Real Life, New York City alone has over a thousand.)
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 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_9e08b900
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Most Definitely Not a Villain
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_9e08b900
comment
Most Definitely Not an Alien: Despite his Mobile-Suit Human being made from spare parts and looking very artificial, Beager is not questioned by his fellow soldiers since the Chingers are always portrayed by the Propaganda Machine as being seven feet tall rather than seven inches tall and able to fit inside a human-like skull cavity. Bgr reveals that his first Mobile-Suit Human was even more obvious. However, no one noticed, as the war against the Chingers has just started, and most people still didn't know about them.
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 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_9e74f33
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Flock of Wolves
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_9e74f33
comment
Flock of Wolves: Bill gets recruited by an insurgency and then by military intelligence; eventually a bust occurs and every insurgent turns out to be (or at least says they're) working for the military.
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 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_a04eb363
type
Lizard Folk
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_a04eb363
comment
Lizard Folk: Bgr's people, the Chingers, are a race of peaceful four-armed seven-inch-tall space lizards from a ten-G planet.
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Perfect Pacifist People
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_acbd5c12
comment
Perfect Pacifist People: The Chingers used to be this until an Imperial ship landed on their planet and started shooting at any Chinger nearby. Bgr learned their language and convinced humans that Chingers mean them no harm. Shortly after that, the Empire declares war on the Chingers, and the tiny lizards learn to fight awfully quick. They get much better than humans, since they lack the Idiot Ball that most of the Empire's higher-ups are required to hold.
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 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_ade69f7d
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Heavyworlder
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_ade69f7d
comment
Heavyworlder: The Chingers are lizardoids only seven inches high, but as they come from a 10G world, they're able to throw the Space Trooper protagonist easily. Government propaganda portrays them as being seven feet tall so morale won't be affected.
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Bill the Galactic Hero / int_ade69f7d
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Standard Sci-Fi Army
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Standard Sci-Fi Army: If you haven't figure it out yet, Bill is in one.
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Humans Kill Wantonly
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comment
Humans Kill Wantonly: The galactic empire constantly seeks alien races to make contact with and/or uplift so that they can ultimately fight them in order to support their war-based economy. The Chingers are only the latest victims of this policy.
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PiratesWhoDontDoAnything
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comment
Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: Bottled Brains includes a Space Pirate who doesn't really do much piracy. Though he does dress and act like one and even has a talking parrot. The parrot winds up outranking Bill.
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Smarter Than You Look
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_b4fb830c
comment
Smarter Than You Look: Despite Bill acting and being treated like a basic grunt, Bgr is able to see the glimmers of enlightened intelligence that are hidden within his alcohol and sex-addled mind. Bill often questions the logic of his orders and even his own thoughts, without realizing that this proves Bgr's point. In Bill the Galactic Hero on the Planet of Ten Thousand Bars, Bill spends several years without alcohol and women thanks to being stuck on a Prison Ship. His IQ jumps to genius-level, and he figures out the meaning of life. As soon as he takes a sip of alcohol after that, he forgets everything he learned.
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Take That!
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comment
Take That!: Harry Harrison mentioned more than once the book was directly inspired by both more "serious" military science fiction, his own experiences in the Army in World War II and the gap he saw between the former and the latter.
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type
Shout-Out
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comment
Shout-Out: Most notable are Robot Slaves which takes place in the world of John Carter of Mars, Zombie Vampires which liberally takes from Alien, and Bottled Brains which includes a lot of referrences to both Star Trek and Star Wars. And the whole novel is a parody of Starship Troopers.
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type
Training from Hell
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comment
Training from Hell: Exactly what Bill and all other enlisted men go through when they join the Space Troopers.
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type
Expy
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comment
Expy: At least one in every book.
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type
Mobile-Suit Human
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comment
Bgr reveals that his first Mobile-Suit Human was even more obvious. However, no one noticed, as the war against the Chingers has just started, and most people still didn't know about them.
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type
Cult Colony
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_ec2d62b9
comment
Cult Colony: The generation ship visited by Bill in Ten Thousand Bars consists of people who worship the Holy Cows who provide them with holy dairy products. Because of Godwin's Law of Time Travel, the cows are also Nazis.
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 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_ed3e90f3
type
Duct Tape for Everything
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comment
Duct Tape for Everything: Zombie Vampires uses duct tape for any and every engineering challenge from sealing up hull breaches to making a flame thrower out of the toilet.
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 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_f2d51908
type
Evil Hand
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_f2d51908
comment
Evil Hand: Well, not strictly speaking evil, but Tembo's right arm (Bill's replacement for his lost left arm) seems to have a mind of its own sometimes. When Bill encounters an officer, who knew Tembo, the arm forms a fist and clocks the officer in the jaw, much to Bill's horror. However, the officer simply gets up and laughs, saying that it used to be their standard greeting to one another. Later on, when Bill tries to run away, the same officer tells Tembo to hold him. The arm grabs onto the desk and refuses to let go, preventing Bill from running.
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 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_f9f2c33
type
Running Gag
 Bill the Galactic Hero / int_f9f2c33
comment
Running Gag: Along with Spell My Name With An S, there is Bill's constant search for a proper foot to replace the one that he lost on the Death World. Notable are the mood foot that grows into cloven hooves and the Swiss Army Foot which Bill is finally satisfied with in the final novel.
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Hideous Hangover Cure
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comment
Hideous Hangover Cure
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Bill the Galactic Hero

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Appendage Assimilation / int_ec44d991
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Armed Farces / int_ec44d991
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Confess in Confidence / int_ec44d991
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Cult Colony / int_ec44d991
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Distant Finale / int_ec44d991
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Do-Anything Robot / int_ec44d991
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Evil Hand / int_ec44d991
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Generation Ships / int_ec44d991
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Godwin's Law of Time Travel / int_ec44d991
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Heavyworlder / int_ec44d991
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Informed Obscenity / int_ec44d991
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Louis Cypher / int_ec44d991
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Mechanical Lifeforms / int_ec44d991
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Mobile-Suit Human / int_ec44d991
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Organ Autonomy / int_ec44d991
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Our Time Machine Is Different / int_ec44d991
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Pardon My Klingon / int_ec44d991
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Powered Armor / int_ec44d991
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Quicksand Sucks / int_ec44d991
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Recruiters Always Lie / int_ec44d991
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Serial Prostheses / int_ec44d991
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