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I Would Say If I Could Say

 I Would Say If I Could Say
type
FeatureClass
 I Would Say If I Could Say
label
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say
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IWouldSayIfICouldSay
 I Would Say If I Could Say
comment
This is a kind of wordplay joke you find characters using, on themselves or others, about how a common expression is very appropriate to the situation at hand... but not for them, since they can no longer use it without it being technically incorrect or highly ironic. Another way to do this is to "fix" the expression so that it works unironically, which changes the expression into a suspiciously off statement for those who have no clue about the character.
For example:
An undead could say "The city at night is so beautiful it takes my breath away... if I still breathed, anyway."
Or an atheist might exclaim "Oh your God, what have you done?!"
"This is an outrage; I won't stand for this! ... And not just because I'm in a wheelchair."
And to use the trope name: "I would say this is impossible, if it hadn't already happened."
For this humor to work, the audience has to know enough about the character to see why the normal statement wouldn't apply. It's not a very difficult task if it can be known just from looking at them or watching them for a bit, but if the relevant bit of background is subtle or requires knowing Backstory the joke can get lost to new viewers. Alternately, a character can be introduced using this kind of humor so the audience and fellow cast can learn something about them, be it that they're somehow different or prone to offbeat humor. If it takes a few episodes for the joke to pay off, it becomes funnier in repeat viewings.
Not to be confused with Could Say It, But.... Compare Insult Backfire and Asymmetric Dilemma. Compare and contrast Forgot He Was a Robot.
 I Would Say If I Could Say
fetched
2024-03-16T04:15:13Z
 I Would Say If I Could Say
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2024-03-16T04:15:13Z
 I Would Say If I Could Say
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Dropped link to AsymmetricDilemma: Not an Item - FEATURE
 I Would Say If I Could Say
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Dropped link to CutSong: Not an Item - FEATURE
 I Would Say If I Could Say
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Dropped link to EnemyMine: Not an Item - FEATURE
 I Would Say If I Could Say
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Dropped link to Inverted: Not an Item - UNKNOWN
 I Would Say If I Could Say
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Dropped link to JonathanCoulton: Not an Item - IGNORE
 I Would Say If I Could Say
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Dropped link to NerdsAreVirgins: Not an Item - FEATURE
 I Would Say If I Could Say
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Dropped link to RobotBuddy: Not an Item - FEATURE
 I Would Say If I Could Say
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Dropped link to TalkingAnimal: Not an Item - FEATURE
 I Would Say If I Could Say
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Dropped link to ZombieApocalypse: Not an Item - FEATURE
 I Would Say If I Could Say
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Dropped link to runninggag: Not an Item - FEATURE
 I Would Say If I Could Say
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 I Would Say If I Could Say
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DBTropes
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_11b7db91
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_11b7db91
comment
Adventure Time has this exchange between Marceline and her father in "It Came from the Nightosphere":
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_11b7db91
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_11b7db91
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 Adventure Time
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_11b7db91
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_142ee5a5
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_142ee5a5
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Kingdom Hearts II has Saïx, a being without a heart and therefore no emotions.
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_142ee5a5
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_142ee5a5
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 Kingdom Hearts II (Video Game)
hasFeature
I Would Say If I Could Say / int_142ee5a5
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_1a044a10
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_1a044a10
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In Return to Oz, the flying Gump says as they fall to their Doomâ„¢, "If I had a stomach, I know I'd be sick!"
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_1a044a10
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_1a044a10
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 Return to Oz
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_1a044a10
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_1dedf61a
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_1dedf61a
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From the Space Ghost Coast to Coast episode "Chambraigne" has Carl and Little Carl, a pair of giant floating brains, with this exchange:
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_1dedf61a
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1.0
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 Space Ghost Coast to Coast
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_1dedf61a
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I Would Say If I Could Say
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Hercules: "My friends call me Meg. At least, they would if I had any friends."
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_1e7ca85f
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_1e7ca85f
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 Hercules
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_1e7ca85f
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_20ac8a71
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_20ac8a71
comment
Two examples in Doom Patrol from early November 2009:
In the main story, the Black Lantern, Negative Woman says, "I can't for the life of me understand why. Ah, perhaps 'life' was not the best choice of word."
