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I Don't Pay You to Think
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A Stock Phrase that indicates that an employee wasn't hired for their brains; they were put on the team to follow the leader's orders without a debate. Sometimes, it's important to think on your feet or challenge instructions. A mind is a terrible thing to waste and a little brains can take you a long way. But people in authority sometimes fear those with a brain in their head. After all, someone who thinks is someone who may start to question authority, their authority. The basic idea is that someone in a lowly position gets a bright idea, but is told that either they're not paid to think, or that it's not their job to think, or some other form of that. Might be a low-level employee in a company, or it could be a minion or mook to the Big Bad. To some degree, Truth in Television; many large organizations, such as the military and police depend on everyone sticking to the same plan, adhering to protocol, and and following orders. It isn't rarely feasible to convince or fully explain it to each and every person involved, so acting on individual decision-making instead of instructions can undermine your organization's larger goals. A soldier who questioned procedures and plans too much and doesn't obey orders is considered a liability. It's worth pointing out that despite the listed benefits of groups following the same plan, a good critique or idea shouldn't just be thrown away carelessly.note After all, much like parents and teachers, senior officials are not always right. In the end, however, bosses who hold to this philosophy only have themselves to blame when they find themselves Surrounded by Idiots. If this is common in your work place, it's one of the sure signs your boss is unfit for the job. Those who adhere to this are Mean, Bad, and/or a Pointy-Haired Boss, The Neidermeyer, and Control Freak (especially them). A Benevolent Boss and A Father to His Men on the other hand will not only defy this, but will encourage their subordinates to speak their mind as they see it as a sign of healthy relationship. If the boss or Big Bad is seriously annoyed by this thinking behavior, he may demote said employee/minion to an even lowlier position, fire them (sometimes literally), or tell them You, Get Me Coffee. May occasionally be responded with "You don't pay me at all" by those who work for free. Note that actual payment, or non-payment as the case may be, need not necessarily be involved - "I don't pay you to think" is in many cases just as much an attitude as it is a phrase actually spoken out loud. Can overlap with I Warned You if the villain disregards something their henchman was trying to tell them, and it ends up being fatal. If your role is a Yes-Man, then you can simply assume that this is true and shouldn't need to have it said to you. A subtrope of Blind Obedience. See also, Don't Think, Feel. Contrast Screw the Rules, I'm Doing What's Right!, which too much of this trope can ultimately lead to, as well as Mistreatment-Induced Betrayal. |
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In If, the boarding school "whips" in the Absurdly Powerful Student Council are waited on hand and foot by younger pupils, who are certainly not expected to think for themselves. | |
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In Invisible Man, While Brother Jack is lecturing the Narrator for organizing Tod Clifton’s funeral, he tells him that he was “not hired to think.� | |
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The Thing (2011). Kate objects to taking a tissue sample from the ice-bound alien. Her boss reprimands her for questioning his authority in front of the others. "You're not here to think. You're here to get that thing out of the ice." | |
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This is the attitude of many of the vermin commanders in the Redwall series of books. This actually gets one of the villain underlings killed in Mossflower. Sent out to trail Tsarmina, he comes back to one of her commanders and says that he thought he'd better come back and report. At first, he is praised, but then another commander asks "Who told you that you had permission to think?" and tells him go to right back out and find Tsarmina. He does so, and ends up getting killed by Tsarmina, who in a haze of crazed revenge believes him to be her traitor brother Gingivere. |
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In the Speedy Gonzales cartoon "Mexicali Shmoes," Jose the fat cat explains how to catch Speedy to his skinny cat friend Manuel. | |
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The World Is Not Enough: | |
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Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People: This happens in the fifth episode, known as "8-Bit is Enough". Strong Bad calls Videlectrix to help him fix his Trogdor arcade cabinet, which has come to life and is rampaging about and attacking people. Unfortunately, he is confronted with an automated voice mail system that asks him to say options "1" through "3". He chooses "4", which throws the people at Videlectrix for a loop, resulting in this phrase being mentioned, accidentally revealing that the voice mail system was a fake to screw with Strong Bad. | |
