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IKEA Erotica

199 statements
36 feature instances
50 referencing feature instances

IKEA Erotica	type	FeatureClass
IKEA Erotica	label	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica	page	IKEAErotica
IKEA Erotica	comment	IKEA Erotica is the tendency of badly written sex scenes to be very mechanical descriptions of who sticks what into where. It's named after the Swedish big-box store, which is famous for selling furniture that requires assembly with instructions along the lines of "insert Tab A into Slot B". IKEA Erotica is a sex scene written in basically that style, which end up being about as interesting as assembling furniture. The point of erotica is to make the reader feel something of what the characters do, which in most cases should be arousal rather than boredom. In writing, sex isn't about sex, it's about the people having it and what they're feeling. But some writers don't get that, and they end up describing the physical mechanics of the sex. Sometimes it's a sign that the writer didn't want to include a sex scene but got overruled and initiated a Writer Revolt. More often, though, it's a sign that the writer is sexually inexperienced — they don't know anything about how sex feels, but only how it works, and that only from a biology textbook (sometimes likened to a description of "plumbing"). And sometimes not even then, which leads to poorly written Anatomically Impossible Sex. IKEA Erotica is one of the hallmarks of Fan Fiction by 14-year-old girls, examples of which are too numerous to list and too forgettable to remember. It's also a common feature of Porn Without Plot. If the writers only really care about writing the sex scenes and think everything else is filler, they're going to put all the emphasis on the sex scenes. If they're not particularly good at writing the sex scenes, you end up with prose like this. The extreme form is "verbing the noun", in which the scene is written almost entirely without adjectives or adverbs — all "he [x]ed her [y]" or "she [w]ed his [z]", where you could replace the keywords with anything and the reader wouldn't notice. But as always, Tropes Are Tools, and there are a number of reasons why IKEA Erotica might be deliberately included. It can be a parody of bad writing. It can be a way of Getting Crap Past the Radar. It can be an interesting insight into the psyche of a character who isn't good with emotions or has no human experience in the matter (a Humanoid Alien, for example, may well be more interested in the logistics than the loving). It can also be a way to show that the character feels no emotional connection to their partner, is enduring the act rather than enjoying it, or believes that Sex Is Evil and/or dehumanizing. It gets really weird when combined with The Body Parts That Must Not Be Named and/or Technical Euphemism. The best way to avoid falling afoul of this trope is not to describe the sex at all — by all means show the characters and the emotional lead up to the act, then pull a Sexy Discretion Shot and come back when it's all over. What the characters feel about each other is more important than what they're doing to each other, and they should still be feeling it before and after they have sex. Alternatively, you could try Lewd Lust, Chaste Sex, when all the events leading up to the act are described in lascivious detail, but the deed itself is elided; it has the same effect but makes it more titillating. See also Fetish Retardant and Narm, common consequences of IKEA Erotica, and Show, Don't Tell, which is a related piece of writing advice. Contrast with Mills and Boon Prose.
IKEA Erotica	fetched	2023-11-11T17:29:49Z
IKEA Erotica	parsed	2023-11-11T17:29:49Z
IKEA Erotica	processingComment	Dropped link to AuthorAvatar: Not an Item - FEATURE
IKEA Erotica	processingComment	Dropped link to BlindIdiotTranslation: Not an Item - FEATURE
IKEA Erotica	processingComment	Dropped link to Discussed: Not an Item - FEATURE
IKEA Erotica	processingComment	Dropped link to ItWillNeverCatchOn: Not an Item - FEATURE
IKEA Erotica	processingComment	Dropped link to MillsAndBoonProse: Not an Item - FEATURE
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IKEA Erotica	processingComment	Dropped link to PornWithoutPlot: Not an Item - FEATURE
IKEA Erotica	processingComment	Dropped link to RRatedOpening: Not an Item - FEATURE
IKEA Erotica	processingComment	Dropped link to RougeAnglesOfSatin: Not an Item - FEATURE
IKEA Erotica	processingComment	Dropped link to SexIsEvilAndIAmHorny: Not an Item - FEATURE
IKEA Erotica	processingComment	Dropped link to TheTalk: Not an Item - FEATURE
IKEA Erotica	isPartOf	DBTropes
IKEA Erotica / int_12998143	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_12998143	comment	Terrible Writing Advice: Discussed in "Lovemaking Scenes": It is stated that this trope could be used to show a character who is just going through the motions, but is better used as a crutch for novice writers to write a sex scene without describing it in an entertaining fashion or just fading to black.
