...it's like TV Tropes, but LINKED DATA!
Don't You Dare Pity Me!
- 355 statements
- 66 feature instances
- 483 referencing feature instances
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| Don't You Dare Pity Me! | comment |
An injured or suffering character is approached by another, eager to help, but the injured party is offended. This reaction of humiliation and resentment may be spoken, acted upon, or merely felt, but it is some variation on "I don't want your pity," or "Don't you dare pity me". This may be used as actual Stock Phrases, but the reaction does not have to be verbalized. The more serious the problem, the more likely this is to cause conflict. Temporary situations can invoke it for a time, as when Manly Tears or worse Sand In My Eyes causes another to try to comfort the weeping character. This is most likely to come from a character who does not deal well with sympathy, even in the best of times. The Broken Bird, Troubled, but Cute, The Tsundere, the Jerk with a Heart of Gold, and the Ice Queen are particularly likely to react this way. Indeed, it may develop that their touchy character stems from this and can be resolved if it is. Someone wearing a Tough Leader Façade doubly so, since anything for which they can be pitied is a weakness and danger. The Stoic Woobie is often this trope embodied. Getting them to fess up about it, much less confront it, can be a difficult prospect. There is a range of possible interactions: At one extreme, an injured character tries to avoid insensitive or demonstrative "sympathy" that rubs salt in the wound. They might accuse others of having Come to Gawk. They might fear that any response to their problem will break them down when they cannot afford to break down. The pity may be effusive for a trivial problem, or something that the character does not consider as such. In other examples, the character cannot tell their remorse is sincere; the Handicapped Badass is managing just fine, thank you. At the other extreme, the sufferer rejects sorely needed and selflessly offered help and suffers all the more for it. They might inflict suffering on others in the process. Genuine pity is often portrayed as an affront to the dignity of the pitied, as the pity-er is at least implicitly signaling their advantage over and superiority to the pitied, though there is also the popular Aesop that too much Pride is foolish and shallow. The injured character may hide from others to preempt pity. For any such character, mentioning his problem may hit a Berserk Button. The character can wallow in self-pity, but that is different. The effect is more dramatic if the characters knew each other before the injury or if the problem is invisible. The pitying character may change after The Reveal. If the other person is in any way responsible for the injury, things can get very ugly indeed. A hero sympathising with a villain's backstory may also incite this response, but be careful, this trope can be done badly. A character frequently angrily rejecting any form of comfort may come across as an Ungrateful Bastard or Unintentionally Unsympathetic when that may not even be the case. Alternatively, this can be presented as a genuine character flaw. Compare Think Nothing of It, for when a character wants to avoid praise for admirable behavior, Leave Me Alone!, a common phrase also said by characters of this type, and Past Experience Nightmare, where the character tries to hide his pain but it still comes out in his unguarded moments. Also compare Declaration of Personal Independence. |
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| Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_11788bea | type |
Don't You Dare Pity Me! | |
| Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_11788bea | comment |
His beatdown from Kevin Nash yields the same response. Hunter is being helped to the back but rasps for them to get off & pushes everyone away. The EMT] & doctor tell Hunter to let them help, but he insists he's okay. Like in the previous example, he collapses after a few steps & is told again to let them help him. | |
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| Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_13668e6e | type |
Don't You Dare Pity Me! | |
| Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_13668e6e | comment |
Twig has Sylvester, who doesn't know how to deal with genuine human compassion directed his way as he reads it as pity, which makes him dislike the person in question because he hates the idea that they understand his situation as a Child Soldier Human Weapon for an Academy of Evil. | |
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| Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_1cf9029e | type |
Don't You Dare Pity Me! | |
| Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_1cf9029e | comment |
DEATH BATTLE!: In DEATH BATTLE! S07E04 - Genos VS War Machine, after destroying his entire body in an attempt at Taking You with Me, Genos' disembodied head rejects Rhodey's apology, coldly saying, "Don't talk to me..." Rhodey obliges by subjecting the cyborg to a Finishing Stomp. | |
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Don't You Dare Pity Me! | |
| Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_1f7a7d89 | comment |
Lockout. After Snow's friend Mace dies, Emilie tries to console him and he roughly rebuffs her. | |
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| Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_23b84765 | type |
