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Kung-Fu Jesus

 Kung-Fu Jesus
type
FeatureClass
 Kung-Fu Jesus
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 Kung-Fu Jesus
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 Kung-Fu Jesus
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A New Media and comedy trope in which Jesus (or any other similar Messianic Archetype or Crystal Dragon Jesus figure) is depicted doing very, very awesome deeds that somehow were never recorded in the Bible. May involve Jesus being a badass, or just generally doing something really cool. Has a certain degree of Truth in Television, if you believe in the Bible.
Another use for this trope is when a messianic figure (not historical) has extreme martial ability as one of his defining traits. He may be a man of peace, but he'll kick your ass six ways to Sunday if you dare to do bad in front of him.
Name based on the Exalted fandom and on Avatar: The Abridged Series description of Aang as a "Kung Fu Action Jesus". Not to Be Confused with Something Awful goon and Let's Play aficionado Kung-Fu Jesus.
A Sub-Trope of Jesus Was Way Cool, and also Historical Badass Upgrade.
See also Church Militant and Pals with Jesus. Might go on adventures with Badass Santa, or Gandhi II. Push it to the extreme and you got Everybody Was Kung-Fu Fighting. If it's one of His followers doing the ass-kicking, that's a Badass Preacher or Religious Bruiser; of course, Real Men Love Jesus for this reason.
If you're looking for the Something Awful Lets Player, his page is here.
 Kung-Fu Jesus
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2023-11-25T05:01:17Z
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2023-11-25T05:01:17Z
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DBTropes
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Kung-Fu Jesus
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In the parent series, Aleph of Shin Megami Tensei II is an amnesiac gladiator who is declared to be the Messiah. His first tasks as Messiah involve fighting demons attacking the populace, and he is only publicly declared to be the Messiah after defeating the other claimant in a tournament-like match. His actual status as the Messiah is up for debate, because he's an artificial human created by science, but under the supervision of the four archangels.
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For a less subtle example, Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter.
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1.0
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In A Certain Magical Index, Saints with a capital "S" are people who are born with bodies possessing properties close to that of Jesus himself, which grants them incredible physical and magical powers, to the point they can fight actual angels. One side-story light novel makes the comment that Saints are usually never called in unless the threat in question is capable of causing mountain-range levels of devastation at least. The chances of actually being born with such a body, however, are very slim, as there are only 20 known people in the world who can qualify. Known Saints include the female Master Swordsman and former head of the Amakusa Christians, Kaori Kanzaki; the member of God's Right Seat of the Roman Catholic Church, Acqua of the Back; the strongest maid in Britain and currently the travelling companion of Ollerus, Silvia; and the Valkyrie (which also gives her the powers of Norse mythological beings), Brunhild Eiktobel.
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Kung-Fu Jesus
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"Jesús, Christian Martial Artist" is one of Linkara's lesser used running gags. Coined in his review of The Godyssey.
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 Atop the Fourth Wall (Web Video)
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In Naruto, the titular character gains the power of Rikudo Sennin, Hagoromo Ōtsutsuki, now having god-like powers to counter the now god-like Madara Uchiha. One of his new powers include Healing Hands, but it's power is beyond any healing-type jutsu in the whole world. For example, Naruto stops the killing side effect of Guy's Hachimon and later he gives Kakashi his original left eye back after Madara has ripped it off.
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Hamlet 2 - The song [1]"Rock Me Sexy Jesus"
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Toki of Fist of the North Star is by far the most messianic of the three Hokuto Brothers, and unlike warriors like Kenshiro and Rei who use their martial arts to mete out justice against the wicked, Toki primarily uses the Hokuto Shinken arts to heal people. When he does use his skills to attack opponents, he makes sure that they deal no pain. To top it off, the guy even Looks Like Jesus.
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This is very common in old Anglo-Saxon Christianity. Dream of the Rood is all about portraying Jesus as a young warrior prince who is crucified not because he knew he had to and so he let it happen, but rather wanted to be crucified because he knew how important it was. No Roman soldiers nailed him to any cross, He climbed up on that cross himself, like the badass He is.
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Paradise Lost has Jesus (referred to as the "Son of God", because He hasn't been born as a human yet) take part in the third day of the war in heaven. After two days of deadlock between the two angel armies, the Son takes the field and single-handedly drives Satan and his entire army into Hell.
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Cracked's 5 Real Deleted Bible Scenes In Which Jesus Kicks Some Ass
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During the road to WrestleMania XXV, Shawn Michaels portrayed a stripping Kung-Fu Jesus parallel to the satanic counterpart that The Undertaker has portrayed for most of his career for their feud.