In the Metal Men backup strip, Doc Magnus says, "My God (Metaphorically speaking. I don't actually believe in the existence of a supreme being)! What happened here?"
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_20ac8a71
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 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_20ac8a71
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 Doom Patrol (Comic Book)
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_20ac8a71
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_21938c93
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_21938c93
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In Avengers: Age of Ultron, Ultron makes his opinion known:
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_21938c93
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_21938c93
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 Avengers: Age of Ultron
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_21938c93
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_2212773a
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_2212773a
comment
From Angel:
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_2212773a
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_2212773a
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1.0
 Angel
hasFeature
I Would Say If I Could Say / int_2212773a
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_24e41891
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_24e41891
comment
Dexter does this a lot in voice over, referring to his lack of emotional reactions. Of his adoptive sister, he says "I don't have feelings, but if I could have feelings, I would have them for Deb."
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_24e41891
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_24e41891
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 Dexter
hasFeature
I Would Say If I Could Say / int_24e41891
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_25dce724
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_25dce724
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Sparkling Generation Valkyrie Yuuki is fighting the Aurochs, a giant bull, ineffectively. She does a power slide beneath him and smacks his meatballs with her hammer.
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_25dce724
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_25dce724
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 Sparkling Generation Valkyrie Yuuki (Webcomic)
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_25dce724
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_261c8d3f
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_261c8d3f
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The Simpsons:
Tom: "Bart, I could kiss you... If Bigger Brothers hadn't made me sign a form promising I wouldn't."
In "Worst Episode Ever", Comic Book Guy has a stress-induced cardiac episode. When he tells Dr. Hibbert he runs a comic book shop, the doctor says they would call said job "the widowmaker" if any of the people who had it had wives.
Once, a gay character said to Lisa, "If I was a straight 8-year-old boy, I'd be so holding your hand right now."
Lindsay Naegle: "This is where the tears would be if I could cry. But I can't; botched facelift."
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_261c8d3f
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_261c8d3f
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 The Simpsons
hasFeature
I Would Say If I Could Say / int_261c8d3f
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_2ae406c1
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_2ae406c1
comment
In Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri:
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_2ae406c1
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_2ae406c1
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1.0
 Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri (Video Game)
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_2ae406c1
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_30065ab
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Cuphead parody animation "The Cursed Thirst" has Cuphead die after drinking away the contents of his own head. The next scene has Mugman and the Elder Kettle standing solemnly at Cuphead's grave, when his ghost pops up and yells at Mugman to revive him.
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_30065ab
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 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_30065ab
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 Cuphead (Video Game)
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_30065ab
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_30d9627b
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_30d9627b
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In The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (1978), Marvin says, "Well, excuse me for breathing, which I never do anyway so I don't know why I bother to say it. Oh, God, I'm so depressed."
There was also his speech for the opening of the new bridge on Sqornshellous Zeta.
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_30d9627b
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 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (1978) (Radio)
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_30d9627b
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_3953ed64
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_3953ed64
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There is this exchange between a disembodied character and an animated skeleton in A Modest Destiny:
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_3953ed64
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_3953ed64
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 AModestDestiny
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 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_3adfb1ba
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_3adfb1ba
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In the House of Mouse episode "Halloween with Hades" has Hades give two such quotes.
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_3adfb1ba
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_3adfb1ba
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 House of Mouse
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_3adfb1ba
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_3db944d2
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_3db944d2
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Emily in Corpse Bride has the "take my breath away" variant.
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_3db944d2
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_3db944d2
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 Corpse Bride
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_3db944d2
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_3ddddb25
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_3ddddb25
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In Xiaolin Showdown, as Wuya returns to a corporeal form:
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_3ddddb25
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_3ddddb25
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 Xiaolin Showdown
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_3ddddb25
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_41b0198a
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_41b0198a
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In The Dresden Files novel Ghost Story, Harry, currently a ghost, uses the undead version: "Centuries from now, who knows? Maybe magic will have the side effect of making you really good-looking and popular with the opposite sex - but I'm not holding my breath. I mean, you know. I wouldn't be. If I still had any."
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_41b0198a
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 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_41b0198a
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 The Dresden Files
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_41b0198a
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_468bebb0
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_468bebb0
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Discworld:
Gaspode The Wonder Dog is fond of mutating the expression "pull the other one, it's got bells on" to "pull one of the others, it's got bells on", since being a dog he has four legs. This almost gets him caught when he has to pass for human in The Truth.