Don't You Dare Pity Me! | |
| Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_23b84765 | comment |
In The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Gandalf offers forgiveness to Saruman, after Isengard is destroyed. His response? | |
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Don't You Dare Pity Me! | |
| Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_298c221d | comment |
Friends with Benefits: Dylan explains after she learns that he hadn't told Jamie his father has Alzheimer's because he doesn't like the pitying looks which people give to him over it. As she then does. | |
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| Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_2c6d1f5 | type |
Don't You Dare Pity Me! | |
| Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_2c6d1f5 | comment |
Subverted in Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior: Max is clearly suffering from a traumatic loss, and could probably do with a little pity and understanding. Papagallo deliberately tries to re-open his old wounds. | |
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Don't You Dare Pity Me! | |
| Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_305d1c25 | comment |
In Cucumber Quest, Peridot denies that she's taking the MacGuffin because she needs Almond's pity or something. | |
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| Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_315a4cc4 | comment |
In one episode of Just a Minute, the panelists started challenging new player Linda Smith and, when asked what the challenge was, saying "I just think she should get another bonus point" (which you get if you're incorrectly challenged). Linda's reaction? "Can I just say I don't find this patronising at all?" | |
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In Grease, when the other kids find out Rizzo is pregnant and offer to help her out, she reacts like this. | |
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Hamlet: | |
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Don't You Dare Pity Me! | |
| Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_35e05f2a | comment |
RWBY: Jaune Arc, which is a major plot point for him. As the only son in a family of daughters, he wants to be like his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather and become a Huntsman. However, he's uncoordinated, clumsy, weak, gets motion sickness, has absolutely no idea how his Aura works, and, worst of all, he lied on his entrance papers to get into Beacon. When Pyrrha tries to help him, he snaps at her for doing so. However, after being blackmailed by Cardin after he overheard everything, he finally grows a bit of a backbone, swallows his pride, and asks Pyrrha for help. In Volume 6, Blake promises to protect Yang from Adam. Yang is offended; she doesn't explicitly say why, but since she's a badass Action Girl with abandonment issues, it seems like she doesn't like the implication that Blake is just there out of guilt. Later, Blake amends her declaration by saying they're protecting each other, and Yang is clearly moved. |
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Inverted in Amon Amarth's The Hero. A dying mercenary rejects the sympathy of those tending for him because he feels that he does not deserve it. | |
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Don't You Dare Pity Me! | |
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In When Harry Met Sally..., Sally's reaction to Harry's explanation for why he had sex with her is...less than favorable. | |
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Don't You Dare Pity Me! | |
| Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_3f31fd13 | comment |
Vampire Girl: Mildly subverted with Levana towards the beginning of the comic, as she believes no one can help her curb her thirst for blood, let alone no one would help a vampire in general. | |
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A Cracked article called 5 Insane Things I Learned as a Foreign Aid Worker mentions that the citizens of the developing world dislike being pitted and will react negatively towards dramatics (such as crying when you just met). It later goes on to justify this reaction to pity by talking about the whole "heroic savior" mentality actually causes even more problems. | |
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Dreamscape: Being belittled or underestimated is one of the few things that gets under Keela's skin. | |
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Don't You Dare Pity Me! | |
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In The Antithesis, Qaira Eltruan is a cold and callous militant leader on the outside but suffers from self-hatred and guilt on the inside. Leid Koseling attempts to help him through his internal struggles along with the malay addiction (a type of drug similar to heroin) he suffers at the beginning of Decus, but he is at first very reluctant to accept her help. In fact, he feels threatened and insulted by Leid's attempts to aid him and often becomes angry over the fact. | |
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Don't You Dare Pity Me! | |
| Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_4fa42c02 | comment |
Analyst Bronies React: Keframe had a Twilight plushie complain about how she was so bored and had nothing to do. When Thespio tried to comfort the plushie, she shouted that she didn't need his pity. | |
