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All Women Are Prudes
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In some parts of Fictionland, sex is something women just give to men to shut them up for a while. But women don't enjoy sex, and they definitely don't desire it. The only reason a fictional woman should ever want sex is if she wants to get pregnant, either out of genuine desire to have a child or to trap a man into marrying her. Similarly, if the story involves a teenager who resists having sex and prefers to wait until marriage, or just decides that now isn't the right time, you can bet money that the character will be female and that her decision to say no will be seen as a moral victory rather than a personal choice. And many times, it is clearly implied that a desirable woman shouldn't want sex in any way, shape or form if she wants to be respected. Whatever the genre and context, if a female character has sex in her story, she would be expected to see it as a temptation she's giving into, whereas a male character in the exact same circumstances would be expected to see it as a reward. A related stereotype arising from such a belief is that whereas a man's attraction towards women is mostly physical, a woman's attraction towards men is always strictly romantic; the emotional fulfillment and intimacy that comes with a relationship appeal to the latter more than its sexual aspects, thus making them more attuned to genuine, wholesome love than the former. This was also thought to be the case with lesbians in the past, and may still appear as an undercurrent in fictional portrayals of them even thought it is nowadays discredited, often in the form of the assertion than relationships between two women are more "pure" and fulfilling due to the lack of problematic lustful urges that occur in heterosexual relationships (coming exclusively from the man, of course). Many modern folk believe this to be Older Than Feudalism. However, it's actually a Cyclic Trope. The humor in Lysistrata in its own time, for example, came from the trope that All Women Are Lustful and therefore would be incapable of withholding sex from men. The common belief that a woman needs to have an orgasm to get pregnant (putting "pleasing your wife" high on the list of a man's priorities) also precedes this trope. Both this trope and its inversion, All Women Are Lustful, can be invoked to support claims for Mars and Venus Gender Contrast. This is also part of the reasoning behind A Man Is Always Eager, even in life-or-death situations. The corollary to this trope is that All Men Are Perverts: see also Handsome Lech, and I'm a Man; I Can't Help It. See also Lousy Lovers Are Losers for a possible explanation of why women find sex a chore at best. Contrast All Women Are Lustful, the other side of the cycle that is slowly becoming more prominent in fiction despite both polarities being equally far away from truth in reality. When a woman internalizes this trope and looks down upon other women who don't, see Sour Prudes. Compare and contrast with My Girl Is a Slut, Be a Whore to Get Your Man, and Good Bad Girl, all of which address women's sexuality on the opposite of the spectrum. Also compare & contrast Virgin-Shaming. noreallife |
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Gilmore Girls: Mrs. Kim believes in this trope, and gives The Talk right before Lane's wedding, much like Peggy's talk to Kelly above, but played straight. Mrs. Kim reveals that she got pregnant with Lane on her wedding night and never had sex again. After her first time goes poorly, Lane thinks her mother was right, but Rory urges her to give it another try, with adjustments like doing it in a bed and not on a beach. | |
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Mississippi Masala: Anil's new wife seems to feel this way, as she refuses to sleep with him even after they get married. This may partly explain why, when he catches Demetrius and Mina together, Anil attacks Demetrius, as he's jealous not of Demetrius, but of the intimacy he's been denied (though this is only part of the reason). | |
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A split-screen conversation between Eric/Hyde and Donna/Jackie in That '70s Show, after Eric and Donna cut each other off from sex to see who can go without it the longest: | |
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The Simpsons: While otherwise Happily Married, this trope is an ongoing tension in Apu and Manjula's marriage. Apu clearly enjoys sex much more than his wife, who only voluntarily does it when they're trying to get pregnant. The rest of the time, she's very reluctant, if not outright refuses. This becomes a major plot point in an episode where Apu's sexual frustration drives him to have an affair. | |
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Played with in How Few Remain, the first book in the Timeline-191 series by Harry Turtledove. During the much maligned Samuel Clemens sex scene, he reflects to himself that his wife seems to genuinely enjoy sex, despite everything he's been told to the contrary. He doesn't go so far as to actually ask her opinion of sex, however. | |
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Subverted and lampshaded in the RWBY fic OTP Addiction. Jaune hesitantly tells Pyrrha that her outfit shows cleavage, apparently expecting her to be upset. He's shocked when Pyrrha asks if he enjoyed the view. | |