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IKEA Erotica / int_12998143	featureConfidence	1.0
Terrible Writing Advice (Web Animation)	hasFeature	IKEA Erotica / int_12998143
IKEA Erotica / int_1360882c	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_1360882c	comment	Michael Grant's Gone: "She sighed as he entered her."
IKEA Erotica / int_1360882c	featureApplicability	1.0
IKEA Erotica / int_1360882c	featureConfidence	1.0
Gone	hasFeature	IKEA Erotica / int_1360882c
IKEA Erotica / int_15aaf80d	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_15aaf80d	comment	In Tuca & Bertie episode "The Deli Guy", Bertie describes her love life with Speckle as being so routine that it might as well be this. Her description is accompanied by an Art Shift which portrays them in the style of furniture instructions.
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Tuca & Bertie	hasFeature	IKEA Erotica / int_15aaf80d
IKEA Erotica / int_309df9ea	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_309df9ea	comment	In Linkara's review of The New Guardians #1:
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Atop the Fourth Wall (Web Video)	hasFeature	IKEA Erotica / int_309df9ea
IKEA Erotica / int_42ffb88e	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_42ffb88e	comment	The SCP Foundation fic "Union" (which is no longer on the site due to complications with the author) uses this for effect, since it's based on SCP-217, a virus that converts organisms into clockwork, both literally and figuratively.
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SCP Foundation (Website)	hasFeature	IKEA Erotica / int_42ffb88e
IKEA Erotica / int_43ec4b71	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_43ec4b71	comment	One night of the drop of rain: "It inserted its body into the other one."
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One night of the drop of rain / Fan Fic	hasFeature	IKEA Erotica / int_43ec4b71
IKEA Erotica / int_57430640	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_57430640	comment	Used intentionally in Speed Grapher, considering its unhinged look into sexuality and fetishes. If a sex scene isn't Fan Disservice, it's this trope.
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IKEA Erotica / int_57430640	featureConfidence	1.0
Speed Grapher	hasFeature	IKEA Erotica / int_57430640
IKEA Erotica / int_5eb99c57	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_5eb99c57	comment	Fifty Shades of Grey falls victim to this routinely. It also uses some very bizarre metaphors for sex and sexual organs, which are then extended to the breaking point in the sex scenes. Most infamous is the "Inner Goddess", which the narrator uses repeatedly to refer to her vagina; an oral sex scene is described by the "Inner Goddess" doing a salsa merengue, and another sex scene has her jumping up and down like a cheerleader waving pom-poms. Even though it tries to avoid IKEA Erotica, the metaphors are so blunt and transparent that it has the same effect. There's also this dialogue describing period sex, which is much more "traditional" IKEA Erotica:
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IKEA Erotica / int_62ceda02	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_62ceda02	comment	Shows up frequently in the sex scenes in Sonichu. At one point, Rosechu actually says "Insert Rod A into Slot B" without the slightest hint of irony.
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IKEA Erotica / int_69908b6b	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_69908b6b	comment	The Subject Steve has IKEA erotica. And IKEA gorn. And IKEA social interaction. And IKEA human life. All deliberate, as a means of evoking the correct atmosphere.