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Double subverted with Ms. Walsh in Double Homework. The teacher of the summer school class wants to teach special ed classes instead, and keeps badgering Dr. Mosely and petitioning the school board in order to make this happen. And each time, Dr. Mosely insists that Ms. Walsh use the skills she has in order to actually teach the class she’s been assigned. However, it turns out that Ms. Walsh was hired to teach this class precisely for her incompetence, because a credible adult authority figure would derail the experiment on the class. | |
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Dilbert: Wally's general attitude is the inversion: you don't pay me enough to think. | |
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Total Recall (1990) (1990). Cohaagen is berating his subordinate Richter. Cohaagen plans to use Quaid to infiltrate La Résistance on Mars, but Ritchter and his men haven't been told to prevent the plan being found out by the Resistance psychics. | |
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In "12:00 P.M. - 1:00 P.M." from the premiere season of 24, Kevin Carroll tries to explain to Ira Gaines about Jack Bauer having got the jump on him. | |
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Discworld Dr. Cruces gets Lord Downey both coming and going in Men at Arms. In Unseen Academicals, Smeems tells Mr Nutt he's not paid to think. Nutt responds with a bland "Shall endevour not to do so, sir", but when Smeems asks him to work out how to get him down from the Emperor Candle, Nutt can't resist replying "I thought I wasn't paid to think, sir." In one of The Science of Discworld books, Ridcully asks Ponder if he's being paid to think. Ponder calmly replies that yes, he is. |
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The Transformers has an instance of this in "Five Faces of Darkness, Part 3". | |
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Kitboga is a scambaiter popular on Twitch and YouTube. His most successful bait is one which he wasted the time of a total of four scammers for 36 hours, but mostly the same two scammers, Adam and Alex. At one point early on when he is pretending to redeem gift cards, Adam shouts at him "Why are you using your mind?!" | |
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In "A Sunny Day in the Void" on Star Wars: The Clone Wars, after one of the droids says that he's been thinking, Colonel Gascon declares that it's his job to think, not the droid's. | |
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Subverted in a strip of The Order of the Stick, when Belkar says this to Vaarsuvius, the party's wizard. V retorts by angrily saying s/he's not paid to do anything but think. | |
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From Not Always Right: "When Crazy Requests Reach The Stratosphere" - "You’re not paid to think, so just put a new satellite up." "But ma'am, that would take several months and millions of dollars!" "You and I both know that's not true; I expect it up by tonight, and it better not affect my bill." | |
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Weird Al's UHF has R. J. Fletcher, the Corrupt Corporate Executive who is so evil he does this to his own son. | |
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Ratchet & Clank (2002): Supreme Executive Chairman Drek gets the gist of the phrase across when berating Captain Qwark for failing to dispose of the titular duo at the end of the first act. | |
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This is Barb's response to Riff saying that he thinks he heard the Yodeler Trolls were lost in an avalanche in Trolls World Tour. He replies that he's working for college credit. | |
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Schlock Mercenary Villain of the Week Professor Pau delivers an interesting variation: "I don't pay you to think. I pay Max to think. Now don't touch anything while I talk to Max." At one point, Tagon tries this line on Ennesby, a small floating Artificial Intelligence who serves as his adjutant. Ennesby immediately shoots back that, by definition, his job as an adjutant is to think, "and when you get right down to it, I'm better at it than you are". Technically he doesn't get paid either. Inverted in this strip, where commander Andreyasn reacts to a thought from Lt. Ventura: |
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The Barrier: When Fernando wants to bring his superior Enrique's attention to an alleged robbery murder with suspicious details, Enrique tells Fernando that he's not paid to investigate on his own, or even think on his own. | |
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The villain of Kiss of the Dragon executes one of his own men for this reason. | |
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In Unseen Academicals, Smeems tells Mr Nutt he's not paid to think. Nutt responds with a bland "Shall endevour not to do so, sir", but when Smeems asks him to work out how to get him down from the Emperor Candle, Nutt can't resist replying "I thought I wasn't paid to think, sir." | |
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In The Red Pyramid, the chaos god Set does this when the demon Face of Horror raises an objection after Set gets upset with him for apparently moving too slowly in gathering other demons to do his bidding. | |
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Quick Draw McGraw would invariably say, "Hoold on there, Baba Louie! I'll do all the thin'ing around here, and dooon't you forget it!" to his sidekick Baba Looey whenever the latter offers up a suggestion on how to approach a problem. Just as invariably, Quick Draw ignores Baba's advice to his detriment. | |