In Jingo, a watchman says "well, at least we're all still breathing" and resident zombie (and Zombie Advocate) Reg points out that this is a "vitalist remark."
Death, essentially a walking robe-wearing skeleton, does this in Hogfather:
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_468bebb0
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_468bebb0
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 Discworld
hasFeature
I Would Say If I Could Say / int_468bebb0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_4b5e321c
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_4b5e321c
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Doc McStuffins, rescuing her stuffed dragon from a puppy: "Sorry, Rudy, but Stuffy's not a toy. *beat* Well, not a dog toy."
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_4b5e321c
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_4b5e321c
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 Doc McStuffins
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_4b5e321c
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_4e45b093
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_4e45b093
comment
The Big Bang Theory: Leonard the shy physicist guy asked Penny the beautiful neighbour out, but she's not aware that it's a romantic date. When Leonard prepares, he's pretty stressed out. His room-mate Sheldon the insufferable genius offers possible outcomes: first one that alcohol and poor judgement might work for Leonard's benefit, or that there will be a string of awkward meetings in the hall until one of them moves to another zip code.
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_4e45b093
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_4e45b093
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 The Big Bang Theory
hasFeature
I Would Say If I Could Say / int_4e45b093
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_50bcf7a6
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_50bcf7a6
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Doc Scratch of Homestuck will be keeping an eye, which he doesn't have, on the clock, which he doesn't need.
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_50bcf7a6
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_50bcf7a6
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1.0
 Homestuck (Webcomic)
hasFeature
I Would Say If I Could Say / int_50bcf7a6
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_541a1c1
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_541a1c1
comment
Used from time to time in Mysticons in regards to General Dreadbane.
"Sisters in Arms":
"The Dragon's Rage":
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_541a1c1
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_541a1c1
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1.0
 Mysticons
hasFeature
I Would Say If I Could Say / int_541a1c1
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_58d80a4a
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_58d80a4a
comment
In Jingo, a watchman says "well, at least we're all still breathing" and resident zombie (and Zombie Advocate) Reg points out that this is a "vitalist remark."
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_58d80a4a
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_58d80a4a
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1.0
 Jingo
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_58d80a4a
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_59da62aa
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_59da62aa
comment
A variation in Fallout: New Vegas, with Mr. House using some proverbs that haven't aged well every now and then.
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_59da62aa
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_59da62aa
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 Fallout: New Vegas (Video Game)
hasFeature
I Would Say If I Could Say / int_59da62aa
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_5a2333ef
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_5a2333ef
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There's a variation in LittleBigPlanet; the narrator doesn't contradict himself or his existence, but rather gets contradicted by the fact that, well, sack people were harmed.
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_5a2333ef
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_5a2333ef
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 LittleBigPlanet (Video Game)
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_5a2333ef
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_5c208620
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_5c208620
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Superman: The Animated Series: Luthor, discovering who his kidnapper is, exclaims "Brainiac!", to which Brainiac replies "in the flesh, so to speak". Metallo uses the same joke in another episode.
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_5c208620
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_5c208620
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 Superman: The Animated Series
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_5c208620
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_63230cb
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Dragon Ball Z Abridged has the following gem from Dr. Gero after Android 19 finally gets the upper hand against Goku.
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_63230cb
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1.0
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 Dragon Ball Z Abridged (Web Video)
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_63230cb
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I Would Say If I Could Say
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In There Is No Game: Wrong Dimension, after the player unscrews an eye icon from behind the scenes of the game:
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_6336da47
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 There Is No Game: Wrong Dimension (Video Game)
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_6336da47
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Sofia the First:
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_63409895
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_63409895
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 Sofia the First
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_63409895
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I Would Say If I Could Say
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Avatar: The Last Airbender: Toph has never been shy about pointing out her blindness, including a line expressing frustration of Ba Sing Se's social rigidity:
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_72262aee
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_72262aee
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 Avatar: The Last Airbender
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_72262aee
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_7460586f
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In Archer, "Placebo Effect":
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_7460586f
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_7460586f
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 Archer
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I Would Say If I Could Say
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Mack narrates, in The Automatic Detective: despite his vow to keep his nose clean, "which should have been easy, since I didn't have a nose", he heard something break in the apartment and had to investigate.