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Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal: In a World… where tropes are enforced, this one really sucks. | |
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In The Zero Context Series, Callista exemplifies this by always dressing conservatively, actively shunning marriage, romance and sex due to an incident in her past, and wearing a modified set of sunglasses that censor out anything she deems indecent. When she attends a wedding that she knows will end disastrously, she even takes steps to avert the outcome of Clothing Damage, warping reality to hide the fact that she's wearing an extra set of clothes beneath her dress in case the latter gets destroyed. | |
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Scrubs: Multiple: Dr. Kelso's wife only lets him have sex with her once a year, which makes him so happy that he turns from a heartless Jerkass into a Benevolent Boss for a single day. Except this is all a ruse on Kelso's part so that everybody waits until that one day to ask him for things instead of bothering him all year long. We have no idea how often his wife actually lets him have sex with her. A later episode revealed that this was an invoked trope, Kelso has been slipping his wife anti-depressants for the express purpose of killing her sex drive. Carla says that one of the advantages of getting married is that she won't have to have sex anymore unless she wants to. Carla will also take any excuse to deny Turk sex, to the point that Elliot can deny him sex whenever she wants just because she's friends with Carla. Inverted in one episode with Jordan's visiting friend, who gets shaky if she doesn't have sex every few days. And averted with Jordan herself. |
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Married... with Children: Inverted. Peg wants to have sex a whole lot more than Al does, while Straw Feminist Marcy is shown to have a definite and ongoing interest in it as well. Subverted in the episode "Raingirl", where Peggy gives this speech to Kelly: |
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Discworld Played straight with Granny Weatherwax. When told that "everyone is naked under their underwear", she replies that she is not, she wears a second layer of underwear. She doesn't just act like it, Granny is able to tame unicorns ("Granny" is an honorary title - she is not actually anyone's grandmother). She is also scandalized when Magrat wears trousers: "You can see her legs!" Despite her disapproval of nakedness and sex in general, she is not prone to punishing other women for it; as a witch, she has to act as midwife, and will not let women die in childbirth. It is also implied that she does know a lot about how sex works in theory - she knows about herbal aphrodisiacs and the like. The only instances where she scolds other women for acting indecently are with her fellow witches Nanny and Magrat. Subverted in Men at Arms and other books following the Watch; Angua likes sex, engages in sex early in a relationship or sometimes in outright casual sex (being a werewolf, relationships rarely last more than a month for her), and at the same time doesn't use sex to string men along or manipulate them. The women of the Disc in general are hardly prudish; Nanny Ogg is a prominent example. |
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An interesting inversion in The Big Bang Theory: Amy seems deeply interested in sex, but is dating Sheldon, who is himself an inversion of the opposite trope. Amy did play it straight when she first appeared on the show, however, when she was written as a female clone of Sheldon. | |
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In I Think I Love My Wife, this trope is a problem in Richard and Brenda's marriage. Richard complains of Brenda not wanting to have sex with him unless it's for having a baby. | |
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Averted in A Brother's Price: Women talk openly about sex, and many women are seen chasing after men they desire. Both sexes are expected to remain chaste until marriage, because of STD risk, but it's clear that most people like sex very much. (And others are just not interested in it.) | |
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Seinfeld: The main characters engage in a bet to see who can go the longest without masturbating. While Jerry, George, and Kramer each bet $100, they insist that Elaine put down $200 (though she argues them down to $150), since, as a woman, the odds are in her favor. She ends up being the second one eliminated. Played straight by Marla the Virgin, who broke up with Jerry after he told her about the contest. That is, until she met John F. Kennedy, Jr. Taken even further in another episode where she makes another bet with Jerry that she could break up with Puddy. Cue the montage of her paying Jerry over and over again after making up with Puddy. And by make up I mean 'make up sex'. That's the reason she couldn't stay away, the sex was too good. Then there was another episode where Jerry tried to perform the "roommate switch" (dumping the girl he was with and dating her roommate). The entire plan hinged on the girl he was dating getting disgusted at the idea of a "ménage-à -trois", while the roommate is flattered by her proposed inclusion and decides to go out with him. Instead, both girls are into the idea and Jerry decided not to do it because he's "not an orgy guy". The proposal of a "ménage-à -trois" returns in a later episode. George is uncomfortable with his new girlfriend having a male roommate (that looks a lot like him to boot) and gets his girlfriend to make him move out. When it turns out that all of the apartment's velvet furniture that George loved belonged to the roommate, he attempts to get out of the relationship by proposing a three-way, hoping to disgust her. Not only are the girl and the roommate both into the idea, they had already been discussing it beforehand! |
