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Politeness Judo
- 357 statements
- 68 feature instances
- 79 referencing feature instances
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Human beings are social creatures and conditioned to respond in certain ways to social niceties. Oftentimes, these pre-programmed responses can slip by our conscious attention, resulting in us agreeing to something we hadn't intended to. Politeness Judo is the art of taking advantage of simple courtesy exchanges to get one's way. Note that this will often fail if the target has No Social Skills and doesn't respond with the appropriate formula. In comedy series and family sitcoms, it's not uncommon for a parent, friend, or love interest to vehemently object to helping the protagonist with something she wants to know or do. The Straight Man is usually being contrary because he's looking out for his own interests; though he might rationalize it as him "knowing better" or to help the protagonist, it's only rarely because what's asked is a truly bad idea. He'll rail and boast that nothing will change his mind, and there's no way that the protagonist will get his permission, help, or the information she wants out of him. The protagonist asks one simple question, cordially phrased and without shouting... and the Straight Man agrees nonchalantly. Usually he'll do a Double Take and realize he said yes offhand. He either forgot his original outrageously contrarian position, got thrown off by the polite tone, or was holding out for that "please". See also: Duck Season, Rabbit Season; Passive-Aggressive Kombat, Minnesota Nice, Japanese Politeness, and Compliment Fishing. Not to be confused with Verbal Judo or Outhumbling Each Other. Also not to be confused with Sugary Malice, which can look nice on the surface while being anything but. Can be a way of avoiding or negating It's Not About the Request, where one of the reasons why a person might refuse an order or request is because of the rude way they were asked. Someone who is Silk Hiding Steel will likely be skilled in this. Examples |
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| Politeness Judo / int_109f7814 | type |
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In Sherlock John is denying that he shot a serial killer when Sherlock calls him out on it. | |
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Narbonic: Mell, who's been sent to kill Dr. Narbon, thinks it over and decides that Dr. Narbon is far smarter than her and would see through any tricks she tried to gain entrance to the lair. Her method for getting in? Showing up at the front door with a box of wine and announcing exactly why she's there. | |
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Hark! A Vagrant has the President Of the United States use this on a mob of angry Canadians. "Don't worry, I know their weakness." Another comic on the same page shows a Canadian finding his wife with another man. All three immediately start apologizing to each other. |
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Subverted twice in the Space Tree episode The Sanctity. | |
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In one episode of Angel, Gunn needs to infiltrate a rich Japanese man's party, but is about to be picked up by the guards, who know he isn't supposed to be there. Seeing the host nearby, he very graciously greets the man, and presents him with a gift. The host allows them into the party. He then reveals to his accomplice that he was in fact counting on the host's Japanese Politeness to get them invited in in such a manner. | |
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Mad TV has a sketch about a serial killer the police have been unable to catch because he's so charismatic that they end up socialising with him and letting him go. | |
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On The Simpsons, Homer gets jealous of Flanders' family barbecue, resulting in the page quote. | |
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In Full House, DJ plots to get her dad together with a lady-friend of his, and recruits little sister Stephanie to help. Stephanie says she has a plan to get the lady to stay for lunch. The plan? They ask her. Subverted in another episode. Michelle appoints herself as some kind of manners sheriff for Politeness Week, and terrorizes the family by policing their interactions. This ends when she asks Stephanie for her cupcake, and Stephanie politely shoots her down. Michelle, confused, points out that she asked nicely and said "please," which is the correct way to ask for something. Stephanie points out that she was also being polite in rejecting her, telling her she may not have the cupcake. A disillusioned Michelle abruptly abandons Politeness Week, steals the cupcake off the plate, and books it out of the room. |
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In Samurai Pizza Cats: The main characters are trying to get a scientist's assistance, with the catch that he won't tell them what they need to do to get his help. It turns out all they had to do... was give up. | |
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In the Looney Tunes short "Deduce, You Say!", Daffy Duck (as "brilliant detective" Doorlock Homes) is unable to subdue the Shropshire Slasher with brute force. Porky Pig (as his assistant, Dr. Watkins) simply asks the Slasher to please give himself up, and the Slasher agrees instantly. When his mother (who apparently had the foresight to name him "Shropshire Slasher") comes in and scolds him, he escorts her home, saying, "I promised the nice man I'd turn myself in, muvver." "You always wuz a good boy, Slasher." | |
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In I Shall Wear Midnight, Tiffany follows up a sudden appearance in Letitia's room with a few remarks on her guard's unprofessional attitude, goes on to note that people are much less likely to scream for help if someone is talking to them, then speculates that it may be due to this trope. | |
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Stand Still, Stay Silent: The deaceased Christian pastor's strategy for handling the bunch of hostile ghosts who are trying to harm the crew is to welcome them as if they were long-expected guests. | |