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The absurdist comedy Lamb: The Gospel According To Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal spends a long time devoted to the time span where the story of Jesus' life is missing from the Bible (roughly from about age 12 to his early 30s). In Lamb Jesus (and Biff) spend most of this time wandering the east, learning alchemy, science, and Kung Fu, (literally) among other things.
Jesus develops a form that does not cause great physical harm or death. It's called "The Way of the Jew"— or "Jew Do". This is by no means the worst pun in the book.
The author even lampshaded in the book's afterword. He writes about how he was going to leave the Kung Fu part out because it didn't fit the timeline... until he spent a couple of minutes thinking "But what if Jesus knew Kung Fu?" He had to throw it in.
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The Dragonborn in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. Naturally, the Nordic equivalent of their messiah is the ultimate Dragonslayer, capable of Shouting at reality so loud that reality listens via the Thu'um. Depending on character build, it's not uncommon for him to be an armor-clad, BFS-wielding badass either.
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The most powerful Persona of the Judgment Arcana from Persona 3 is Jesus. Well, okay, it's never outright stated to be Jesus, instead going by the name 'Messiah', but the description given pretty firmly implies exactly which Messiah it is meant to be. Especially since, at level 95, he gets the skill Absorb Pierce.
In the parent series, Aleph of Shin Megami Tensei II is an amnesiac gladiator who is declared to be the Messiah. His first tasks as Messiah involve fighting demons attacking the populace, and he is only publicly declared to be the Messiah after defeating the other claimant in a tournament-like match. His actual status as the Messiah is up for debate, because he's an artificial human created by science, but under the supervision of the four archangels.
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In WWE's ECW revival, John Morrison was once asked what his opponents had in store at the upcoming Pay-Per-View. His response was, "Imagine if Jesus knew kung-fu. That's what everybody else is dealing with."
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In an episode of American Dad!, Jesus arrives to take control of the forces of good at Armageddon and becomes known as Commander Jesus. His counterpart, the Anti-Christ, however, is not nearly so badass. Well, Jesus said that the Anti-Christ was the opposite of him in every sense, so if Jesus was badass, it's obvious that the Anti was not.
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The Nostalgia Critic has been seen countering with Robotic Donkey Kong Jesus Riding a Puff of Smoke. And now, all praise the Santa Christ!
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Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha ViVid sees the resident Clone Jesus Vivio practicing the local version of kung fu ("Strike Arts"). It is also unambiguously said that the "original Jesus", the Saint King Olivie, was the strongest fighter in the multiverse during her lifetime.
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This is essentially what the Avatar is in Avatar: The Last Airbender and its sequel series, The Legend of Korra:
For the current living avatar to fully realize their power, they have to become highly spiritual, and this full realization entails unlocking a Super Mode that can potentially alter plate tectonics. Considering that the Avatar idea comes from Hinduism and Buddhism, this would technically make Aang and Korra examples of Kung Fu Rama/Krishna, by way of the Dalai Lama.
The man who established the Avatar Cycle, Wan qualifies as this. He is an All-Loving Hero, with long hair reminiscent of Jesus. He is also the creator and the first practitioner of the firebending martial arts based on the movements of a dragon. His peaceful nature didn't stop him from becoming the First Avatar and kicking Vaatu's butt. It is implied that Wan continued to fight in wars for the rest of his life.
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Kung-Fu Jesus
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The page title for the index page of Errant Story changes regularly, but for a while it said "We now return to the Adventures of Kung-Fu Jesus and His Amazing Giant Robot."
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Ronald D. Moore commented that the story of Moses was one of the inspirations for Benjamin Sisko's character arc on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. In this case, a group of Sufficiently Advanced Aliens stand in for the burning bush. He doesn't get into much hand-to-hand asskicking (at least, no more than any other Starfleet captain), but he is a key figure planning Starfleet's overall strategy during the Dominion War and kicks a fair amount of ass as captain of the series premier Cool Starship, and in the finale he does tackle a Pah Wraith-possessed Gul Dukat off a cliff.
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Implied in the ending of District 9, when the government official speculates that Christopher Johnson might return to his homeworld, tell his race about what the MNU were doing to the Prawn refugees on Earth, and use that as a pretext for an Alien Invasion.
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The Gospel of Matthew has a canon moment where Jesus clears the temple in Jerusalem. With a whip. That he made himself for that very occasion (meaning that it wasn't a moment of blind rage, but rather a very deliberate thing he put time and effort into while the Apostles watched him do it). It's worth emphasizing pacifists are not usually known for wandering into public meeting places with weapons to beat eight tons of crap out of everyone making a quick buck off of religion. Or flipping a table made of marble. Yet that is exactly what Jesus did.