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[PROTOTYPE]: Said word for word by General Randall. Hilariously, he says it to a scientist. Then Alex Mercer says this to himself when a scientists questions how he feels about making a deadly virus 10 times more deadly. Pretty much to show how much of an emotionless jerk he is. | |
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The Golden Hamster Saga: In Freddy in Peril, Professor Fleischkopf's dimwitted henchman Brewster asks, "Have we really broken into this joint to snitch a hamster?" Fleischkopf replies, "Once and for all, Brewster: I'm paying you to obey orders, not to ask questions." | |
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In God of War Ragnarök this basically sums up Odin and Thor's relationship; Odin treats his son like a mindless attack dog. In the climax of the game, when Thor finally stands up for himself, Odin tells him off, calling him broken and saying that he exists to serve his father. Thor manages one more defiant sentence before Odin fatally stabs him through the chest. | |
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From "LGB Tease," on The L Word: | |
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In the original 101 Dalmatians, Horace comments "I've been thinking," and Jasper grabs him by the shirt and tells him that he's warned him about thinking. "I've got the knob for this job, so let's get on with it." They do this again later as they hunt the fleeing Dalmatians. They follow their tracks in the snow to a bridge over a frozen creek, only to become confused when the pawprints mysteriously stop. Unbeknownst to them, the Dalmatians are hiding from them under the bridge. |
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Things to Come actually has this line used in a Rousing Speech given by The Chief, a local tinpot dictator, to the men who've tried to provide him with an air force (a few decrepit biplanes) capable of taking on John Cabal's huge flying wings. | |
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One standalone strip in Fluble rides this for all its worth, with Clown's boss saying no less than three variations of it: | |
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In Snatch., Brick Top doesn't like his Dragon Errol to do any thinking. | |
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I Don't Pay You to Think | |
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Dr. Cruces gets Lord Downey both coming and going in Men at Arms. | |
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This is inverted on Newsradio in a episode. Dave brings a problem to Jimmy and Jimmy points out Dave was hired to worry about these problems so Jimmy doesn't have to deal with them. (It eventually turns out Jimmy is both the primary cause of the problem and the only one with authority to fix it... which he may or may not have known from the start.) | |
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The first episode of Jonathan Creek has a variant with a security man at Adam Klaus' magic show deserting his post for a toilet break. | |
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A slightly different version of this trope in The Adventures of Tintin. | |
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MS Paint Masterpieces: Dr. Wily believes that robots should only follow orders, and blames one of Enker's failures on the fact that he THOUGHT when Wily is the one who does the thinking "around here" regardless of Quintet pointing out the flaw in his logic. | |
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In "Smart the Assassin" from Get Smart, Devonshire tells someone "KAOS doesn't pay you to think, you men were sent here to obey." | |
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Agent Smecker gets a few of these in The Boondock Saints, including one along the lines of, "Greenly, the day I want the Boston Police to do my thinking for me, I will have a fucking tag on my toe!" Though in Smecker's case, it's more of looking down on their investigative capacity than "hiring them for their brains." | |
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Starsky & Hutch: When a henchman in "Targets Without a Badge" reports that one of his coworkers thinks surveilling Starsky and Hutch is a poor use of their resources, his boss says, "Soldier isn't paid to think." | |
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In TRON, Sark tells an underling, "Don't think anymore. I do the thinking around here." | |
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Invader Zim to his computer: "I don't pay you to contradict me!" Computer: "You don't pay me at all..." |
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Vizzini to Fezzik in The Princess Bride: "Am I going mad, or did the word 'think' just escape your lips? You were not hired for your brains, you hippapotamic land mass!" | |
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Rocky has an example of this when Rocky only collects 130 dollars from someone who owed his boss 200: | |
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Similarly in Friday by Robert A. Heinlein. The Chief of the California Confederacy tells one of his minions that HE does the thinking, then moments later chews the minion out for not getting Friday a chair, saying: "Do I have to think of everything myself?" | |
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Used as a reprimand not of the minion, but of the boss in War of the Worlds (1988). The Martian mooks have contacted their ruling trio for instructions. | |