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Don't You Dare Pity Me! | |
| Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_4fc1c922 | comment |
In Wicked, Nessarose asks Boq if he took her to the dance only because he feels sorry for her: "It's because I'm in this chair, and you felt sorry for me...." It's not the actual reason — Glinda asked him to do this, and she specifically cited the chair as the reason she'd find it attractive, so, close enough. | |
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In the Name of the Father: Giuseppe rebuffs Joe's condolences over him and Gerry doing time for his crimes. It's not so much because he hates pity necessarily, but that it comes from an IRA member who has murdered numerous people. He says to save his pity for the people he's killed. | |
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Schlock Mercenary, Lt. Der Trihs, after being reduced yet again to a head in a jar, says "I don't want pity. I wants arms and legs." | |
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Winged elves in Dungeons & Dragons are a rarely-seen subrace of elves with large, beautiful eagle's wings. They take great pride in their wings, and a winged elf who loses his or her wings in a battle or accident is pitied by the other members of the community. However, elves do not accept pity from anyone, so such an elf usually leaves his community and becomes a loner. | |
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In Errant Story, Sarine throws this in Jon's face when he tries to comfort her. A few pages later... | |
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DMFA: In Abel's Backstory, Abel learns that another character's mother and father left him/died. Abel begins to say something along the lines of 'Sorry, I didn't know.' when he is cut off by the other person who complains that he wasted enough time pitying himself and wanted no more. Comic #2060: Regina Darkblood has a sudden mood swing in the middle of geeking out over the fabrics in a Being-run dress shop, lamenting that none of that matters to "real" demons, then beating herself up for "crying like a deadweight baby. "When her uncle Aleph (Dark Pegasus) tries to calm her down, she cuts him off: |
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In the Act One Finale of La Cage aux folles, Albin the drag queen sings "I Am What I Am", defending his way of life. It includes the lines: | |
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In Precocious, Autumn violently rebuffs Max when he attempts to turn his extravagant birthday party into an actual pity party for her. | |
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Kung Fu Panda: Shifu apologizes to Tai Lung for having failed him as his father, which actually stuns him for a second. But the moment passes, and he angrily rejects it. | |
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In Disney's less-popular 1992 musical Newsies, Crutchy states, "I don't want nobody carryin' me. Never, ya hear?" when Jack and David go to break him out of the Refuge. | |
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''Broker': So-yeong gets mad when detective Lee asks if she was forced into prostitution, and angrily asks detective Lee if Lee is pitying her. | |
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I and You: Caroline hates how gently people treat her due to her probably-terminal illness, saying that it's fake kindness rather than people actually getting to know her and really care about her. At several points in the play, she orders Anthony to leave when she thinks he's being nice to her out of pity. | |
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Don't You Dare Pity Me! | |
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A fairly mild example shows up in Girl Genius when Colette rejects Violetta's sympathy for having a difficult family, because Violetta's family is much worse. | |
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Don't You Dare Pity Me! | |
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The blind woman and the serial killer in Red Dragon: | |
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Don't You Dare Pity Me! | |
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In Sabrina Online, Sabrina learns a bit about her boss, Zig Zag, and her Dark and Troubled Past (molested as a child by her father, among other things). When Sabrina tries (awkwardly) to offer sympathy, Zig Zag launches into a tirade about how that kind of pity is exactly why she doesn't tell anyone about her past: She is who she is, refuses to use any Freudian Excuses, and hates it when someone tries to on her behalf. | |
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Don't You Dare Pity Me! | |
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When Brock Lesnar almost re-breaks his arm at Summerslam, the refs & EMTs come to help him get up, but he shoves them away & leaves the arena on his own. | |
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Don't You Dare Pity Me! | |
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In Waterloo Bridge, Myra freaks out when Roy tries to offer her money for her back rent. | |
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Don't You Dare Pity Me! | |
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In The Crossing Guard, Jack Nicholson's character falls into a spiral of despair and anger after his daughter gets killed by a drunk driver while crossing the street. He delivers this to his wife when she expresses her pity for him. | |