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IKEA Erotica / int_6a6066cf	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_6a6066cf	comment	How NOT to Write a Novel has a section devoted to this entitled "Assembly Instructions: Wherein the sex is drained of sex". It attributes this to a writer being uncomfortable with the scene:
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IKEA Erotica / int_6a97ecc0	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_6a97ecc0	comment	In Van Wilder, Richard, the Jerkass pre-med love rival to the protagonist, uses anatomical terms to describe what he's doing during sex with Gwen.
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Van Wilder	hasFeature	IKEA Erotica / int_6a97ecc0
IKEA Erotica / int_6ac55ec7	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_6ac55ec7	comment	The infamously bad third-party Dungeons & Dragons 3.0 Book of Erotic Fantasy wound up with this, due to trying to link a character's sexual ability to a skill check.
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IKEA Erotica / int_6cb2d709	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_6cb2d709	comment	Spanish fanfic writer Perla Shumajer is infamous for this, particularly in her Harry Potter fanfics. In one, she describes Snape taking "his" penis out of Harry's pants (without magic), and in another, she describes characters as "married in marriage". It's not really rich in its depictions, but it makes up for it in its bizarreness.
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Harry Potter (Franchise)	hasFeature	IKEA Erotica / int_6cb2d709
IKEA Erotica / int_74fb542e	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_74fb542e	comment	That Mitchell and Webb Look: A recurring sketch on That Mitchell and Webb Situation has the characters describe a new invention that we're all familiar with, in a way that makes it sound really stupid. One such invention is the human body itself, with Webb trying to convince Mitchell that one kind should have "a bit that goes out" and the other should have "a bit that goes in." A man who writes porno movies describes routinely receiving a basic outline of the relationship between a man and a woman, with large blank spaces containing only the words "they have sex" written several times over. His job is to fill in the blanks.
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IKEA Erotica / int_795a0fb0	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_795a0fb0	comment	My Immortal is full of this in its sex scenes. The first sex scene has the line, "Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time." It reads exactly like it was written by a teenage girl who knows nothing about sex. In later chapters, it drifts into Anatomically Impossible Sex territory with the line, "He put his boys thingie in mine" (spoken by a girl).
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IKEA Erotica / int_925cb860	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_925cb860	comment	Divi-Dead takes it to a whole other level with such gems as "shove your eggplant up to my ribcage!", and the hero always, always, always finishes with "I'm BLASTING!" Considering the rest of the game's bad translation job and obvious editing (rewriting what is obviously a rape scene by the voice acting to a consensual one), it's hard to say who is at fault — the original writers, or the translators.
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IKEA Erotica / int_a183d57f	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_a183d57f	comment	Futurama: Bender is a robot and naturally thinks of sex this way: Zoidberg can only think of sex in this manner. Knowing what happens to his species when they have sex, he's probably the better off for it.
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IKEA Erotica / int_ac67074d	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_ac67074d	comment	Done deliberately by Lamont Cranston in the Teen Titans fic Love in Shades of Green and Gray. Raven's first time (described in a separate post on adult-fanfiction.org) is with Aqualad, but he feels little for her, and she deliberately suppresses all emotion so as not to blast him with her powers, leading to a creepily clinical piece. A later time with Beast Boy (whom she does love) is a definite aversion.
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IKEA Erotica / int_ada547f3	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_ada547f3	comment	The Room (2003) is filled with pointless sex scenes. The main plot is driven by the protagonist's future wife having an affair with his best friend, but the camera spends way too long watching them have sex. Lead actor/director/writer/producer Tommy Wiseau apparently thought he needed protracted sex scenes to sell the movie, even though it's not really about sex. He also appears to be having sex with his future wife's belly button. The roses and cheesy R&B background music don't help at all.
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IKEA Erotica / int_af7aead4	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_af7aead4	comment	Last Week Tonight with John Oliver plays a clip of New Zealand Prime Minister Bill English narrating the world's saddest exercise video. Oliver then jokes that he wants to see English make a sex tape, speculating that he would provide narration that would be a hilarious example of this trope.
