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Comically Inept Healing

408 statements
78 feature instances
46 referencing feature instances

Comically Inept Healing	type	FeatureClass
Comically Inept Healing	label	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing	page	ComicallyIneptHealing
Comically Inept Healing	comment	The human body is a delicate thing, and when a person is injured or sick it's vital to give them proper care to aid healing. Or, you could just stick some leeches on their arm and hope for the best. This trope occurs when someone attempts to perform medicine despite not having the faintest idea what they're doing, and only succeeds in making things worse. They often have rather... creative ideas about what constitutes medical aid. If you find yourself in the care of one of these people, run away quickly and don't look back. Common traits of these include using amputation for every malady, diagnosing mild illnesses as ridiculously lethal ones, using implements that obviously aren't medically safe (i.e. using a kitchen knife instead of a scalpel), or making use of obviously quack or seriously outdated methods. Quite frequently, if the erstwhile doctor doesn't simply kill their patient, they can manage medically impossible tasks solely through Achievements in Ignorance, like replacing someone's organs with objects in the vicinity or sewing functioning limbs on backwards. Need not be performed by an actual doctor: any obviously terrible attempt at healing counts.
Comically Inept Healing	fetched	2024-02-16T03:45:51Z
Comically Inept Healing	parsed	2024-02-16T03:45:51Z
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Comically Inept Healing	processingComment	Dropped link to TheMedic: Not an Item - FEATURE
Comically Inept Healing	processingComment	Dropped link to WeirdAlYankovic: Not an Item - IGNORE
Comically Inept Healing	processingComment	Dropped link to WorstAid: Not an Item - FEATURE
Comically Inept Healing	processingComment	Dropped link to playedfordrama: Not an Item - FEATURE
Comically Inept Healing	processingUnknown	KidsInTheHall
Comically Inept Healing	isPartOf	DBTropes
Comically Inept Healing / int_14a837ea	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_14a837ea	comment	Nearly everything about the Awful Hospital...at least for human beings.
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Awful Hospital (Webcomic)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_14a837ea
Comically Inept Healing / int_14f9297e	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_14f9297e	comment	The Far Side One strip had a husband trying to practice home surgery on his wife using a Time-Life book and complaining that she's thrashing around too much. The retrospective book The Prehistory of The Far Side had a bunch of comic sketches that were never submitted to newspapers for whatever reason. One of these had a bunch of doctors performing surgery. The head surgeon stops and says "Wow, halfway through the procedure and suddenly I'm drawing a complete blank. In fact, I think I'm an ice cream man."
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The Far Side (Comic Strip)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_14f9297e
Comically Inept Healing / int_16fc4335	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_16fc4335	comment	A serious example in the Collegium Chronicles. At this point in Valdemar's history first aid training is discouraged by many Healers, and as a result Amily's broken leg isn't properly immobilized by her rescuers. By the time a Healer sees her, the bones have knit back together the wrong way, leaving her lame.
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Heralds of Valdemar	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_16fc4335
Comically Inept Healing / int_19d0dcbb	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_19d0dcbb	comment	Implied in the Mystery Case Files title Escape From Ravenhearst, in which an animatronic figure representing a Mad Doctor spouts off disturbing statements while acting out the part of surgeon in a creepy hospital diorama. One of his lines is "I should have gone to medical school...".
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Comically Inept Healing / int_19d0dcbb	featureConfidence	1.0
Mystery Case Files (Video Game)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_19d0dcbb
Comically Inept Healing / int_1a4438ee	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_1a4438ee	comment	All Guardsmen Party: Due to the abnormal anatomy and physiology of Space Marines and the side-effects of Tyranid venom, Doc and Tink's attempts to administer first aid to Sergeant Gravis quickly devolves into this.
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All Guardsmen Party (Fanfic)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_1a4438ee
Comically Inept Healing / int_210767ac	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_210767ac	comment	Crusader Kings: If you have a disease, your court physician can be called upon to apply all the wonders of 8th-14th century medicine to you. Sometimes this can help, whether from placebo or the physician actually knowing what they're doing (e.g. performing a successful surgery to remove a cancerous growth), but sometimes they can can leave you worse off than before. The flavor text indulges in a lot of Black Comedy, whether or not it works.
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Crusader Kings (Video Game)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_210767ac
Comically Inept Healing / int_22b8b4b0	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_22b8b4b0	comment	Dr. Crowley from Twistwood Tales is not the best at his job, as a lot of his methods (e. g. removing a loose tooth by tying it with string to a doorâ€™s handle and then throwing the door off a cliff in "Brave Boy") donâ€™t then to mesh well with his patients.
