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Cryptically Unhelpful Answer
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Whenever the heroes, and by extension the audience, have a question, it's generally good form for it to be answered at some point, lest the audience get pissed and demand their money back. These questions can vary in importance, but when it comes to the Cryptically Unhelpful Answer, they sometimes have one thing in common: The answers are cryptic. As well as unhelpful. Sometimes "answers" don't really answer your question. Sometimes they leave the heroes and the audience even more confused than they were before. It's intentional on the part of the author, but not intentional on the part of whoever's doing the answering. Contrast the Cryptic Conversation, where the Eccentric Mentor purposely makes the answer cryptic and unhelpful. Often overlaps with the Mathematician's Answer, where the answer is technically correct, but not helpful in the slightest. Compare Ice-Cream Koan. Compare with Non-Answer, and Voodoo Shark. |
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In David Edding's Belgariad and Malloreon these are abundant, leading to various characters (mostly Beldin and Belgarath) remarking how they hate riddles. When asked of one character why this is the only answer she gives, she tells them that it makes people think more about her words. Plus she knows it irritates people. | |
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In Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, while exploring the Forbidden Forest looking for whatever creature is killing the unicorns, Hagrid asks the centaurs if they have seen something. They just answer how planet Mars seems to be particularly bright that night, which of course doesn't help Hagrid one bit to solve the problem at hand. | |
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Dungeons & Dragons (1983): The Dungeon Master constantly provided support to his chosen heroes on how to survive the episode's central situation... in the form of riddles. It was not unusual for them to snark about it. | |
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In Peter Parker's Field Trip (Of course it's to Stark Industries), when Flash confronts him, wanting to know how Peter got an internship at Stark Tower when they don't even let high-schoolers apply, Peter is forced to give a vague answer about Tony happening upon a video of him, making sure to leave out all mention of Spider-Man. | |
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The Matrix and its sequels are notorious for this, especially during Neo's conversations with The Oracle. Although this is likely intentional, in order to give the viewer the choice between multiple interpretations. | |
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The Sphinx from Mystery Men gives these out if the form of a vague Ice-Cream Koan. Justified in that one of his powers is that he's terribly mysterious. | |
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From Yellow Submarine: | |
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In Cold Days, Harry asks the Fae Summer Mother if she's talking about him, prompting her to reply, "We are. And we are not." This only confuses him further. | |
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In Final Fantasy XIV, Shinto repeatedly tells Sekka that she lacks something fundamental to be a great swordsmith and that she'd be better off giving up and doing something else. But he refuses to tell her what exactly she is lacking no matter how much she pleads with him. This leaves her lost and confused enough to hop on a boat and sail around the world in hopes of discovering what Shinto means at the Blacksmiths' Guild. | |
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Messiah: Al-Masih's answers to most direct questions (like whether he's the messiah) really could be interpreted multiple ways, aside from when they're just evaded. | |
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Warden from The Bone Season is accomplished at these. When Paige asks him why pollen of the poppy anemone had such a horrible effect on the Rephaite Kraz Sargas, his reply is puzzling at best. | |
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In Star Trek: First Contact Data is introduced to the Borg Queen and he asks if she is the individual controlling all the Borg. Her answer- "I bring order to chaos"- doesn't entirely satisfy Data's curiosity, and he calls it "an interesting, if cryptic, response". | |
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Found in the epilogue of The Orphan's Tales. The Girl has wondered her entire lonely life about the mysterious woman who gave her a knife and told her to tell stories. When the Girl meets her again, she asks her why the woman left her alone for so long? The closest Aerie gets to answering is "The world is wide, and the raising of children is a delicate matter." Helpful stuff. | |
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The X-Files: This is the job of every one of Mulder's Mysterious Informants. Mulder would snap at them from time to time when their vagueness would get unbearable. | |
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Dungeons & Dragons The spell Augury tells the user whether committing some act would be a good idea or not. The Dungeon Master is advised to only give a vague and general answer to the caster's question. The spell Legend Lore provides information about a specified person, place or thing, but the data must be in some cryptic form (an anagram, cipher, code, rhyme, riddle, etc.). |
