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Ruled Britannia

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A novel by Harry Turtledove set in an Alternate Universe where the Spanish Armada conquered England. Ten years later, Shakespeare is writing plays under the Spanish occupiers, but is simultaneously contracted by both them and the English resistance to write plays to either commemorate the dying King Philip or inspire rebellion against him. In the end he chooses the latter, and his play Boudicca sparks a revolution. Published under the slogan "To be free, or not to be free?"
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All Are Equal in Death
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All Are Equal in Death: After the English uprising, Lope de Vega sees that the clever Enrique and the dull, lazy Diego are dumped together in the same pile of corpses, along with all of the other dead Spanish soldiers and officers.
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Hurricane of Puns
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Hurricane of Puns: The needling between Kemp, Burbage, Shakespeare, and Marlowe descends into this rapidly. There are a ton of great ones, but a special mention goes to the following:
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Allohistorical Allusion
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Allohistorical Allusion: The novel is filled with references to Shakespearean plays, including many verbatim quotations used as character dialogue. Nicholas Skeres and Ingram Frizer are two of the men alleged to be involved in the death of Christopher Marlowe, with Frizer said to be the one to stab Marlowe. In the novel they serve as lackeys and henchmen in the English plot, and Frizer is present when de Vega kills Marlowe, with dialogue indicating that he was there to kill Marlowe himself. Francis Bacon is one of candidates proposed as the "real" Shakespeare by those who do not think he wrote his own plays. When discussing whether he attends the performances of Lord Westmorland's Men to view the plays themselves, the idea is dismissed because he could write just as well on his own. Robert Devereux, Earl of Essex, attempted to stage a coup d'etat against the government of Queen Elizabeth, and paid Lord Chamberlain's Men to stage a special performance of Richard II to instigate a popular uprising. He is present in the audience at the performance of Boudicca, and leads the roused mob to rescue Elizabeth from the Tower of London.
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Inadequate Inheritor
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Inadequate Inheritor: William Cecil boasts that his son, Robert Cecil, is a greater man than he himself, but Shakespeare is unconvinced and spends the novel fearful that the conspiracy will collapse at the elder Cecil's death. Robert does succeed his father, and the rebellion is successfully concluded. None of the Spaniards say it aloud, but they all recognize that Philip III, the son of King Philip II, is much less than his father. The only one who does say it aloud is William Cecil, while boasting about how his own son is greater than he is.
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Weird Trade Union
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Weird Trade Union: One of Shakespeare's housemates, who up until this point has been perennially hungry and looking for work, manages to improve his station by being officially inducted into the beggars of London.
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Genius Cripple
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Genius Cripple: Robert Cecil is hunchbacked and generally infirm, which makes a lot of people wonder if he can live up to the standards set by his father.
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Ask a Stupid Question...
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Ask a Stupid Question...: Will Kemp once tries to placate Lope de Vega's anger by saying that if you stab a fool, it will cause your sword to rust. When de Vega asks what that means for the fool, Kemp makes a big show of falling to the ground and pretending to be stabbed.
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Worthy Opponent
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Worthy Opponent: Deconstructed from the viewpoint of the Spanish occupiers: They hold the Englishmen who cozen up to the occupiers in contempt, and think poorly on them for not attempting to resist. However, instead of wanting them to resist and become worthy of respect, they wish more English were as craven as they were. They don't want a noble challenge against a worthy adversary, they want as smooth an occupation as they can get. Lope de Vega and Baltasar Guzmán wonder why William Cecil was spared when the Spanish conquered England, since they recongize that he is a very capable enemy. They think it might have been that King Philip viewed him as a worthy opponent.
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Saying Too Much
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Saying Too Much: When Catalina Ibanez is threatening Lope de Vega to begin treating her better, she says just a few words too many to turn it from vague implication to actual deadly threat. Instead of persuading him to begin spoiling her, it pushes him to threaten her in return.
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Volleying Insults
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Volleying Insults: Round and round and round again between Shakespeare, Burbage, and Kemp. They're so good at it that Lope de Vega once comes to the theater just to listen to them go round and round while rehearsing, and later tells Catalina Ibanez that he wished he were good enough at English to write it down and read it back again later.
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Paper-Thin Disguise
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Paper-Thin Disguise: Played with when Robert Cecil meets with Shakespeare, disguised as a crippled beggar. The disguise apparently fools Shakespeare so completely that he had no idea it was Cecil until he began to address him, but it seems to be that only Shakespeare is fooled. Enough other people on the street recognize Cecil that the news of their meeting quickly travels to Constable Strawberry, and is the first bit of solid evidence that the Spaniards find to implicate Shakespeare in the conspiracy.