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Twistwood Tales (Webcomic)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_22b8b4b0
Comically Inept Healing / int_261c8d3f	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_261c8d3f	comment	The Simpsons: Dr Nick Riviera ("Hi, Doctor Nick!") is an amoral quack who'll show up at any medical emergency, sometimes pursued by angry former patients. Played with in the case of Dr. Hibbert, who is the Simpsons' normally competent family doctor. However, in Trilogy of Error, when Homer accidentally gets one of his thumbs cut off, Hibbert suggests that the other thumb should get cut off for "a sense of symmetry". Marge and Homer are then immediately seen driving away from Hibbert's office. This one is less about Hibbert specifically and more of a knock at HMOs; Homer, only having finger insurance, isn't covered for thumbs.
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Comically Inept Healing / int_29e77392	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_29e77392	comment	The "Historical Paramedics" sketches on Horrible Histories feature 'paramedics' from different historical eras applying period remedies to modern day patients, and usually leaving the patients in a worse condition than when they started, to the horror of the patient and onlookers. Similar ideas are used in the "Historical Hospital" and "Historical Dentist" sketches.
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Horrible Histories	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_29e77392
Comically Inept Healing / int_337f0e20	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_337f0e20	comment	The Writing on the Wall: The archeological party's reactions to the tomb's curse would be the correct reactions to a sickness (remaining in place to quarantine the disease and burning the bodies to destroy pathogens). Unfortunately, they're exactly the wrong things to do in response to radiation poisoning. Radiation isn't contagious, so you want to get out of there to prevent further exposure, and burning the bodies only releases the radioactive particles into the air.
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The Writing on the Wall (Fanfic)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_337f0e20
Comically Inept Healing / int_38c87187	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_38c87187	comment	Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal provides the page image, along with a number of other "fake doctor" and "bad doctor" strips.
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Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal (Webcomic)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_38c87187
Comically Inept Healing / int_38dcc0e1	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_38dcc0e1	comment	The Superior Foes of Spider-Man: When Speed Demon injured his left leg right before an upcoming heist, the rest of the gang's idea of medically treating him so he can still participate is strapping his cast-covered leg into a rollerskate, shoving him in the general direction of the enemy, and hoping for the best.
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The Superior Foes of Spider-Man (Comic Book)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_38dcc0e1
Comically Inept Healing / int_3ba81aa2	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_3ba81aa2	comment	Subverted in Toriko: Saiseiya Yosaku use his own spittle to close wounds and even reattach lost limbs... and it actually works!
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Toriko (Manga)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_3ba81aa2
Comically Inept Healing / int_3cd90f30	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_3cd90f30	comment	Arrested Development: This is how Tobias Funke lost his medical license (a psychotherapy license!), by giving CPR to a man that needed none and breaking several ribs. Then he demonstrated his lifesaving intent in court and broke more ribs.
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Comically Inept Healing / int_3e5de40b	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_3e5de40b	comment	In Scrubs Doug is the worst intern ever, in fact he is so bad he makes the perfect coroner because he knows all the ways that a Doctor can screw up and kill someone.
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Comically Inept Healing / int_3f4a104b	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_3f4a104b	comment	Dilbert: One early series of strips had Dilbert visiting a "Jiffy Med Center" and being treated by a physician with no medical training and no clue because they couldn't afford real doctors.
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Comically Inept Healing / int_416425b2	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_416425b2	comment	In Houseguest, Sinbad's character is posing as a man known as a top-notch dentist. At one point, some other dentists ask him to demonstrate his technique on a tooth extraction. He starts off by accidentally washing his hands with Novocaine, and things just go downhill from there. He does somehow manage to get the tooth out, though.
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Comically Inept Healing / int_42ffb88e	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_42ffb88e	comment	The SCP Foundation has SCP-049-J, a parody of Deadly Doctor SCP-049. While 049 is known for killing his "patients", this is framed as a result of his Touch of Death combined with his habit of seeking out "diseased" people for mysterious purposes, followed by performing strange procedures which typically end in the person being raised as an undead monster. 049-J, meanwhile, has a much simpler explanation for why it kills all its patients: it's completely nuts, and a moron. In the experiment log, it's shown trying to cure a sore throat by beating the person's neck in with a shoe. The article claims that the only reason 049-J is considered anomalous (besides its inhuman physiology) is that it has an uncanny ability to escape whatever medical disaster it just caused, and somehow convince people that it might be able to cure someone next time.