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An oft-repeated urban legend (that made it into Watchmen) holds that Neil Armstrong said "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky!" while on the Moon, the explanation being that as a boy he'd gone into the Gorskys' yard to get back a baseball, and heard Mrs. Gorsky shout "Oral sex?! You want oral sex?! You'll get it the day the neighbor's kid walks on the Moon!". | |
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In The Guardians, this is the opinion of 18th century Henry Grey, Alice's first husband. When Alice expressed dissatisfaction with their love life, he scolded her and blamed her parents for letting her learn ideas beneath her station. | |
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Liz Lemon of 30 Rock started off as disinterested in sex and this was later Flanderized into a Paralyzing Fear of Sexuality. Subverted, in that her attitude is portrayed as being unusual and part of her geekiness. The season-five episode "Reaganing" provides a Freudian Excuse for her fear of sex. | |
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The New Retcons: This is John’s justification for cheating on Elly with sex workers and Kortney. She was rather frigid, especially as they grew older. | |
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Averted in the BBC show Chef! (1993) where Janice is very interested in sex and the fact that Gareth is usually too tired is a sore point in their marriage. | |
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Subverted in Men at Arms and other books following the Watch; Angua likes sex, engages in sex early in a relationship or sometimes in outright casual sex (being a werewolf, relationships rarely last more than a month for her), and at the same time doesn't use sex to string men along or manipulate them. The women of the Disc in general are hardly prudish; Nanny Ogg is a prominent example. | |
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Kazohinia: Inverted, where the protagonist approaches a Hin woman expecting this and trying to act all sensitive. The woman's reaction? Asking him if he's "interested in providing her with sexual service". She even remarks that women from the protagonist's homeland must be very unfortunate if all they get is 'romance' when they ask a man to satisfy them. The protagonist even takes note of how indecent Hin women can sometimes act. | |
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Part of the premise of Pokémon fanfic Olivine Romance — Jasmine abhors all notions of sexuality and romance, actively condemning all males as nothing more than lust-crazed animals. Her sexually-progressive friends get fed up with her attitude and devise ways to break her of her prudishness. It's only later in the plot when they think to ask the important question as to why Jasmine is this way. | |
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Clay teaches this trope to Orel in "The Blessed Union" episode of Moral Orel after Clay catches him leaving the sex shop. Clay tells Orel that women don't need fancy bells and whistles like genital piercings in order to be happy. He continues by saying that Bloberta doesn't care one lick about the sex part of their relationship. Clay then tells Orel that the reason why women are smarter than men is that they found the simple way to be happy is by cooking, cleaning, and bearing children and not by having sex. | |
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Discussed in the All in the Family episode "The Joys of Sex". Edith tells Archie that before they got married, her mother told her that there'll be one thing about marriage she won't like, but it's the wife's duty. Edith assumed it was doing the laundry. Later, she figured out her mother meant sex, which Edith actually enjoyed, but couldn't admit this to her mother. | |
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Similarly on Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. After Mike and Sully have married, she and the other women are attending their weekly quilting circle. Mike mentions that her own mother had given her the "wifely duty" talk and that even though she initially felt the same, she now finds marriage very "agreeable". At which point, all the other women cheerfully concur, thus averting this trope, despite their apparently prudish appearances. In that same episode, even though it's now been well established that she enjoys sex, Mike is still very shy, almost to the point of embarrassment about making advances to Sully—"I was always taught that a woman shouldn't ask." Sully assures her that he doesn't think less of her for it. The quilting circle women also say that men would probably be disturbed to find out just how "agreeable" the women find it, which is why they don't tell them. Amusingly, Mike did display this trope when Sully began undressing her the second they were alone in their honeymoon suite, squealing, "It's not even dark yet!" (though this could also be because she's a virgin and incredibly nervous). |