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Combat Pragmatist
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Combat Pragmatist: Lope de Vega wins his fight with Alejandro de Recalde by using a face-strike that is not commonly taught in fencing schools (Since it runs too much of a risk of scarring the students being taught). Many people comment on how disfigured Alejandro's corpse is afterwards. de Vega's most common retort is that in a fight to the death, the goal is to win, not to win prettily.
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Leaning on the Fourth Wall
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Leaning on the Fourth Wall: At one point, Shakespeare ponders what might have happened if some other historic event hadn't happened, but never imagines that there could be any world where the Armada never succeeded.
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Really Fond of Sleeping
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Really Fond of Sleeping: Diego, the only servant of Lope de Vega, finds every excuse to sleep that he can. de Vega once quipped that the only thing which could make Diego happier would be if he learned how to make love while still asleep.
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Gratuitous Iambic Pentameter
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Gratuitous Iambic Pentameter: Much of the spoken dialogue is sneakily cribbed quotations from plays and poems, so people regularly talk to each other in Iambic Pentameter. Shakespeare, Burbage, and Marlowe regularly hang lampshades on this. There's some Truth in Television here; one reason for the success of iambic pentameter in its day was that it resembled the rhythms of ordinary speech.
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If You Kill Him, You Will Be Just Like Him!
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If You Kill Him, You Will Be Just Like Him!: Lope de Vega thinks that this is why King Philip spared Queen Elizabeth's life after deposing her. Since Elizabeth had already performed regicide by killing Mary, Queen of Scots, Philip would not repeat her actions and sink to her level.
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Artistic License – History
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Artistic License – History: Queen Isabella Clara Eugenia, the Spanish-backed ruler of England, is described as swarthy even for a Spaniard. The real Isabella had red hair, green eyes, and pale skin.
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Reassigned to Antarctica
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Reassigned to Antarctica: Lieutenant de Vega is constantly threatening his lazy servant with reassignment to Scotland if he doesn't improve his work.
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 Ruled Britannia / int_581f6468
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Hero of Another Story
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Hero of Another Story: Peter Foster, a suspected petty thief and neighbor of Shakespeare, is arrested and then promptly breaks out of jail after bidding Shakespeare a cordial goodbye, without ever revealing exactly what got him arrested or how he escaped.
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Friendly Enemy
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Friendly Enemy: Lope de Vega holds Shakespeare and Marlowe, along with the entire cast of players, in the highest regards. They in turn do not bear him (much) personal ill will, and appreciate his own artistic talents as well.
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Dashing Hispanic
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Dashing Hispanic: Lope, and he is well aware of it. His reputation precedes him wherever he goes.
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Orgasmically Delicious
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Orgasmically Delicious: Parodied, people keep making sexual innuendos and come-ons to Kate, the waitress at Shakespeare's ordinary restaurant and also his mistress, when she asks what they would like to order.
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Mugging the Monster
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Mugging the Monster: Shakespeare is presented with what could be an insult by a stranger, but he chooses not to make an issue of it. The other man thanks him for his courtesy, then shows that he is in fact a deadly knifehand, and applauds Shakespeare for choosing to be courteous before he knew how deadly he was.
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Crime of Self-Defense
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Crime of Self-Defense: Lope de Vega is officially cleared of legal wrongdoing after his fight with Alejandro de Recalde, since Alejandro is the one who first attacked him. However, multiple people point out that killing a nobleman can have repercussions even if you're legally cleared.
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Duel to the Death
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Duel to the Death: Discussed occasionally, but no formal duels actually appear in the novel. When combat does happen, it is quick and brutal without the formalities of challenge or rules.
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Dueling Works
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Dueling Works: In-Universe, Shakespeare is simultaneously commissioned to write two plays: One, Boudicca, to instigate an English uprising against the Spanish occupiers. The other, King Philip, to glorify Philip II after his passing and impress his English subjects. A running tension through the novel is Shakespeare wondering which play will be performed. It is Boudicca that is staged first, and after the successful rebellion Shakespeare asks the new English government for permission to also perform King Philip since he worked so hard on it.
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Chronic Backstabbing Disorder
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Chronic Backstabbing Disorder: When de Vega begins to court Catalina Ibanez while she is still the mistress of Alejandro de Recalde, he immediately recognizes that if she will betray Alejandro for him then she will one day betray him as well. Unfortunately, he can't make himself think about that enough to stop him from pursuing her.