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SCP Foundation (Website)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_42ffb88e
Comically Inept Healing / int_468bebb0	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_468bebb0	comment	The Guild of Barber-Surgeons in Discworld seem to mostly be this, at least until former Back-Alley Doctor Dr Lawn rises high enough in the profession to make some changes. In Feet of Clay, when Colon suggests calling a doctor in for Lord Vetinari, Vimes replies "Are you mad? We want him to live!" (which is why they call a veterinarian instead, more competent because the local mafia gets very angry when a racehorse dies). Tolliver Groat of the Post Office sits somewhere between here and Worst Aid, all of it self-administered. Having a combination of hypochondria, a total lack of actual medical knowledge by even the lax standards of the Disc, and a total distrust of actual medical professionals, he does stuff like smear goose grease and bread pudding on his vest in ever-increasing layers and fill his trousers with two of the three ingredients for gunpowder. When he's eventually forced to see a real doctor, it's voiced that he's probably indestructible, given the sheer amount of medical malpractice/nonpractice he keeps applying to himself.
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Discworld	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_468bebb0
Comically Inept Healing / int_4bfd69e6	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_4bfd69e6	comment	Hot Shots! has the doctor for Dead Meat, who's more focused on whether the patient has a bigger penis, biting the patient's nose, and getting a morphine injection for himself than actually treating wounds.
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Hot Shots!	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_4bfd69e6
Comically Inept Healing / int_4c300a8c	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_4c300a8c	comment	Lilo & Stitch: The Series: In the episode "Poxy", Pleakley gets a bizarre illness. When he tells Lilo and Stitch about it, their response is to attempt to "operate" on Pleakley - in Stitch's case, by way of a chainsaw.
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Lilo & Stitch: The Series	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_4c300a8c
Comically Inept Healing / int_5755b96a	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_5755b96a	comment	In The Order of the Stick, Elan is called to heal an injured crewmember of an airship. The process of healing looks like hilarious quackery. Subverted in that Elan is a D&D bard and thus has some actual healing powers, if of lower potency than those of a cleric.
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The Order of the Stick (Webcomic)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_5755b96a
Comically Inept Healing / int_5921531a	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_5921531a	comment	In Persona 3, the school nurse Mr. Edogawa is a Hippie Teacher who has a fascination with the occult, and gives sick kids bizarre concoctions he cooks up that do nothing to actually improve their health (but raises the Player Character's Courage stat). Refusing his "medicine" will lead to him giving a random healing item instead (which can be used in battle but not for your cold).
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Persona 3 (Video Game)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_5921531a
Comically Inept Healing / int_59da62aa	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_59da62aa	comment	The Y-17 trauma harness in Fallout: New Vegas was a suit of armor designed to carry someone back to a home base when they were injured, and even defend themselves due to "learning" to fight from their wearer. Due to poor design, this meant that it was moving them great distances in a way near-guaranteed to exacerbate their injuries (and if the home base wasn't defined, then the suit entered a "wander" state and just patrolled aimlessly). Unsurprisingly, most users of the harness died in one, and by the time you find them, they're still patrolling, with the skeletons of their old users still stuck inside. You may cause this on your own on two separate occasions. At Nellis AFB and at Camp Forlorn Hope, you can offer to help the local doctors by treating various patients. With a sufficiently low Medicine skill, you will screw up and kill the patients horribly. (If you're secretly with the Legion, you may want to do this intentionally at Forlorn Hope.)
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Fallout: New Vegas (Video Game)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_59da62aa
Comically Inept Healing / int_5b8abe25	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_5b8abe25	comment	In Rusty and Co., the gnoll cleric, who favors operating with construction tools.
Comically Inept Healing / int_5b8abe25	featureApplicability	1.0
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Rusty and Co. (Webcomic)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_5b8abe25
Comically Inept Healing / int_63c1175b	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_63c1175b	comment	Ultra Fast Pony: In "Reading to Rainbow", Rainbow Dash is hospitalized for a broken wing. The doctor who treats her is so inept that the rest of the cast has to ask him if he's sure he's actually a doctor.
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Ultra Fast Pony (Web Video)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_63c1175b
Comically Inept Healing / int_6ac55ec7	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_6ac55ec7	comment	A somewhat infamous Dungeons & Dragons After-Action Report had a DM discuss a time when the players were escorting a young orphan who came down with a minor cold. The players rolled a Critical Failure to diagnose him, and believed it to be a case of "explosive wommblosis", opting to put the orphan out of his misery by shoving him in a sack and smacking him against a tree until he died.
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Dungeons & Dragons (Tabletop Game)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_6ac55ec7
Comically Inept Healing / int_6bef8832	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_6bef8832	comment	In Baldur's Gate III, the party befriends famous Gentleman Adventurer and Doom Magnet Volothamp Geddarm, who believes he's found a way to remove their mind flayer parasites. He then performs a crude surgery on the Player Character, jamming a needle and then ice pick into their brain, removing their eye. He then makes up for it by giving them a magical replacement that gives them True Sight.
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Comically Inept Healing / int_6c1234ed	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_6c1234ed	comment	Deliberately implemented in Dwarf Fortress when a dorf's Diagnostic skill is ridiculously low. The now-iconic example from the forums involved an infected cut being misdiagnosed as rotting lungs, and the "afflicted" organs duly amputated. Tragically, the patient didn't survive.