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In Shaman King, God is also known as the Great Spirit, the ultimate spirit who can only be channeled by the victor of the Shaman Fight. This being the case, it's implied that Jesus was the victor of his era's Shaman Fight. And the fact that the shaman fight occurs "Every 500 Years" infers that, so was Mohammad (and so was Buddha, if you work it backwards).
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Brickleberry: JESUS! He killed all the dinosaurs!
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In the Planet Hulk story line, the people of the planet Sakaar fully believe that their Crystal Dragon Jesus, the Sakaarson, will be a complete and utter badass, to the point that at different points in the story, both Hulk and Silver Surfer are thought to be the Sakaarson come at last.
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Chaos from Xenosaga. He's implied to be the literal Jesus Christ and fights with his fists and legs. And he destroyed Gnosis by touching it with bare hand.
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The flash Madness Combat involves Jesus quite extensively from making zombies to kill the protagonist to murderizing mooks with a massive smith and wesson and a sniper rifle. He also has a sword marked 3:16, presumably a reference to John 3:16: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
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In One Piece, (former) Fleet Admiral Sengoku has a Zoan Devil Fruit that turns him into Buddha. This naturally gives him super strength and allows him to launch shockwaves from his palms.
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The Book of Revelation, in which the Word of God (generally identified with Jesus) descends from heaven wearing a blood-soaked robe, wielding a double edged sword, leading the armies of heaven in the battle of Armageddon. It goes to show that even a softie who just wants people to be nice to each other can only be pushed by evil so far.
And proceeds to one-shot the entire enemy army single-handedly.
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Subverted in Record of Ragnarok, where Jesus is presented as a normal human (albeit an influential peer of the Buddha, who is portrayed as a Deity of Human Origin) and is simply a spectator of the fights.
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The Last Resurrection contains a fireball-hurling Jesus as its Big Bad.
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Saturday Night Live took this to its logical extreme with a trailer for a mock Quentin Tarantino movie called Djesus Uncrossed where Jesus seeks revenge on the Romans who killed him.
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Robot Chicken did a similar joke, except it was a parody of Kill Bill that replaced the Bride and Bill with Jesus and the Easter Bunny.
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"Hitler, I'm going to kick your ass in the name of the Father, Myself, and the Holy Ghost," said Jesus.
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According to a bit of 40K fluff, Jesus was highly likely one of the many pseudonyms of The Emperor of Mankind. Jesus must have been feeling incredibly merciful when He only used a bullwhip at the temple. But it's probably just because bolters hadn't been invented yet..
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 Warhammer 40,000 (Tabletop Game)
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Kung-Fu Jesus
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Left Behind: At the end of the series, Jesus comes to Earth and kills all of the bad-guys by reciting Bible verses that cause them to explode into Ludicrous Gibs. Apparently there was some discussion/debate between the authors as to how literal this should be. The slacktivist Deconstruction of the novels has coined the term Turbo Jesus (Short for Turbo Robo Killer Jesus-2000 with his deathly deathrays of deathlyness) for this version of Jesus, while the deconstruction of the kids-books prefers to call him Zod. Neither is very pleased with this interpretation of Jesus, especially since the Left Behind authors insist that they are only writing what Jesus really will do soon.
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The Empath: The Luckiest Smurf mini-story "It's The End Of The World (As Tapper Knows It)" parodies the scene of the Lord's coming in Left Behind, where what presumably is the Lord speaks "I AM WHO I AM!" and all the amassed forces of the Antichrists (mostly all Smurfs) are turned into "a big puddle of chunky Smurf salsa."
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God Hand is based almost entirely around this concept. In the game's backstory, demons invaded the world but were defeated by a man (the God Hand) wielding the power of God in his fists. The player character, Gene, inherits some of the God Hand's powers and has to beat the tar out of demons to save the day.
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Kung-Fu Jesus
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Adapted for M.U.G.E.N.
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Kung-Fu Jesus
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In Ethereal Snake's "Jesus' Betrayal: What Really Went Down", Jesus unleashes a series of wrestling moves on Judas after realizing he sold him out.
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Kung-Fu Jesus
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Also according to Michael in the After Hours episode about The Matrix. More specifically, Michael calls Neo "Kung-Fu Super Jesus".
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South Park has done this right from the beginning—before they had a TV show, the "Spirit of Christmas" short depicted a Kung Fu battle between Jesus and Santa Claus.