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Actually Pretty Funny
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Actually Pretty Funny: When Lope de Vega is dumped by one of his mistresses, a passerby makes a consoling remark that he will soon find another fish to nibble on the end of his pole. It takes a moment for de Vega to understand the sexual innuendo in English, but then he laughs as well.
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In Love with Love
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In Love with Love: Lope de Vega frequently muses that he doesn't want mere sexual gratification, he wants to fall in love. Unfortunately, he so desires to fall in love that he often falls in love with two or even three women at the same time.
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Deconstructed Trope
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Deconstructed from the viewpoint of the Spanish occupiers: They hold the Englishmen who cozen up to the occupiers in contempt, and think poorly on them for not attempting to resist. However, instead of wanting them to resist and become worthy of respect, they wish more English were as craven as they were. They don't want a noble challenge against a worthy adversary, they want as smooth an occupation as they can get.
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You Have Outlived Your Usefulness
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You Have Outlived Your Usefulness: Shakespeare constantly fears that the members of the conspiracy will turn on him and have him killed. When Nicholas Skeres coldly mocks that a horse with a broken leg is only fit for disposal, Shakespeare realizes that he would dispose him just as callously if the time ever came.
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Shaped Like Itself
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Shaped Like Itself: Lope de Vega once boasts that he is as honest as anybody else in the world...who is not more honest than he is.
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Occupiers Out of Our Country
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Occupiers Out of Our Country: The main goal of the rebellion is to overthrow the Spanish-backed rule of Queen Isabella and King Albert, and restore Queen Elizabeth to the throne. The simultaneous overthrow of the Catholic Church and resumption of Protestant worship is a secondary goal.
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Hypno Pendulum
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Hypno Pendulum: Used by the "cunning woman" Cicely Sellis to end a tavern argument. And a second time on Lope de Vega, to keep him with her and away from the theatre where Shakespeare and his players are raising revolution.
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Knighting
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Knighting: Shakespeare is knighted by Queen Elizabeth after the uprising succeeds. Appropriately, the knighting takes place on the stage after giving another performance of Boudicca.
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This Is Reality
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This Is Reality: Lope de Vega once considers that King Philip may already be dead in Spain, but since the word has not yet travelled to London he is still the acknowledged ruler. He thinks that this has much potential as a story device in a play, but since they're not in a play there's nothing he can do with that concept now.
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Persecution Flip
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Persecution Flip: The English Protestants must go underground after the Spanish invade and hand power over to the Catholics. Many of the occupying forces in England are Irish.
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Throwing Down the Gauntlet
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Throwing Down the Gauntlet: Shakespeare himself offers a challenge against Captain Guzmán when he is being questioned, since Guzmán's wording during the questioning accused Shakespeare of treason instead of asking about treason. Shakespeare demanded an apology or else a challenge to restore his honor, and surprisingly Guzmán does apologize since he doesn't have any proof yet.
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The Revolution Will Not Be Civilized
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The Revolution Will Not Be Civilized: The English conspiracy performs many underhanded acts to further their goals, including several instances of out-and-out murder. When Richard Burbage asks Shakespeare if this is really the side he is choosing to ally with, Shakespeare asks if the Spaniards they're fighting against are any better. When the uprising breaks out, Shakespeare is filled with great pride at how he is partially responsible for stirring England to revolt. Then he sees the brutal violence play out against a constable who comes upon the mob, and forces himself to admit that he is also partially responsible for that as well.
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Due to the Dead
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Due to the Dead: Shakespeare is commissioned to write King Philip as a tribute to Philip II, to be performed after he has passed away. Thomas Phelippes describes it as a better memorial than a building of marble. William Cecil receives a grand funeral after his death, which surprises Lope de Vega since he didn't think the authorities would let a supporter of the deposed Queen Elizabeth be honored like that. He then realizes that this is a sign of how greatly the man was respected, since if they hadn't given him a funeral they may have sparked riots in the streets.
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Alternate History
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Alternate History: The Spanish Armada succeeded. Temporarily.
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Superior Successor
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Superior Successor: William Cecil boasts that his son, Robert Cecil, is a greater man than he himself.
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Obfuscating Disability
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Obfuscating Disability: The beggars of London have a wide array of makeup and tricks to make themselves look disabled and diseased in the hopes of receiving charity. Shakespeare is fascinated to learn some of them, although he also wishes he hadn't learned all the details because he didn't like to think that the charity he gave was going to such liars.