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Last Week Tonight with John Oliver	hasFeature	IKEA Erotica / int_af7aead4
IKEA Erotica / int_b0183e04	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_b0183e04	comment	Episode 6 of Garth Marenghis Darkplace opens with a piece of hilariously bad IKEA Erotica. Later, Dean Learner gets to rant about the standards of modern erotica writing, which ends up veering straight into Purple Prose.
IKEA Erotica / int_b0183e04	featureApplicability	1.0
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IKEA Erotica / int_b30bcd12	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_b30bcd12	comment	Used to great effectiveness in The Bluest Eye when Cholly rapes his daughter Pecola. The Beige Prose does absolutely nothing to detract from the Squick.
IKEA Erotica / int_b30bcd12	featureApplicability	1.0
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The Bluest Eye	hasFeature	IKEA Erotica / int_b30bcd12
IKEA Erotica / int_b9b796cf	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_b9b796cf	comment	Fate/stay night: "Please put your...that! Y-your pOnOs! To my...my...Here! ...My vagOOO!!! And J-J-JAM IT IN!" Memes ahoy.
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Fate/stay night (Visual Novel)	hasFeature	IKEA Erotica / int_b9b796cf
IKEA Erotica / int_ba44f5d5	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_ba44f5d5	comment	The Earth's Children series (with the exception of the first book) has pages and pages of this stuff. The sex scenes average about six pages long, largely devoted to the fact that Ayla and Jondalar have genitals of a complementary size, and are in fact, the only people with genitals of such a size. Also, they sometimes like to watch horses do it, or mammoths.
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IKEA Erotica / int_c2b149a1	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_c2b149a1	comment	Every sex scene in American Psycho is written like this, with interminable prosaic descriptions of every position. It all goes to show Patrick Bateman's unique outlook on everything.
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American Psycho	hasFeature	IKEA Erotica / int_c2b149a1
IKEA Erotica / int_cfd860dd	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_cfd860dd	comment	Kinoko Nasu, writer of Fate/stay night and Tsukihime among others, is infamous for his inability to write sex scenes, to the point that making fun of TYPE-MOON's sex scenes is a Running Gag amongst the fans. There's some evidence that the sex was forced into the story in order to make the games sell better, as later stories and remakes of the old games tend to lack any sex scenes at all (to the point that certain plot events had to be retconned into happening a different way).
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IKEA Erotica / int_d9673ef7	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_d9673ef7	comment	Used in The Handmaid's Tale, in order to emphasise the fact that the Ceremony (ritual sex involving a Handmaid), for Offred, is now nothing more than a duty. She even refers to the act as "fucking", as no other word describes what is happening to her. This language, and much of the rest of the book, often leads to controversies over its use in high school literature classes.
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IKEA Erotica / int_d9c602eb	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_d9c602eb	comment	South Park: A literal schoolboy's rhyme: Butters' parents describe sex to him this way, in keeping with Butters' twisted crazy upbringing:
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IKEA Erotica / int_dfe1eef5	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_dfe1eef5	comment	The last few Anita Blake books devolve into exactly this sort of dialogue. Author Laurell K. Hamilton wasn't interested in writing about stories so much as writing about sex, and it's usually this kind of thing. Sometimes she avoids it by describing some weird mystic event affecting all the characters, who wake up hours (or days) later having had insanely hot orgies that they don't even remember, which saves her from having to find new words to describe obscenely large werewolf genitalia to get inserted into Slot B.
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IKEA Erotica / int_e5ae92df	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_e5ae92df	comment	F.A.T.A.L. is infamous for this. It ostensibly wants to be an erotic tabletop RPG, but it does this by employing formulae for calculating the exact measurements of a character's primary and secondary sex characteristics, and more formulae for working out the results of a sexual encounter. It's technically optional, but there's no other point to playing the game, especially given the manual's emphasis on this kind of sex.