Jesus stormed an Iraqi prison to rescue Santa Claus but was killed by an Iraqi later in the episode. The boys and Santa escaped to South Park, at which point Santa gave a speech to the assembled townspeople, urging them, from this point on, to remember Jesus on Christmas.
Then taking down the head of the Catholic League with the Glaive from Krull, complete with an epic Glasses Pull, and leading the forces of Imagination in the final battle Aragorn style. Jesus is a badass in South Park.
He Took a Level in Badass, since his initial appearances had him a little meek, and got his ass handed to him by Satan in a boxing match (before Satan threw the fight).
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 Kung-Fu Jesus / int_dbb68ab6
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Aslan is Narnia's resident Jesus Expy/allegory, and HE. IS. BAD. ASS. Jesus Christ is a lion, get in the wardrobe! He seems to be part-Jesus and part-God, given that he actually displays world-creator powers. Trinitarian theology holds that all Three Persons had/have a role in Creation. The Prologue to the Gospel According to John says of the Word that "all things were made through him, and without him nothing was made that was made."
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According to Honest Trailers, Neo is one example.
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One illustration in GURPS Powers has been called Fire Breathing Kung-Fu Jesus.
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Kung-Fu Jesus
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Family Guy
It turned out the sequel to "The Passion of the Christ was an action film, where Jesus was a gun-toting cop.
And one of their other random cutaways made him even more awesome. "For my next miracle, I'm going to turn water... into FUNK."
Did you know Jesus and Moses used guns to defeat the Romans?
Robot Chicken did a similar joke, except it was a parody of Kill Bill that replaced the Bride and Bill with Jesus and the Easter Bunny.
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In Alien Loves Predator Jesus plays baseball for the New York Yankees. Naturally, he's the star player.
 Kung-Fu Jesus / int_f7399068
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It turned out the sequel to "The Passion of the Christ was an action film, where Jesus was a gun-toting cop.
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The ultimate plan of the villain Altena in Noir is to make, or more accurately remake, a version of this where the titular Noir is a pair of maidens who help the downtrodden and slay the wicked.
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The following is a list of statements referring to the current page from other pages.

 Kung-Fu Jesus
processingCategory2
Comedy Tropes
 Kung-Fu Jesus
processingCategory2
Hidden Badass
 Kung-Fu Jesus
processingCategory2
New Media Tropes
 Kung-Fu Jesus
processingCategory2
Religion Tropes
 Kung-Fu Jesus
processingCategory2
This Index Knows Kung-Fu
 Noir / int_c9ca4e7f
type
Kung-Fu Jesus
 The Perry Bible Fellowship (Comic Strip) / int_c9ca4e7f
type
Kung-Fu Jesus
 GurrenJesus
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 Gurren Jesus (Fanfic) / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 The Worlds Translated Thus / Fan Fic / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 Big Human on Campus (Fanfic) / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 The Worm Protocol (Fanfic) / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 District 9 / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter / int_c9ca4e7f
type
Kung-Fu Jesus
 Who Killed Captain Alex? / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 Bailey School Kids / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 Book of Revelation / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 Left Behind / int_c9ca4e7f
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 Perelandra / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 Player Two Start / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 The Fabled Lands / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 The Four Gospels / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 The Inquisitor Cycle / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 Etrangere
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 GurrenJesus
seeAlso
Kung-Fu Jesus
 Ilasgoc
seeAlso
Kung-Fu Jesus
 JasonDavidFrank
seeAlso
Kung-Fu Jesus
 Jesus
seeAlso
Kung-Fu Jesus
 JuiceBoxHero
seeAlso
Kung-Fu Jesus
 Shaman King (Manga) / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 The Daily Show with Jon Stewart / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
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Kung-Fu Jesus
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Kung-Fu Jesus
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Kung-Fu Jesus
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 Ethereal Snake (Web Animation) / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 Jesus Christ In The Name Of The Gun (Webcomic) / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 Avatar: The Abridged Series (Web Video) / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 Bad JRPG: The Legends of Krys (Web Video) / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 Fist of the b0rf Star (Web Video) / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 Warning! Readers Advisory! (Web Video) / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 JesusChristInTheNameOfTheGun
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Kung-Fu Jesus
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Kung-Fu Jesus
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 Drawception (Website) / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 Paradise PD / int_c9ca4e7f
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Kung-Fu Jesus
 Superjail! / int_c9ca4e7f
type
Kung-Fu Jesus
 kungfujesus
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Kung-Fu Jesus