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 The Automatic Detective
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In the Wacky Races episode "Creepy Trip to Lemon Twist", one ghost says to the other, "I'd be bored out of my skull... if I had a skull."
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In Halo: Combat Evolved:
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_7bff7264
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_7bff7264
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 Halo: Combat Evolved (Video Game)
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I Would Say If I Could Say
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In the Casper movie, Cat gets in an argument with the the Ghostly Trio and tells them to "Drop dead!", to which they retort "Too late!"
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_7d4d7d22
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I Would Say If I Could Say
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In Jason X, the android Kay-Em gets her head knocked off by Jason during the climactic battle. After Jason is killed at the end, Kay-Em's disembodied head is being carried by one of the other surviving heroes, and she states, "I'd clap, if I could."
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_893f66b7
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 Jason X
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_9004922f
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Death, essentially a walking robe-wearing skeleton, does this in Hogfather:
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_9004922f
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_9004922f
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 Hogfather
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_9004922f
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_90a3a7f4
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_90a3a7f4
comment
Kim Possible: In the episode where she first meets Felix, Kim is overly conscious of the fact that he's in a wheelchair (albeit an impressively tricked-out one), and keeps being over-helpful. Fortunately, he's amused rather than resentful:
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_90a3a7f4
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 Kim Possible
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 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_90b916ba
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Batman: The Animated Series: Batman discovers Mr. Freeze's tragic backstory and is caught off-guard by Freeze's return:
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_90b916ba
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1.0
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 Batman: The Animated Series
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_90b916ba
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I Would Say If I Could Say
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The Wizard of Oz:
In the Cut Song "The Jitterbug", the Scarecrow says, "I haven't got a brain, but I think I ought to worry."
Aunt Em to Almira Gulch "For twenty-three years, I've been dying to tell you what I thought of you, and now—well—being a Christian woman, I can't say it!"
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_914ba844
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_914ba844
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 The Wizard of Oz
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_914ba844
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type
I Would Say If I Could Say
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Brook in One Piece, who is a skeleton, use any opportunity he finds to deliver one of his "Skull jokes":
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_9e2f90f4
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_9e2f90f4
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 One Piece (Manga)
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_9e2f90f4
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_a183d57f
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
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Futurama:
The robot Bender often uses "Oh your God!" as an exclamation.
Another Bender example: "I'm so excited I wish I could wet my pants."
At one point Mr. Horrible Gelatinous Blob (who's in a bit of a bad mood) tells Cubert and Dwight (who broke his window and are apologising at their father's behest) to "Kiss my ass...which I don't have!", provoking a fight with Hermes and the Professor.
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_a183d57f
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_a183d57f
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1.0
 Futurama
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_a183d57f
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_a1b53bd6
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_a1b53bd6
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Beyond the Borders: Rachel thinks about Riley putting an idea in her head, and belatedly amends "...or whatever", since they're in the same head to begin with.
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_a1b53bd6
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1.0
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_a1b53bd6
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I Would Say If I Could Say
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In Scooby-Doo! and the Reluctant Werewolf, Dracula has an interesting remark to make about how much his minions, the Hunch Bunch, vex him.
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_ac0d8dc2
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1.0
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 Scooby-Doo! and the Reluctant Werewolf
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_ac0d8dc2
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I Would Say If I Could Say
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From the My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic episode "A Bird in the Hoof", where Twilight Sparkle tries to convince Fluttershy to show a sickly bird some "tough love":
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_c4282b71
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_c4282b71
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1.0
 My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_c4282b71
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_c43df4d8
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_c43df4d8
comment
A variation of this is found in Doctor Who, with the Fourth Doctor telling a girl "You're a beautiful woman... probably."
In "Voyage of the Damned", the Tenth Doctor discovers the man trying to sabotage the Starship Titanic is Max Capricorn himself, who had run the company for decades as a disembodied cyborg head.
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_c43df4d8
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_c43df4d8
featureConfidence
1.0
 Doctor Who
hasFeature
I Would Say If I Could Say / int_c43df4d8
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_cb339e98
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_cb339e98
comment
The Horse and His Boy: Decidedly not Played for Laughs between Prince Rabadash and his father, the Tisroc (may he live forever), when the former tries to persuade the latter to declare war against Narnia, though he pragmatically refuses.