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Well-Trained, but Inexperienced
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Well-Trained, but Inexperienced: Alejandro de Recalde is an exceptional swordsman, but all of his training was in fencing schools, not in deadly combat. Lope de Vega recognizes that he is unaccustomed to real-life tactics and manages to kill him using a strike to the face, which is not taught in schools because they don't want to risk scarring their students.
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Rousing Speech
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Rousing Speech: Shakespeare's entire alternate play, but particularly its final lines:
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Sherlock Can Read
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Sherlock Can Read: After introducing himself to Cicily Sellis on the street, de Vega is astonished — and instantly thinks she may be a witch — when she recognizes him as a friend of Shakespeare. She instead points out that she lives in the same building as Shakespeare does, and he has frequently mentioned de Vega when talking about his work. The interaction plays out in reverse a few days later, when Shakespeare panics after Cicily Sellis innocuously asks him how de Vega is doing. She points out that not only has Shakespeare mentioned him in idle conversation, but she met him on the street as well. It begins to come to a head when Cicily references several of de Vega's old lovers, including one that he knows he didn't tell to Shakespeare so she couldn't have heard the name from him. She again has a very mundane explanation — that the sister of the old lover is her washerwoman and likes to gossip — but this time de Vega is not quite convinced.
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Armor-Piercing Response
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The English conspiracy performs many underhanded acts to further their goals, including several instances of out-and-out murder. When Richard Burbage asks Shakespeare if this is really the side he is choosing to ally with, Shakespeare asks if the Spaniards they're fighting against are any better.
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Tap on the Head
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Tap on the Head: Deconstructed. Lope de Vega is knocked out during the uprising by a blow to the head, but when he wakes up he is disoriented and continues to suffer the aftereffects. The next day he is barely able to walk or focus, and even weeks later there are lingering affects.
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Everyone Has Standards
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Everyone Has Standards: Despite his constant philandering, Lope de Vega recognizes that there is no honor in cheating on his mistress, or in being the person that a woman uses to cheat on her husband. When he is confronted he recognizes that he can't even offer a duel challenge to protect his honor, since in this instance he has no honor.
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Too Dumb to Fool
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Too Dumb to Fool: Constable Walter Strawberry seems to be an imbecile of the highest caliber, and nobody on any side of the conspiracy believes that he will be able to solve the murders he is investigating. Despite this, he progressively gets closer and closer throughout the story because he's not distracted by any of the larger conspiracy theories or connections that occupy the minds of everybody else.
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My Country, Right or Wrong
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My Country, Right or Wrong: Shakespeare admits that, if given a choice, he probably would choose to follow the Roman Catholic faith of Spain as opposed to the Protestant teachings of England, but he refuses to let that be forced onto the country at gunpoint by the Spaniards.
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Dead Man's Switch
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Dead Man's Switch: When Lope de Vega catches his servant eating meat during Lent, he threatens to turn him over to the Inquisition if Diego does not shape up and start working. To forestall Diego killing him in his sleep to remove the danger — a thought which Diego does not even deny having — de Vega delivers a note to his commander to be opened in the event of his death.
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Desecrating the Dead
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Desecrating the Dead: Downplayed, Lope de Vega did not harm Alejandro de Recalde's body after he was dead, but the combat wounds and killing stroke were so vicious that multiple people can't help but comment on how brutally de Vega cut him up.
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Really Gets Around
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Really Gets Around: Lope de Vega runs through five mistresses over the course of the book. He starts the novel seeing two women simultaneously, and later tries to best that with three women.
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Show Within a Show
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Show Within a Show: In addition to the real-life plays attributed to Shakespeare, Marlowe, de Vega, and others, there are several wholly fictional plays that exist due to the altered timeline. Marlowe is credited with several plays that were written after the time of his real-life death, and the novel follows the writing of two new Shakespeare plays, Boudicca and King Philip.
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Double Agent
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Double Agent: Thomas Phelippes is the man who first brings Shakespeare into the English conspiracy and works with him throughout the plot. He is simultaneously serving as a highly placed member in the occupying Spanish administration and is involved in the production of the King Philip play Shakespeare has been commissioned to write.
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Teeth-Clenched Teamwork
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Teeth-Clenched Teamwork: Shakespeare views the authors of the conspiracy with distrust and fear, and their henchmen with terror in case he should ever prove not worth keeping around. Even his fellow players, who he's known and worked with for years, he grows to dislike because their cavalier attitudes towards the project may get him killed.
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Felony Misdemeanor
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Felony Misdemeanor: Eating meat during Lent is always forbidden, but the Spanish take particular note during the Lent of 1598 due to the timing overlap between their reckoning of Lent and the Protestant reckoning. Anybody found to be eating meat in this time frame will be judged not just for breaking the Lenten fast itself, but also for being a secret heretic.