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Dwarf Fortress (Video Game)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_6c1234ed
Comically Inept Healing / int_6f20b4e	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_6f20b4e	comment	EXTRAPOWER: Attack of Darkforce: When Daitoku Igor is rescued from the Dark Force army, there is tension on how to remove the mind-control device embedded in his brain. The team has a medical doctor on hand, but the differences between human and alien physiology is too unknown - it's impossible to even begin to speculate on what could possibly be a safe operation. In all this drama, someone decides that with so many unknowns, they might as well just rip the device out. And do. Amazingly, this defies all odds and actually works, restoring Daitoku Igor to his pre-brainwashed state.
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Comically Inept Healing / int_717c5f25	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_717c5f25	comment	Gamaran: While returning from his battle against the Tengen Ryuu Gama notices the gravity of the wound inflicted on his left arm and wonders if he can heal it with his saliva and proceeds to lick the wound. At this point Shimon Kudo steps him by telling him that he should visit a doctor instead.
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Gamaran (Manga)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_717c5f25
Comically Inept Healing / int_7460586f	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_7460586f	comment	Dr. Krieger on Archer is a subversion of this. He apparently isn't a real doctor (it seems his first name is actually "Doctor"), has no real concept of human anatomy and mostly performs highly questionable "mad science" under non-sterile conditions, but somehow usually ends up healing his patients and even making them better than they were before.
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Comically Inept Healing / int_755e3296	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_755e3296	comment	A truly terrifying example in The Dragon King's Temple. Over the course of the first several chapters, Zuko is getting progressively sicker and sicker from elemental deprivation. Toph and Zuko both know that the only thing that can save him is some time outside under Sun, but the SGC repeatedly refuse to understand that "let us see sunlight" is not a metaphor for feeling confined and refuse to allow Toph and Zuko outside. What truly pushes it over into this trope is that one of the reasons they are so adamant about not letting Zuko go outside is precisely because he's suffering from elemental deprivation and they don't want to risk exposing him to Terran diseases with a weakened immune system.
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The Dragon King's Temple / Fan Fic	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_755e3296
Comically Inept Healing / int_761813a6	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_761813a6	comment	In Band of Brothers, Moose is accidentally shot by a friendly sentry. Winters and Welsh provide first aid until the medic arrives. Doc Roe promptly informs them that they gave Moose a morphine overdose, which is far more likely to kill him than the bullets were, and chews them out for being that stupid.
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Band of Brothers	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_761813a6
Comically Inept Healing / int_76e1b7cc	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_76e1b7cc	comment	She also has Ultimate Heal in the fangame Deltatraveler. It's still bad, and you're better off using either items or Noelle's Healing Prayer.
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Deltatraveler / Videogame	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_76e1b7cc
Comically Inept Healing / int_7885461f	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_7885461f	comment	Frame Arms Girls: Ao gets a cold in episode 9, and the FA Girls try to gather materials to cure her illness. What they return with is a giant pile of useless items that includes live chickens, potted cacti, and an excess number of charms all for various folk remedies. Their attempt at cooking a soup ends up creating purple smoke that forces Ao to open a window, so the FA Girls simply shove a bunch of herbs and a hard drive with an antivirus software into her mouth before Ao simply faints.
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Comically Inept Healing / int_793e3d3e	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_793e3d3e	comment	In The Grossery Gang webseries arc "Get Well Spewn", the cures that Rocky, Meathead, and Fingers try and use to help a cold-affected Pizza Face are this. These include a dunking in molten hot sauce, a slushie-and-sour-milk concoction poured through his nostrils, and attempting to roll him up to squeeze all his snot out.
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The Grossery Gang (Web Animation)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_793e3d3e
Comically Inept Healing / int_7bf6a74c	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_7bf6a74c	comment	In The Beverly Hillbillies Granny brings her mountain doctorin' with her to Beverly Hills. She dislikes the drugstore because it has no drugs in it, "they should call it a what-not shop." Her "rumatiz medicine" is just bootleg whiskey. She has an old mountain cure for the common cold which a drug conglomerate wants to buy until they find out it's just grain alcohol and the prescription is to drink it daily, get plenty of bed rest and additional fluids, and your cold will be "miraculously" cured in about a week.
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The Beverly Hillbillies	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_7bf6a74c
Comically Inept Healing / int_7c4f1adb	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_7c4f1adb	comment	Our Miss Brooks: In "First Air Course", Miss Brooks purposely invokes this trope to avoid teaching the eponymous program.