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Lampshaded by Daniel Jackson in Stargate SG-1, when conversing with Oma Desala, who generally speaks in koans: In at least one case there's a good reason for it: "Oma" is actually Repli-Carter trying to pick Daniel's brain. She doesn't understand any of the stuff herself, and she's really looking for Daniel to provide her an explanation. |
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Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Worf refuses to explain why 23rd-century Klingons don't look like their 24th-century counterparts, saying only, "We do not discuss it with outsiders!" It wasn't until Season 2 of Enterprise that we got a canon explanation (which happened to be a combination of all the WMG the characters engaged in during this exact scene). | |
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H₂O: Just Add Water: Ms. Chatham is fond of these kind of answers, usually showing up out of nowhere, giving the girls warnings that would be helpful if she was straightforward about her knowledge of mermaids, and disappearing just as suddenly. When the main characters finally know that she is/was a mermaid herself, Lewis sardonically asks if her next piece of advice is to mild-meld with jellyfish. | |
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The Reapers of Mass Effect are notoriously cryptic and uninformative of their true purpose, right up until the very end when you meet the Catalyst. If you press Sovereign, the only Reaper you encounter in the first game, all it does is boast that “We impose order on chaos� and that “It is not something you can comprehend.� Harbinger in the second game, only taunts you during the main game, and during the Arrival DLC only waxes about “inevitability�. The Reaper you encounter on Rannoch in the third game, only states that “We are your salvation�. If pressed further, all it states is that “It is not something you can comprehend.� | |
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A common theme in Gunnerkrigg Court anytime someone asks Coyote a question. He is, afterall, a Trickster God. Even lampshaded here. | |
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The Lord of the Rings: Both Lampshaded and Justified: Frodo frustratedly Lampshades this when asking advice from an elf named Gildor, who merely responds that Frodo can choose one of two options (of which Frodo was already well aware). "It is also said: go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both no and yes." Gildor finds this amusing, but clarifies that he isn't really sure what Frodo should do either, and doesn't want to give advice that might possibly lead to a poor decision. | |
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The Mystery Man from Lost Highway gives several examples of this trope. He IS the Mystery Man, after all. | |
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Dragon Ball Super: Whenever Goku Black and Future Zamasu are asked about the kind of universe they envision which requires the utter extinction of all mortal life, they simply reply that it is not something a mortal could comprehend, their word choice only cementing their God Complex. | |
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In Koan of the Day, the guru makes a habit of this. | |
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Happens in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End when Jack is studying Sao Feng's navigational charts. Even lampshaded. | |
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My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic: Zecora's insistence on rhyming when she speaks means that her speech is usually very convoluted and hard to understand. In her introductory episode, she tells the protagonists "Beware, beware, you pony folk; those leaves of blue are not a joke!" Somewhat more helpful would have been if she'd said "Don't go near the blue flowers, they're dangerous." But then we couldn't have had a full episode ending with learning not to judge by appearances. | |
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Child of the Storm has Doctor Strange make a hobby out of answers like this - mostly for his own amusement. | |
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In the anime of Ouran Highschool Host Club: Haruhi's confusion as to where a grand piano seemingly appeared out of nowhere is brushed aside like this. | |
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Between Minds has the Half-Life vortigaunts and Portal's oracle turret exactly as enigmatic as they were in the games. | |
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One episode of Star Trek: Voyager has a visiting investigator using an unfamiliar device to help the crew discover the identity of an alien that seriously injured Tuvok. The investigator is more than a little excited when his scanner indicates something of significance. | |
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Ambassador Kosh of Babylon 5 has dialogue consisting of almost nothing but this trope. It's even lampshaded in the series. He's far from the only one, although the ambassadors usually only resort to this when they need to rather than as a habit. |
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In Star Trek: The Next Generation, Q does these excessively in order to troll Picard. A particularly shameless example was in the series finale, when he agreed to help Picard find a way out of his predicament by unhelpfully answering a series of yes or no questions. Turned around slightly in that, this being a battle of wits, Picard does manage to ask a few unexpected ones and glean some useful facts out of it. | |
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