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In Community, Annie convinces Jeff to help Pierce reconnect with his ex-step daughter via this trope. | |
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As ambassador and PR expert for the Inquisition, this is Josephine's specialty. She disarms people with sweetness and good breeding faster than most of the warriors can with their weapons. | |
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In Pillars of Eternity, a Watcher with a high enough Resolve score can infiltrate a group of cultists without bloodshed...by simply asking nicely if they can borrow another cultist's mask. | |
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In Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Trials and Tribulations: | |
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Xiaolin Showdown: Omi was trying to steal a pebble from Grand Master Dashi to prove his worth. In the end, after Dashi trounced every other one of Omi's attempts, he hands the pebble over without hesitation when Omi asks "May I please have the pebble?" Note that Dashi's phrasing was important. He specifically said that Omi would have proved his worth when he could get the pebble from Dashi's hand-not take the pebble from his hand. It was Omi's own preconceptions about what he should be doing in this situation that had him expending so much effort to finally reach a simple solution (which has bitten him in the butt before - in one episode Omi is the quickest to complete a circular obstacle course and "rescue" the toy puppy at the end by passing through all the obstacles, but Clay is judged by their teacher to be the winner because he reasoned that the puppy was behind him, and there was no reason to exert himself if he could turn around and snatch the dog from the jaws of death in about three seconds). The other reason Dashi chose to do it that way? "It was funny". |
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In Freefall Florence uses this to distract the guard long enough to steal the remote that he can use to put her to sleep. | |
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Attempted by the Ninth Minene in Future Diary when she demands the policeman Nishijima remove her handcuffs so she could go to the bathroom. She demands the first few times, then tries 'How about you remove them for a sec?' (or something similar), with a politer smile. It still fails. | |
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The Dresden Files In the first book, Storm Front, Susan gets Harry to agree to a date by playing her "reporter for trashy tabloid" role and asking him a series of easy questions, slipping the date one in near the end. Harry doesn't get what hit him, but the barman does (and as usual, wisely says nothing). Also happens a fair bit when they're dealing with denizens of the Nevernever. In Changes, Harry and some enemies accidentally fall into the hall of the Erlking who (sarcastically) refers to them as "guests". Harry quickly thanks him for his hospitality, binding them into a contract and obliging the Erlking to help him out. Being the Erlking, he is not so much annoyed by this as he is impressed, equating Harry to a wily fox. Also being the Erlking, he still almost manages to kill Harry without raising a finger. The only problem with this is how the hospitality extends to the enemies who landed with him, and they claim Harry sought to bring them here for the Erlking to attack. Harry ends up having to prove his claim is true by combat. |
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The Kingkiller Chronicle: In The Wise Man's Fear, Kvothe spins this into a respected position when he visits the Vintish court. As an outsider enjoying the Maer's hospitality, courtly etiquette suggests that the nobles treat him as an equal until they can determine how his pedigree compares to the Vintish ranking system. He draws this out until his assumed rank settles somewhere in the middle of the noble hierarchy, and the court remains none the wiser that he's a penniless commoner in his homeland. | |
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Any interaction between witches in the Discworld. Possibly as an evolved response against the sort of magical battle that could make Hiroshima look like a firework, two witches who completely loathe and utterly despise each other will make a big point of escalating politeness and bows that very nearly touch the ground. This is not a comfort to observers. When two wizards resort to extreme politeness, observers should duck for a deep bomb-proof shelter. | |
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In the James Bond novel You Only Live Twice, the head of Japan's secret intelligence service, Tiger Tanaka, explains to Bond that Japanese criminals will stop and surrender when ordered to by the authorities, because of the Japanese culture. | |
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If I Ruled The World: One of the regular rounds was answering questions without using the words 'Yes' or 'No'. In series 2, episode 4, the round began thus: | |
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World of Warcraft: During the Tyr's Guard questline, you and the paladins are sent back into the Nighthold to retrieve a data disc containing Tyr's memories. After several fruitless attacks on the boss, Valunei finally manages to get it by simply laying down her mace and asking nicely. | |
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The Order of the Stick: In "Hole in the Wall", Elan almost succeeds in getting an enemy to move aside for him just by asking politely — the enemy in question starts to comply just on reflex. | |
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One student on Not Always Learning asks the teacher to help them spell a word... in the middle of a spelling test. The teacher was halfway through spelling it for them when she realized. | |
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Touhou Chireiden ~ Subterranean Animism has this exchange. | |