Comically Inept Healing / int_7c4f1adb	featureApplicability	1.0
Comically Inept Healing / int_7c4f1adb	featureConfidence	1.0
Our Miss Brooks (Radio)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_7c4f1adb
Comically Inept Healing / int_7cda381e	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_7cda381e	comment	Assassin's Creed: Odyssey: One questline has the Eagle Bearer having to deal with a health spa where snakes have gotten lose in one of the healing baths. The snakes were intended to lick the diseases out of patients, because this is Ancient Greece and Hippokrates has only just gotten started, so medical science is in its infancy. To them, this is a perfectly viable form of medicine.
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Assassin's Creed: Odyssey (Video Game)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_7cda381e
Comically Inept Healing / int_7d5f8592	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_7d5f8592	comment	Isabella from Paranatural notices a cut on teammate Issac's face and tackles him to the ground so that she can "help" him. She succeeds in wrapping his entire head in bandages like a mummy.
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Comically Inept Healing / int_7e1563ba	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_7e1563ba	comment	The doctors in South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut somehow botch Kenny's surgery so badly (at one point, they seem to be going in there with hedge trimmers) that they replace his heart with a baked potato. Somehow, he survived long enough for them to tell him he had three seconds to live.
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South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_7e1563ba
Comically Inept Healing / int_7e41486c	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_7e41486c	comment	In Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, race car driver Ricky Bobby is convinced he's been paralyzed after a crash and tries to prove it to his teammate Cal Naughton Jr. and his crew chief Lucius Washington by stabbing himself in the leg with a knife. After Ricky realizes he does have feeling in his legs, Lucius decides the best course of action is to cut the knife out of his friend's thigh.
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Comically Inept Healing / int_81ab8f03	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_81ab8f03	comment	In Card Hunter, there is a low level healing spell called "Misguided Heal", that does two damage to your adventurer before healing the character for four gaining a net heal of 2. Useful if combined with armor. With the mail armor in game you can get four health instead of two due to the two initial damage being preventable with armor. Since the damage is applied first (and the healing isn't applied if the target dies) you can also use it as an improvised 2-damage attack.
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Card Hunter (Video Game)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_81ab8f03
Comically Inept Healing / int_87b55b5d	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_87b55b5d	comment	The Onion: "World's Oldest Neurosurgeon Turns 100." The titular neurosurgeon is shown to be unable to hold a scalpel without his hands quivering, suffered a stroke in the 1980s, rates his number of surgeries as "800 to 3,000", and has a diploma authorizing him "for the treatment of the bad humors of the brain." Newspapers note that quite a few patients have died in his care, unsurprisingly.
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The Onion (Website)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_87b55b5d
Comically Inept Healing / int_89bf8ce	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_89bf8ce	comment	Dr. Leo Spaceman from 30 Rock. Granted he generally is only used to write prescriptions anyway. Liz briefly dated a doctor who was so handsome that everyone was nice to him and gave him a free pass. This meant he was painfully dumb and utterly incompetent at everything he attempted, but believed he was highly skilled and talented. His abilities as a doctor were never really demonstrated, but the fact he couldn't perform the Heimlich maneuver wasn't a good sign.
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30 Rock	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_89bf8ce
Comically Inept Healing / int_903a9871	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_903a9871	comment	In Dark Heresy, your own character can be this, if you attempt a Medicae check and roll poorly. You'll suffer an additional penalty for working on Xenos, unless they are Orks. With Orks you get a bonus, because they are so tough you can't possibly make the injury worse.... Orks, expecting a Mad Dok, will only seek medical treatment when they have no other choice.
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Dark Heresy (Tabletop Game)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_903a9871
Comically Inept Healing / int_9068877a	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_9068877a	comment	Red vs. Blue has Doc, who has endorsed CPR as a valid treatment for a bullet to the head, treated a gunshot wound to the foot by rubbing the victim's neck with some aloe vera. Though as he's quick to remind people, he's not a doctor he's a medic. A doctor helps you recover, a medic just makes you feel better while you die. Later character Dr. Gray is an actual doctor and is perfectly capable of keeping people alive... in situations where they really probably shouldn't be.
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Comically Inept Healing / int_93a81b11	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_93a81b11	comment	Two Point Hospital: While the working cures are often as silly as the diseases, Holistix is a punching bag for the absolute worthlessness of their holistic and homeopathic cures. If their CEO is angered enough, he will attempt to poison your staff... and fail, because his homeopathic poisons are just as useless.
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Comically Inept Healing / int_9696d8cc	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_9696d8cc	comment	Meet the BLU Medic has said Medic's medigun do the exact opposite of healing, actually killing whoever gets healed. It was rather telling that none of the rest of the team liked being healed for this reason, even before he used the medigun on them.