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Sets off the plot of the film Extract, then inverted when the wife was entirely willing to have a great deal of sex with the pool boy. Lack of sex in the marriage was really the symptom of deeper problems. | |
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The 1961 film Splendor in the Grass (set in 1928), is a Deconstruction of this trope. When teenager Deanie asks her mother if she ever felt "that way" about her husband, she explains that no nice girl has sexual desires, and she never enjoyed sex with him: "I just gave in because a wife has to. A woman doesn't enjoy those things the way a man does. She just lets her husband come near her in order to have children." The rest of the movie deals with sexual liberation and ends on quite a bittersweet note. | |
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In Young Lady Chatterley II, an unhappy marriage has left Judith extremely uptight and sexually repressed. She not only denies her own sexuality, but she pushes her brother and her son into joining the priesthood to keep them away from the evils of sex. | |
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Played with in the Lost Girl/Merlin crossover Lost in Camelot, as Bo and Kenzi are fairly casual about their sex appeal after being sent back in time to Camelot, but standards of the time prompt Morgana in particular to be more reticent. Over the course of the story, Morgana and Gwen are shocked to see Bo wearing her 'underwear' (which from Bo's perspective covers more than her usual clothes), Freya is highly uncomfortable at the idea of wearing some of Kenzi’s clothing, and Morgana is slightly awkward when she goes along with Bo's plan that they both dress seductively for Merlin's birthday. | |
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Frequently used on the American version of Men Behaving Badly to drive various plotlines. | |
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An episode of Yes, Dear had the woman who was supposed to babysit the kids on Valentine's Day cancel because she had a date. Kim is on the phone asking her to reconsider, saying that "Guys are only after one thing, and as soon as he finds out you're not going to give it to him, he'll move on." Combines with Contractual Purity when the babysitter admits to having already given it to him. Kim immediately hangs up and says she doesn't want her around their children anymore. | |
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A Softer World: See this strip. | |
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Parodied in Sticky Dilly Buns. Ruby, who is a prude at this point in the story (having a pretty good Freudian Excuse for the fact), really wants to believe that most women are the same, aside from her ex-porn star sister Amber. However, not only does she think that cats also mostly avoid sex (which would be news to a lot of cat owners), she keeps involuntarily imagining cute guys making out, which rather calls into question even her own prudishness. | |
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How I Met Your Mother: Averted in a funny way, the men are in a tailor shop when Marshall urges Ted not to attempt a Long-Distance Relationship with Victoria, saying, "Long-distance was invented by women. All talking and no sex? Kill me now." In a scene that is shown later but took place around the same time, Lily (Marshall's fiancee) urges Victoria not to attempt a long-distance relationship with Ted, saying, "All talking and no sex? Kill me now." Lily has also been shown in other episodes to have a fairly high sex drive. Robin as well. And then it and the Double Standard counterpart A Man Is Always Eager are played straight when Stella, justifying her five-year streak of celibacy, says seriously, "Men regret the women they don't sleep with. Women regret the men they do." Granted, she may have been referring to the fact that her last sexual partner left her with a daughter, which clearly affects her life a lot more than it affected his. |
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Don't Meddle with My Daughter!: For the majority of the series, Clara shows no interest in anything having to do with sex, though the matter isn't discussed until "The Amazing Eighth Wonder no.3". During a phone conversation between Hana and Clara's mother, Athena, Hana says Clara is a prude, which is why it upsets her that her mother is promiscuous. Though the more underlying reason is that Clara is a lesbian and wants her mother for herself. | |
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Little Mosque on the Prairie played a Lysistrata Gambit that averted this. Sarah banishes Yasir from the bedroom and they both become frustrated and distracted. | |
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Frasier: Frasier's famous line, "How can [men] possibly use sex to get what we want? Sex is what we want!" ...implying that it isn't what women want. Or perhaps that women can want many things, which may or may not include sex, but sex is the only thing men want. In another episode Niles mentions that his wife Maris is a "sexual camel" who can go for months without sex. She uses this fact against Niles by withholding sex in order to get him to do things she wants. |
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Teru thinks this about Mob in the Mob Psycho 100 genderswap fanfic Playing Games and can't seem to let go of this idea no matter how enthusiastically Mob consents. | |
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