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Lamar of We Are The Wyre Cats particularly hates being pitied for his disabilities. | |
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The Nostalgia Chick has a big breakdown in Spooning With Spoony after being raped by the titular character. The next episode later, she's dragging Nella everywhere to dance and shooting laser beams at her with delight. Two years later, she flinches and tries to hide her face when she's near Spoony and it's obvious she's nowhere near over the rape. | |
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From The Producers: | |
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Don't You Dare Pity Me! | |
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City and Colour's "The Grand Optimist" exhibits a mild form of this: | |
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In the Heat of the Night: | |
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In Lavender Jack, Jack eventually realizes that the Black Note had no intention of surviving his own plan. Although Jack feels sorry for him upon learning this, it just makes the Note angrier. | |
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In Pv P, Reggie combines this with N-Word Privilegesnote Incidentally, he actually is black and Insistent Terminology, when he complains about people using euphemisms for disabilities. | |
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Richard Turner, regarded as being one of the greatest card mechanics ever to have lived, refuses to let other people pity him or go easy on him due to his blindness. When his karate instructor offered to award him an honorary black belt, he refused and insisted he be tested just like any student, resulting in his going ten rounds of full-force brawling with a fresh opponent each round (and getting his arm broken in the process). | |
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Don't You Dare Pity Me! | |
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In Bugged Run, Chrys angrily rejects Ariel's offer of a better Pokémon after being defeated by her in a battle, flashing back to other times throughout their lives that Ariel has taken pity on her. | |
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In Midnight Cowboy, where Dustin Hoffman's character refuses all attempts to help him over the course of the movie. Moral? He dies on the bus to Florida. | |
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Freddie Mercury kept his HIV/AIDS diagnosis secret throughout the late '80s until shortly before he passed away in 1991 partly because he was afraid people would buy Queen albums only out of sympathy. (The other reason was that he was an intensely private man and felt that it was none of the public's business.) This still hasn't stopped people from criticizing him for hiding it until the end. | |
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In The Prince of Egypt, after Ramses' son dies along with the other firstborns in the last plague, Moses tries to comfort the grieving Ramses. Ramses swats his hand away demanding that Moses leave. | |
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In Pacificators, it's strongly implied that Muneca Powell cannot handle people pitying her, as seen in when she screamed at Daryl to Get Out! after accidentally discovering her secret. Afterwards, she begged Daryl not to tell anybody. | |
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In Chocolat (2000), Armande (Judi Dench) turns out to be hiding the fact that she's diabetic from Vianne, the chocolate shop owner. After Armande's daughter reveals this, chews Vianne out for giving her sweets, and leaves in a huff, Vianne asks the old woman why she did not let her know. But Armande won't let anyone boss her around about how she lives her life, and as she leaves, says "Don't you dare pity me!" She dies the night after a sweets-filled birthday party Vianne caters for her, but this is seen by the film as preferable to living out her life in a nursing home. | |
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Fatal Attraction Alex snaps this at Dan when he tries to give her the brush-off. | |
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Don't You Dare Pity Me! | |
| Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_cce5a834 | comment |
Explicitly spelled out in the final battle between Liu Kang and Shang Tsung in Mortal Kombat: The Movie: | |
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| Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_d0beafcf | comment |
In Pride & Prejudice (2005), Charlotte Lucas announces she is marrying Mr. Collins (after Lizzie turned him down) and reacts this way when Elizabeth pities her: | |
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| Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_d43be22a | comment |
Michael Myers from the Halloween series is perfectly willing to kill people for no real reason. However, Michael really goes out of his way to kill people who dare to pity him as brutally as possible. | |
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Sherwood Forest: Will tries to comfort Shaima when they first meet, and she tells him "I don't want your pity." It's worth noting that not only is she in a really bad mental place, having just been kidnapped and dragged across the globe, but the guy who did this was also Will's foster father. No matter what he said, she wasn't going to respond well. | |