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Comically Inept Healing / int_9888e7c2	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_9888e7c2	comment	Dan Vs.: In "Dan Vs. The Animal Shelter", two hospital orderlies mention offhand that only the patients with really good insurance get examined by a real doctor—everyone else just sees an actor dressed as a doctor. This becomes a Chekhov's Gag when, at the end, Dan gets his face badly scratched by a cat and has to go to the hospital:
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Comically Inept Healing / int_9908ca47	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_9908ca47	comment	Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: Gilderoy Lockheart attempts to heal Harry's broken arm with a spell but accidentally removes all of the bones in his arm instead.
Comically Inept Healing / int_9908ca47	featureApplicability	1.0
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Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_9908ca47
Comically Inept Healing / int_9b602c3f	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_9b602c3f	comment	In Deltarune Chapter 2, Susie gains a spell called Ultimate Heal, which, with a full TP Gauge, restores HP equivalent to her Magic stat +1... Which is barely above a single digit, if even that. Possibly because she's casting it as an attack spell. She also has Ultimate Heal in the fangame Deltatraveler. It's still bad, and you're better off using either items or Noelle's Healing Prayer.
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Deltarune (Video Game)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_9b602c3f
Comically Inept Healing / int_a0465376	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_a0465376	comment	Buddy Thunderstruck: Roby attempts to fake an injury at a truck stop in order to sue, but unfortunately for him, Buddy is under the impression that he can fix a broken back with Heimlich; and then what he actually does is attempt to perform CPR instead.
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Buddy Thunderstruck	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_a0465376
Comically Inept Healing / int_a183d57f	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_a183d57f	comment	Dr. Zoidberg of Futurama is supposedly an expert in alien medicine. Unfortunately, most of his patients are human, and he has repeatedly been shown to have virtually no working knowledge of human biology. Several years of "healing" the crew later and we get a line stating his doctorate is in art history. One episode shows that his name has become a byword in the medical community for absolute mind-boggling malpractice. One notable example comes from "The Tip of the Zoidberg", where he spectacularly fails to heal the crew's ailments before they go to an "actual doctor" that successfully cures them.
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Comically Inept Healing / int_a1889450	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_a1889450	comment	A non-canon strip in Sidekick Girl has Val try to help one of the comic's creators with her back problems... via a 'healing spinal punch'. It doesn't work out.
Comically Inept Healing / int_a1889450	featureApplicability	1.0
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Sidekick Girl (Webcomic)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_a1889450
Comically Inept Healing / int_a4ff8e01	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_a4ff8e01	comment	Florence Nightingale in Fate/Grand Order is actually a nigh-inhumanly good physician and surgeon, and acts as a White Mage in gameplay. Unfortunately, she also has a 19th-century knowledge base and habits, and is under a curse that makes her obsessively want to keep everyone in perfect health. As a result, leave her to her own devices and she will throw someone into quarantine over a case of the hiccups and employ amputation as her first resort for every physical ailment. It doesn't help that she considers "the patient is dead and therefore not sick anymore" to be a more acceptable result than leaving them sick.
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Fate/Grand Order (Video Game)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_a4ff8e01
Comically Inept Healing / int_a9f06cb6	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_a9f06cb6	comment	VeggieTales: The Silly Song "The Yodeling Veterinarian of the Alps" casts Larry the Cucumber as an eccentric veterinarian who believes that yodeling to the pets brought in will instantly cure them of all of their ills. Of course, in reality the yodeling does absolutely nothing and the reason the patients get over their various ills is because the nurse (played by Pa Grape) gives the pets' owners real medical advice behind Larry's back, but everyone thinks that it's solely the yodeling that's makes Larry's practice so successful. Then everything (quite literally) comes crashing down when the success gets to Larry's head and he denies Pa a pay raise, resulting in Pa doing nothing when Larry tries to heal a bear caught in several bear traps with his yodeling, to predictable results.
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VeggieTales	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_a9f06cb6
Comically Inept Healing / int_aa5b7cc2	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_aa5b7cc2	comment	Navaan in Oglaf claims to be a doctor, but her healing methods include such questionable practices as putting an acorn in the stump of an amputated limb and stuffing it with dirt, which she thinks will grow a new limb.
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Oglaf (Webcomic)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_aa5b7cc2
Comically Inept Healing / int_ae0356e0	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_ae0356e0	comment	Doctor Vindaloo, a recurring bit character on Courage the Cowardly Dog, has a doctorate hanging on his wall that actually reads "Quack" on it. His appearances usually consist of making a bleak and outlandish diagnosis, before reassuring the patient:
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Courage the Cowardly Dog	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_ae0356e0
Comically Inept Healing / int_b0fc9724	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_b0fc9724	comment	Saturday Night Live had several sketches about "Theodoric of York, Medieval Barber'' (played by Steve Martin). He would order his patients to undergo bloodletting or some other medieval quackery, usually resulting in their disability or death.