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IKEA Erotica / int_ea4f62db	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_ea4f62db	comment	Family Guy In the movie Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story: The episode "Peterotica" spoofs the whole concept. Peter gets an erotic novel and is disappointed by its writing style because it tries to avert this trope, so he decides to write one himself. He becomes a best-selling author and lauded as a genius of erotic literature, even though he writes the same way he talks — that is, a rambling, disjointed, stream of consciousness:
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IKEA Erotica / int_ed2a7866	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_ed2a7866	comment	The Sword Art Online webnovel had a pretty infamous one. The phrase "glopping sound" is used, and semen can apparently be measured in years. It's widely believed this was an example of Stylistic Suck. One can understand why this scene was left out when the series was remade for publishing.
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IKEA Erotica / int_f554e011	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_f554e011	comment	Used deliberately in two separate scenes in Katawa Shoujo: In the case of Hanako's route, it's to highlight their focus on the physical aspect, and the uncertainty they have over their feelings for each other. Neither of them seems to enjoy it very much (especially Hanako, whose scar tissue limits her flexibility), and they are painfully awkward in each other's presence the next morning. In Shizune's route, if you choose to comfort Misha, it's to emphasize the wrongness of Hisao and Misha's behavior through their mechanical and passionless act, especially in contrast to the previous sex scene with Shizune. Both are overcome by guilt afterwards, and it leads to the Bad End.
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IKEA Erotica / int_ff4e1b34	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_ff4e1b34	comment	In the Dharma & Greg episode "The Story of K", Kitty turns out to have been writing some pretty steamy, Romance Novel style erotica. However, in one of her stories, read aloud by Dharma, the sex is simply described thus:
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IKEA Erotica / int_ff7b68ba	type	IKEA Erotica
IKEA Erotica / int_ff7b68ba	comment	Night Court parodied this once. Mac was discussing assembling a train set, saying "Insert tab A into slot B. Who can't do that?" and Dan, the resident pervert, just gave him a look and said, "You'd be surprised."
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The following is a list of statements referring to the current page from other pages.

IKEA Erotica	processingCategory2	Fanfic Tropes
IKEA Erotica	processingCategory2	Older Than Print
IKEA Erotica	processingCategory2	Sex Tropes
Blue Gender / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
LoveInTheForest	seeAlso	IKEA Erotica
My Immortal / Fan Fic / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
One night of the drop of rain / Fan Fic / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Tarvos And Fairie A Love Story / Fan Fic	seeAlso	IKEA Erotica
Being To Timelessness (Fanfic) / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Hermione's Talent (Fanfic) / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Homestuck high (Fanfic) / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Imma Wiserd (Fanfic) / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
The Prayer Warriors (Fanfic) / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
The Story Of A Lonely Sorceress And A Cursed Gardener (Fanfic) / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Triumph of the Retart (Fanfic) / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Xtremly Scray (Fanfic) / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
City of Life and Death / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Horrible Bosses / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Teen Witch / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Atlanta Nights / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
How NOT to Write a Novel / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Kushiel's Legacy / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Looking for Alaska / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Naked Lunch / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Oriuagor / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Sholan Alliance / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
The Epic of Gilgamesh / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
The Gods Themselves / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
The Handmaid's Tale / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
The Lords of Creation / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
The Section 13 Case Files / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
The Subject Steve / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
The Thirteenth Child / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Tropic of Cancer / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Twelve Houses / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Who Fears Death / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Darktalon	seeAlso	IKEA Erotica
IkeaErotica	seeAlso	IKEA Erotica
TheBlackPearlOfPharazion	seeAlso	IKEA Erotica
TwelveHouses	seeAlso	IKEA Erotica
The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway (Music) / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
A Bit of Fry and Laurie / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
The Americans / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Divi-Dead (Visual Novel) / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Katawa Shoujo (Visual Novel) / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Sandra on the Rocks (Webcomic) / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Sonichu (Webcomic) / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica
Light and Dark The Adventures of Dark Yagami / Fan Fic / int_299d33f2	type	IKEA Erotica

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