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_cb339e98
featureApplicability
1.0
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1.0
 The Horse and His Boy
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_cb339e98
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_cbd30f6b
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_cbd30f6b
comment
In the Maryoku Yummy episode "Sound Advice", Baburu, seeing Hadagi pull out an accordion, comments, "It's times like this I wish I had hands to cover my ears."
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_cbd30f6b
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_cbd30f6b
featureConfidence
1.0
 Maryoku Yummy
hasFeature
I Would Say If I Could Say / int_cbd30f6b
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_ce2c3c13
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_ce2c3c13
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Murray the talking skull from The Curse of Monkey Island is the butt of a few jokes like this.
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_ce2c3c13
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_ce2c3c13
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1.0
 The Curse of Monkey Island (Video Game)
hasFeature
I Would Say If I Could Say / int_ce2c3c13
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_d46beefd
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_d46beefd
comment
In Wild Wild West, when Arliss Loveless reveals that he wasn't actually killed in the Civil War, he declares himself "alive and kicking!" Being Half the Man He Used to Be, he then corrects himself: "well, alive, anyway!"
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_d46beefd
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_d46beefd
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1.0
 Wild Wild West
hasFeature
I Would Say If I Could Say / int_d46beefd
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_d4f9ccf
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_d4f9ccf
comment
In Aladdin after Crashing Through the Harem, Aladdin is hit with a broom by a matron who yells, "I'd blame parents except he hasn't got 'em!"
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_d4f9ccf
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_d4f9ccf
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_d4f9ccf
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I Would Say If I Could Say
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In the Cabin Pressure episode "Gdansk", Douglas points out that he cannot honestly say "you win some, you lose some" to poor Martin.
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_d6778009
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1.0
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 Cabin Pressure (Radio)
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_d6778009
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I Would Say If I Could Say
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In the Metal Men backup strip, Doc Magnus says, "My God (Metaphorically speaking. I don't actually believe in the existence of a supreme being)! What happened here?"
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_d6e2636b
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1.0
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_d6e2636b
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type
I Would Say If I Could Say
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In The Matrix Reloaded, Agent Smith (who's a computer program/virus) describes himself as "A new man, so to speak."
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_d7c9f170
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_d7c9f170
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1.0
 The Matrix Reloaded
hasFeature
I Would Say If I Could Say / int_d7c9f170
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_d8c7398f
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_d8c7398f
comment
From the 2010 Pound Puppies episode "Dog on a Wire":
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_d8c7398f
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_d8c7398f
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1.0
 Pound Puppies (2010)
hasFeature
I Would Say If I Could Say / int_d8c7398f
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_dc4363c5
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_dc4363c5
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True Blood: Jessica Hamby, when unloading to Nan Flanagan about her boy troubles:
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_dc4363c5
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_dc4363c5
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1.0
 True Blood
hasFeature
I Would Say If I Could Say / int_dc4363c5
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_de00af4b
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_de00af4b
comment
A variation in one episode of Care Bears: Adventures in Care-a-Lot: Pleased with a plan, Grizzle kisses UR-2, his robot minion. UR-2 is not pleased, and comments, "I'm sick to my stomach, and I don't even have one."
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_de00af4b
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1.0
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1.0
 Care Bears: Adventures in Care-a-Lot
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_de00af4b
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I Would Say If I Could Say
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Ducktalez: In the second episode, during the Zombie Apocalypse at Scrooge's mannor.
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_e1c8fa4d
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1.0
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 Ducktalez (Web Animation)
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_e1c8fa4d
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I Would Say If I Could Say
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Homestar Runner: In the Strong Bad Email "too cool", an Easter Egg has F-Sack criticize a Piss-Take Rap done by "Couch Z".
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_e25322af
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_e25322af
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1.0
 Homestar Runner (Web Animation)
hasFeature
I Would Say If I Could Say / int_e25322af
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_e293455a
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_e293455a
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From the musical episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, there's a number that goes, "If my heart could beat, it would break my chest."
According to Spike, Andrew is "a breath of fresh air, isn't he? Thank God I don't breathe."