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Saturday Night Live	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_b0fc9724
Comically Inept Healing / int_b1c94339	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_b1c94339	comment	In The Happy Return (the first Horatio Hornblower book), the ship's only surgeon is an unqualified and panicky assistant. Given that this is already 1803, this is bad news for wounded sailors. Lady Barbara takes over care of the wounded herself and is much more competent, providing better care and helpful suggestions.
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Horatio Hornblower	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_b1c94339
Comically Inept Healing / int_bc848d30	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_bc848d30	comment	When SpongeBob SquarePants gets the Suds, he at first calls Sandy to take him to the doctor, but then he gets scared by Patrick's horror stories about the doctor's office. He asks Patrick to cure him instead, but his "cures" - which include plugging up his pores, putting seanut butter and bread on his foot, pulling out his tooth, jumping on him, putting a very large bandage on him, and even medieval torture- only makes things worse.
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SpongeBob SquarePants	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_bc848d30
Comically Inept Healing / int_bcadd7cb	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_bcadd7cb	comment	Warhammer 40,000: The closest thing Orks have to doctors are Mad Doks (or Painboyz), who frequently experiment on their patients. These range from having weapons grafted on to having your brain swapped with a squig's. Orks are so tough that it's really all they need; they can even recover from decapitation if somebody staples their head back on within a few hours. In Dark Heresy, your own character can be this, if you attempt a Medicae check and roll poorly. You'll suffer an additional penalty for working on Xenos, unless they are Orks. With Orks you get a bonus, because they are so tough you can't possibly make the injury worse.... Orks, expecting a Mad Dok, will only seek medical treatment when they have no other choice.
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Warhammer 40,000 (Tabletop Game)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_bcadd7cb
Comically Inept Healing / int_bdcc3337	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_bdcc3337	comment	In Boundaries, Blue instinctively tries to help Delta and Echo by licking their wounds and forcing them to walk. It is made abundantly clear that she's doing more harm than good.
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Boundaries Jurassic Park / Fan Fic	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_bdcc3337
Comically Inept Healing / int_bee47cbe	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_bee47cbe	comment	Unsounded: When Sette bites off Vanilla's finger Stockyard dismisses Vanilla's cries for help with;
Comically Inept Healing / int_bee47cbe	featureApplicability	1.0
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Unsounded (Webcomic)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_bee47cbe
Comically Inept Healing / int_c35714d6	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_c35714d6	comment	In the first episode of the first season of Blackadder, Edmund cuts off the king's head, then tries to revive him by placing it back on and pumping the kings arms up and down. Needless to say, it didn't work.
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Blackadder	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_c35714d6
Comically Inept Healing / int_c511c682	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_c511c682	comment	A similar situation happens in Asterix and the Magic Carpet, where a group of the Rajah's doctors get together to cure Cacofonix, who's lost his voice (which would in any other story be a blessing, but in this case they need him to sing). Their suggestions range from ineptly well-meaning to outright fatal (such as cutting his throat), before settling on soaking him overnight in a mix of elephant milk, stool and hair. It does nothing to cure him. Near the end, Asterix gives him some of the magic potion so he can help fight off the villains, and it clears up his voice right away.
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Comically Inept Healing / int_ca040a2a	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_ca040a2a	comment	The Myth: Xiao Chuan asks for anaesthetic. His rescuers (being from the Qin dynasty) have no idea what he's talking about, and when he explains they decide the best way to prevent him feeling pain is to knock him out.
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The Myth	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_ca040a2a
Comically Inept Healing / int_cb32d0d5	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_cb32d0d5	comment	Disenchantment: A health spa tries to cure drinking spoiled water by irritating the patient back to health, by having him tortured for twenty-four hours by a jerkass. Afterwards, the spa attendant admits that the cure could just be the passage of time.
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Disenchantment	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_cb32d0d5
Comically Inept Healing / int_ce94ce33	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_ce94ce33	comment	Jellystone!: Subverted with Yogi; the trailer presents Yogi as incompetent (as he places his stethoscope on a flatlining patient's face), but the show shows that he's just as competent as Cindy Bear (the scene right after has him bring the flatlining patient back to life). Played straight with Boo-Boo, who while a decent nurse, is nowhere near ready to be a Doctor himself.
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Comically Inept Healing / int_d7aab7c1	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_d7aab7c1	comment	Sailor Moon R episode 78 is focused on this trope. Minako is the only Senshi that avoids the flu it seems, so she goes to the other girls to help them. The trope is most significant when she visits Rei. She feeds her rice porridge with way too much salt, then spilled it on her, blasted her with unintentionally loud music and finally blows the boom box trying to stop it. This earned her a loud Get Out!. But at the end, karma bites back. Minako does get sick and now has to endure Usagi's turn at this trope.