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In Tales of MU, Sooni's slave-cum-friend Kai endures extreme abuse from Sooni, including frequent beatings (once nearly to the point of death) and being forced to dress up in ridiculous cosplay. Whenever any of the main characters try to show any sympathy for her, she reacts with rage. It's later revealed in a bonus story that Kai comes from an extremely impoverished background and always dreamed of getting an education, and although Sooni as good as kidnapped her (with an implied reward to her family) Kai is willing to accept anything as long as it means she can continue going to university. | |
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| Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_e081af79 | comment |
Near the end of Galatea's origin story in The Inexplicable Adventures of Bob!, this is her reaction when Bob finds her shivering alone in the rain in an alley. | |
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Ric Flair went into WWE's Wrestlemania XXIV about 10 years past his prime, rapidly decaying in the ring and laboring under a decree from Vince McMahon that meant that the next match he lost would be his last. Knowing this, he challenged "Mr. Wrestlemania" Shawn Michaels to a match at the show. And when Michaels showed pity for his opponent in a promo a couple of weeks before the show and hinted that he might not bring his A-game, Flair called him out on it, demanding that Shawn give him everything he has, because, win or lose, he wanted to come out of the show with his honor and integrity intact. This carried over into the match; Flair was obviously unable to put up an actual fight, but he refused to simply lay down and be beaten. Shawn felt he didn't want to retire Flair (apparently legitimate) as Flair stood there, wobbling, fists barely up and yelling at him to "pull the trigger". Shawn's response? "I'm sorry. I love you." Superkick. The whole situation was then given an Ironic Echo treatment two years later, when Shawn was trying to end The Undertaker's undefeated-at-Wrestlemania streak because, as he said, "If I can't do this, I don't have a career anymore." At one point, Shawn was pulling himself up to his knees, using Taker as the ladder, and you could hear him yell "Stay! Down!" Shawn played this trope to the hilt by mocking Taker with his own signature throat-slit taunt and then slapping him in the face. The match ended very quickly after that. |
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Zia from Dawn of a New Age: Oldport Blues rejects pity for a variety of reasons: she doesn't feel that it's genuine, talking about her feelings makes her uncomfortable, and she thinks that she can handle her own problems by herself. | |
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In Interstitial: Actual Play. When Scott tries to defend Edith against Doctor K sniping at her for wanting to leave to other worlds, Edith snaps at Scott, claiming she can handle things herself. | |
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| Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_f399b68e | comment |
In Not a Villain, Danni behaves like this towards Kleya on several occasions when Kleya tries to help her out: after she loses during the Death Match tournament, and when after she's booed by the crowd on her way to enter the Game. | |
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In Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry uses Snape's Legilimency charm against him, revealing that in his childhood, James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew caught him off guard and put him through a Humiliation Conga while Remus Lupin looked on and did nothing. As soon as Harry leaves Snape's mind, the scowl on his face says it all. | |
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In the final song of The Phantom of the Opera the Phantom sings his tragic backstory to Christine, but after that short moment of vulnerability, he gets angry again. | |
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Triple H seemed to have this attitude a few times after crushing defeats. When Brock Lesnar almost re-breaks his arm at Summerslam, the refs & EMTs come to help him get up, but he shoves them away & leaves the arena on his own. After a brutal beatdown by Umaga, he has to be helped from the ring but shoves everyone away after getting his feet to the grown. Unlike Summerslam, he's legitimately injured and has no choice but to accept the help when he collapses after a few steps. His beatdown from Kevin Nash yields the same response. Hunter is being helped to the back but rasps for them to get off & pushes everyone away. The EMT] & doctor tell Hunter to let them help, but he insists he's okay. Like in the previous example, he collapses after a few steps & is told again to let them help him. |
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Listen to Me: Donna doesn't like to be pitied because of her having a disability, treated differently, or called "handicapped" etc. On the other hand, she doesn't like people ignoring the limits it places on her (like being unable to dance) though she's intent on overcoming these eventually. | |
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1.0 | |
| Listen to Me | hasFeature |
Don't You Dare Pity Me! / int_fe66f6d4 |
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