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Occurs on Doctor Who many times. One of the earliest is in "Day of the Daleks," where the malevolent pepperpots tell the Controller that "the function of the human is to obey." Prof. Kerensky espouses the inverse of the trope in "City of Death:" Mr. Diagoras says this to the construction workers in "Daleks in Manhattan." |
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In Cat in a Yellow Jumpsuit, from the Midnight Louie mysteries about crime-solving cats, when one of the cats in the gang of Midnight Louie's mother, Ma Barker, tells her that he doesn't think she should go off on a particular assignment requested of her by Louie, she snaps that "You are eye candy. It is not your job to think." | |
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In Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, Whit says "I think she's telling the truth" to which Walker replies "Really? Well, I don't pay you to think, do I? I pay you to lie, cheat, and steal." | |
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In Swimming with Sharks, Buddy Ackerman has a lot of this, at any of his employees. | |
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Ghostbusters (1984): Walter Peck arrives at the team's HQ to shut down their ghost containment unit with a police officer and an electrical-worker. While Peter protests, the electrical-worker takes a look at the equipment and determines that it really isn't a good idea to mess with it. Peck says tells the electrical-worker. "I'm not interested in your opinion; just shut it off!" | |
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Subverted in Race to the Sun, where Big Bad Mr Charles says to his bodyguard Ms Bird "I don't pay you to think", followed after a moment with "I pay you to know". | |
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In one of The Science of Discworld books, Ridcully asks Ponder if he's being paid to think. Ponder calmly replies that yes, he is. | |
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Inverted in an episode of the English dub of Yu-Gi-Oh! 5Ds, when Divine tells his Captain Obvious lackey as they're observing Aki, "I don't pay you to tell me what I know — she needs fixing!" | |
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The Phantom (1943): A henchman gets it from the villain after he gets ahead of himself in disposing of someone who hasn't outlived his usefulness quite yet. | |
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In Atlas Shrugged, Directive 10-289, the "moratorium on brains," chains all existing employees to their jobs, with a potential penalty of jail for any that quit. If any do quit, anyway (or lose their job for other reasons), that job is then assigned to someone else by a government committee, regardless of that person's ability to actually do the job. | |
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The Rock says, "It doesn't matter what you think!" | |
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In "The Thin White Line" on Family Guy, Peter tells a rehab counselor "Yeah, well I don't pay you to think, hot lips, in fact, I don't pay you at all... Count it!" | |
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Final Fantasy XIII: Referenced by Lightning. "'These Cocoon people' have spent centuries under fal'Cie rule, in constant fear of a Pulse invasion. If it weren't for Serah, I'd have been out there too. Hunting l'Cie. Would have been nothing but targets to me." | |
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In Dr. STONE, when Kirisame suggests destroying the ship belonging to the Kingdom of Science under the basis that it contains "sorcery" beyond their understanding and that it could be dangerous, Ibara cuts her off, retorts with "are you trying to give me your opinion?" and finally shuts her up by stating that it is the will of their master to keep the ship intact. Which is in fact a big fat lie; Ibara petrified the master years ago and is barking orders in his name so that people won't question his authority. | |
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In Artemis Fowl: The Opal Deception, Opal Koboi's treatment of the Brill brothers basically amounts to this. At one point, she even tells them not to so much as think in her direction and almost manages to convince them that she's actually able to tell when they're doing so. Jon Spiro treats his flunkies, Pecs and Chips in a similar fashion. When one of them makes a comment about dino dung forming into diamonds over time, he suggests paying them in dung, which shuts them up in a hurry. |
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In the Only Fools and Horses episode "To Hull and Back", Dirty Cop DCI Slater says this several times to his subordinate and driver PC Hoskins. This ends up backfiring horribly on him, when it turns out the Met are onto his corrupt practices and Hoskins drives him into a police sting. | |
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Spongebob Squarepants: Cheap tightwad boss Mr. Krabs does not pay SpongeBob to play dress-up or Squidward to breathe. There's also the scene where Spongebob's brain is represented as an office with lots of little Spongebobs running around doing work: |
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In Rock and Rule, Mok comes up with this gem when his talking-head minions actually dare to voice their doubts about his plan: | |
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