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Sailor Moon	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_d7aab7c1
Comically Inept Healing / int_d886aaea	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_d886aaea	comment	Surgeon Simulator 2013 is built on this trope. In this game you perform surgery with intentionally awkward and clumsy controls, lots of inappropriate tools and very vague instructions about what you are actually supposed to do. The win conditions are also rather lax: A heart transplant counts as successful the moment the new heart is placed somewhere in the chest cavity, even if the patient's other vital organs are laying on the ground and the patient is seconds before bleeding out. The end-of-level message is "Looks fine to me, I'm sure he'll live."
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Surgeon Simulator 2013 (Video Game)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_d886aaea
Comically Inept Healing / int_dcdb5ca9	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_dcdb5ca9	comment	Arcueid does this to herself in the Tsukihime manga. Since she didn't finish regenerating after Shiki cut her to pieces, she closed her wounds with packing tape and staples. Since her pain threshold is so high, she didn't even notice any real difference until Shiki cleaned her and patched her up with actual medical supplies.
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Tsukihime (Visual Novel)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_dcdb5ca9
Comically Inept Healing / int_e0cc2a40	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_e0cc2a40	comment	During an episode of Dragons: Riders of Berk, Gobber has to act as village healer while Gothi is away, only to end up setting a guy's leg on fire while trying to remove a dragon trap. And the 'remedy' he gave to another one to cure his reflux only causes him to regrow one hair, while giving him severe diarrhea. And the reflux is not even gone.
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Dragons: Riders of Berk	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_e0cc2a40
Comically Inept Healing / int_ec44d991	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_ec44d991	comment	Harry Harrison's Bill the Galactic Hero loses a couple of limbs in battle and the replacements aren't particularly satisfactory as they are scavenged pretty much at random from the voluminous piles of body parts left lying around. In particular, his left arm was shot off and they replaced it with a right arm.
Comically Inept Healing / int_ec44d991	featureApplicability	1.0
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Bill the Galactic Hero	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_ec44d991
Comically Inept Healing / int_f0c816fb	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_f0c816fb	comment	In Breaking Bad, one of the drug dealers demands (at gun point) Walter to do "breath into his mouth and stuff" to the guy said drug dealer just beat to death. Walter points out that the technique is outdated, and it doesn't work.
Comically Inept Healing / int_f0c816fb	featureApplicability	1.0
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Breaking Bad	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_f0c816fb
Comically Inept Healing / int_f269dd2f	type	Comically Inept Healing
Comically Inept Healing / int_f269dd2f	comment	In RimWorld, survivors have a Medic stat that determines how effective they are at treating one another's injuries. Poorly-treated wounds may produce permanent scars, impairing a character's abilities and making the affected body part more vulnerable to future damage. And the chance of a Critical Failure of healthcare exists, which usually results in overly large/mistaken amputations and cuts in the wrong limbs and places entirely.
Comically Inept Healing / int_f269dd2f	featureApplicability	1.0
Comically Inept Healing / int_f269dd2f	featureConfidence	1.0
RimWorld (Video Game)	hasFeature	Comically Inept Healing / int_f269dd2f

The following is a list of statements referring to the current page from other pages.

Comically Inept Healing	processingCategory2	Adverbly Adjective Noun
Comically Inept Healing	processingCategory2	Comedy Tropes
Comically Inept Healing	processingCategory2	Healing and Curing Tropes
Comically Inept Healing	processingCategory2	Medical Horror
Asterix (Comic Book) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
The Far Side (Comic Strip) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
All Guardsmen Party (Fanfic) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum (Fanfic) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Space to Breathe (Naruto) (Fanfic) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Fellini's Casanova / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Pope Joan / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Discworld / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Feet of Clay / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Gentleman Bastard / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Philogelos / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
The Curse of the Blue Figurine / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Cursed (2020) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Future Man / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Horrible Histories / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
The Beverly Hillbillies / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
The Interns / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Dark Heresy (Tabletop Game) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Assassin's Creed: Odyssey (Video Game) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
RimWorld (Video Game) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Surgeon Simulator 2013 (Video Game) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Two Point Hospital (Video Game) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Tsukihime (Visual Novel) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Meet the BLU Team (Web Animation) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
The Cyanide & Happiness Show (Web Animation) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
The Gentleman Pirate (Web Animation) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
The Grossery Gang (Web Animation) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
GrayStillPlays (Web Video) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Scootertrix the Abridged (Web Video) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Soviet Womble (Web Video) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Concerned (Webcomic) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Dragon Mango (Webcomic) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Everyone Is Home (Webcomic) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Ingrid the Plague Doctor (Webcomic) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Oglaf (Webcomic) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Rusty and Co. (Webcomic) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Unsounded (Webcomic) / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Jellystone! / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
Lilo & Stitch: The Series / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
OOglies / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing
South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut / int_e9d21924	type	Comically Inept Healing

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