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Interplay of Sex and Violence
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Interplay of Sex and Violence: Lope de Vega brings one of his mistresses to a bear-baiting, and the excitement of watching the fight leads her to a passionate arousal. When de Vega kills Alejandro de Recalde, Catalina Ibanez looks at him with "animal heat" afterwards. Despite de Vega's own prodigious libido, he hopes to never see anybody look at him like that for that reason again.
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Maybe Magic, Maybe Mundane
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Maybe Magic, Maybe Mundane: Cicily Sellis is a "cunning woman" who shares Shakespeare's boarding house, and Shakespeare spends the entire novel debating with himself whether she is a witch or not. When Lope de Vega meets her he has the same questions, but likewise is never able to come to a definitive answer. She does perform acts that could be construed as prophecy or mind control, but which may also simply be theatrics and the vagaries of human perception.
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Implausible Deniability
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Implausible Deniability: Lope de Vega tries to claim that they were just "talking about the theatre" when Alejandro de Recalde catches him with Catalina Ibanez. He doesn't fall for it.
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Refuge in Audacity
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Refuge in Audacity: Christopher Marlowe doesn't hide his homosexuality, he boasts of it. So loudly and so often that Shakespeare is constantly amazed at both him, and the fact that he hasn't yet been charged for it. Once the Spaniards manage to get enough evidence against him, they do in fact pursue him for trial and execution.
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Shakespeare in Fiction
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Shakespeare in Fiction: Our protagonist, who we find as an already-established playwright working in London for "Lord Westmorland's Men".
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Vitriolic Best Buds
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Vitriolic Best Buds: Shakespeare, Will Kemp, and Richard Burbage bicker, argue and harangue one another all throughout their time together. The line seems to blur as to whether it's all in good fun or not, as sometimes they arouse serious anger in one another which on more than one point nearly verges on violence. It may be that the tension of the situation magnifies their usual friendly joking, or it may be that they really dislike one another and only the veneer of playing parts keeps them from revealing it.
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Ambiguously Gay
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Ambiguously Gay: There are rumors that Baltasar Guzmán, the Spanish garrison commander, and Enrique, his manservant, are in a relationship. Lope de Vega initially dismisses the idea out of hand since he knows Guzmán has a mistress, but finds that he can't quite shake it and so keeps evaluating every interaction he has with either of them. Guzmán is a fierce Heteronormative Crusader who leads the pursuit against Anthony Bacon for sodomy, but de Vega can't help but wonder if this is an attempt at misdirection.
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Loose Lips
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Loose Lips: The script to Boudicca cannot be kept a secret by its very nature, since it needs to be disseminated to the full cast and crew in order for them to rehearse and prepare to stage the play. This means that the risk of one of them spilling the news is greater than anybody prefers, and Shakespeare is constantly terrified that a player may betray them out of sheer stupidity or hubris. One player does say too much while drunk, and is found murdered soon after.
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You Are in Command Now
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You Are in Command Now: Lope de Vega assumes command of the garrison when Captain Guzmán is wounded during the uprising. He finds that the chaotic and violent situation which gave him command means that he does not have any real options to change the course of events and can only press on as they were already doing.
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Together in Death
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Together in Death: Very oddly, mortal enemies King Philip and William Cecil are both dying of natural causes throughout the majority of the story. Cecil refers to them as racing each other to the grave, and knows that neither of them will live to see the English rebellion.
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Gold Digger
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Gold Digger: Catalina Ibanez's interest in Lope de Vega waxes and wanes according to his wealth. de Vega himself compares her to a mercenary soldier, who will fight hard while being paid, but will walk away the instant the pay stops.
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Good Adultery, Bad Adultery
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Good Adultery, Bad Adultery: Shakespeare is carrying on an affair with Kate, the waitress at his local ordinary restaurant, throughout the story. He was always honest with her about having a wife out of the city, and made no false promises, so she was content with their relationship and never begrudged him anything else. At the end of the novel he is granted a divorce from his wife, provides her with a sum of money for her own support, and proposes to Kate. Lope de Vega is unwed, but is constantly unfaithful to his mistresses despite his vociferous protestations of love. They are heartbroken throughout the story when they discover his other lovers, and he moves from one to the next.
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The following is a list of statements referring to the current page from other pages.

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Crime of Self-Defense / int_14619963
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Gratuitous Iambic Pentameter / int_14619963
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Rousing Speech / int_14619963
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