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_e293455a
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_e293455a
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1.0
 Buffy the Vampire Slayer
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_e293455a
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_e3b8885
type
I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_e3b8885
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In A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum there's this exchange between slaves Hysterium and Pseudolus when the former is Dragged into Drag:
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_e3b8885
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_e3b8885
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1.0
 A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (Theatre)
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_e3b8885
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_e960895
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_e960895
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From Halloween Romance: "I defy any human being to fail to learn slow dancing. Then again, I'm technically not a human being anymore."
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_e960895
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_e960895
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1.0
 Legends of Laconia
hasFeature
I Would Say If I Could Say / int_e960895
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_ec27cf6d
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_ec27cf6d
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A variant in Igor, where Scamper, a reanimated rabbit with an extreme Healing Factor; and Brain, exactly what the name implies; are trying to dismantle a doomsday device. Failing, Brain panics and exclaims, "We're all gonna die! Except you!"
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_ec27cf6d
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_ec27cf6d
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1.0
 Igor
hasFeature
I Would Say If I Could Say / int_ec27cf6d
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_ed0803a7
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_ed0803a7
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In Star Trek VI, when the crew of the Enterprise is ordered to go back to a star base to be decommissioned, Spock's reply is "If I were Human, I believe my response would be 'Go to Hell.' If I were Human."
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_ed0803a7
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_ed0803a7
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 Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_ed0803a7
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I Would Say If I Could Say
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In the first episode of Mao Mao: Heroes of Pure Heart, Sky Pirate Orangusnake addresses his crew, "Attention you scurvy dogs! And other creatures."
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_eea20f43
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_eea20f43
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1.0
 Mao Mao: Heroes of Pure Heart
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_eea20f43
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_f1d492d4
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I Would Say If I Could Say
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In the third book of P.C.Hodgell's Chronicles of the Kencyrath series, Seeker's Mask, Jame, the heroine, trying to sort out how she's related to another character, in a culture that places a great deal of importance on blood relationships, says, "If I had a piece of chalk, I'd work it out on a wall, if I had a wall."
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_f1d492d4
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1.0
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 Chronicles of the Kencyrath
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_f5db72f7
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In Sam & Max Hit the Road:
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_f5db72f7
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_f5db72f7
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1.0
 Sam & Max Hit the Road / Videogame
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_f60557db
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From 2007's Bionic Woman:
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_f60557db
featureApplicability
1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_f60557db
featureConfidence
1.0
 Bionic Woman
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I Would Say If I Could Say / int_f60557db
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_ff9ab17f
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_ff9ab17f
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In one episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, Data visits his birth planet (so to speak), and tells Picard, "I could say 'home, sweet home', sir. If I understood how the word 'sweet' applies."
Also, Data once says "If I were not an android, I would find this entire process insulting."
Inverted in another episode in which Q is Brought Down to Normal, where he says, "This is getting on my nerves, now that I have them!"
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_ff9ab17f
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1.0
 I Would Say If I Could Say / int_ff9ab17f
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 Star Trek: The Next Generation
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The following is a list of statements referring to the current page from other pages.

 I Would Say If I Could Say
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Comedy Tropes
 I Would Say If I Could Say
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Dialogue
 The Wonderful Wizard of Oz / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 Game Over (Fanfic) / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 The Assumption Of Applejack-or-Appletheosis (Fanfic) / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 Jason X / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 Return to Oz / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 The Matrix Reloaded / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 Wild Wild West / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 Care Bears (Franchise) / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Franchise) / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 Marik Plays Bloodlines (Lets Play) / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 Chronicles of the Kencyrath / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 Great Expectations / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 Legends of Laconia / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 Eranova
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I Would Say If I Could Say
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 Horrible Histories / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
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I Would Say If I Could Say
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I Would Say If I Could Say
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I Would Say If I Could Say
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 Corpse Bride / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 House of Mouse / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 Igor / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 Maryoku Yummy / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 PJ Sparkles / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 Pound Puppies (2010) / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 Rugrats Go Wild! / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 Scooby-Doo! and the Reluctant Werewolf / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 Wacky Races / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 Xiaolin Showdown / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say
 Hope for the Heartless (Fanfic) / int_8e0075dc
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I Would Say If I Could Say