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In Labyrinth, Sarah has to cross a bridge guarded by Sir Didymus. Sir Didymus adamantly refuses to let her because "Nobody is permitted to cross without my permission!" Hoggle gets over the bridge while Sir Didymus is distracted, and Ludo tries to brute-force his way across. Sarah had to think of another way and so simply asked for permission. Sir Didymus is surprised at this and stammers, "Ummm... yes?" Evidently nobody had thought to just ask before. | |
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In Dragon Age: Origins you meet a swamp witch who has made off with some documents you need. You can threaten her, try to smooth talk her or... ask nicely. She responds best to this, as does her mother. | |
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Played literally for laughs in Girls und Panzer das Finale. Miho defeats Murakami in a fistfight by bowing apologetically and catching her in the stomach, resulting in the latter being launched over former's head when she straightened up. | |
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The Powerpuff Girls (1998) In the finale every major villain up to that point had been fighting with the girls and amongst each other to get their hands on a key which would grant them legal dominion over the world. When the girls finally manage to get it back to the Mayor, he goes off on a speech about how they learned a valuable lesson about responsibility. Mojo Jojo takes this time to walk up behind him and ask to see it. Mayor casually hands it over. In a different episode, Bubbles gets a very powerful giant monster to leave town by asking it nicely after Blossom and Buttercup's alternating strategies (tactics vs. full frontal assault) don't work. Bubbles then turns on her bickering sisters: |
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In the Mass Effect 3 DLC Citadel, when Shepard needs to get past a locked gate, s/he finds a scared Volus hiding behind a window. Shepard readies his/her gun only to have the current squad mate knock on the glass and politely ask him to unlock the gate for them, which he does. | |
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In Gunnerkrigg Court as part of an assignment Kat and Antimony discover a labyrinth in the library in which resides a Minotaur. Instead of screaming and running, which most people would do, Annie politely greets the creature. It works out well for them. | |
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Drawn With the Night: Klein is forced to go before Princess Celestia at the toy fair, something he really doesn't want to do after being forcefully brought into Equestria and viciously interrogated and imprisoned by Twilight and Luna and thinks that angry accusations in public would give them the excuse they need to drag them back to Equestria at best, or silence him permanently at worst. When he appears at the princesses' table, he engages in an elaborate and archaic show of reverence, and politely but firmly tells them to stay out of his life, all while addressing them in an extremely sycophantic tone. The bowing mortifies the princess, and the cold shoulder proves to have more of an impact on them than screaming and yelling would. | |
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Politeness Judo | |
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In Gargoyles, Xanatos' first two plans fall through, so he brings up a third about tricking the gargoyles into doing the work for him. Goliath appears and reveals he heard it all, asking "I don't suppose you have a Plan D?". Without missing a beat, Xanatos implements Plan D: asking nicely for Goliath to do the task, pointing out how it's in his best interests as well. This one didn't work either. Goliath initially refused his request. Once Goliath had had a little while to calm down and consider the request, he changed his mind and agreed. | |
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In the Kaeloo episode "Let's Play Musical Chairs", where the characters are, well, playing musical chairs, Mr. Cat and Stumpy find themselves vying for the last available chair. Mr. Cat says "After you," and Stumpy politely responds with "No, after you," so Mr. Cat takes the chair and Stumpy loses. | |
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Happens a lot in Jane Austen's novels, in particular Pride and Prejudice - Elizabeth mostly uses it to get out of talking to people she doesn't like, and Miss Bingley tries and fails to get Darcy to pay attention to her with it. A bit of a necessity in Austen's day if you wanted to disagree with anyone. | |
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In one of the first episodes of Red vs. Blue, Donut being sent on a wild goose chase ends with him sucessfully taking the Blue Team's flag from Caboose. | |
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In the first book, Storm Front, Susan gets Harry to agree to a date by playing her "reporter for trashy tabloid" role and asking him a series of easy questions, slipping the date one in near the end. Harry doesn't get what hit him, but the barman does (and as usual, wisely says nothing). | |
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In Children of the Mind Peter Wiggin and Si Wang-Mu travel to a Japanese-culture planet which values politeness and humility. Wang-Mu gets into a contest of trying to be more humble and self-effacing than the old man they're interviewing. He eventually seems to relent and give up and Wang-Mu silently gloats, then realizes he probably ceded out of courtesy. | |
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In Bokurano, some officers from Japan's Self-Defense Forces are trying to get Koyemshi to let them investigate Zearth and gain a better understanding of it, but Koyemshi refuses. Tanaka then gets on Koyemshi's good side by addressing him as "Koyemshi-san", and politely asking him to investigate the robot. When he refuses her again, she withdraws her request and instead asks to simply observe the children piloting it as their guardians. Koyemshi's a bit impressed, and agrees to let them take a look inside. | |
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A Song of Ice and Fire: Sansa Stark is skilled in this... mainly out of necessity, and care of having most other means of attack and defence stripped from her in the hostile Decadent Court settings she finds herself plunked in. As a result, she's getting better at it, as well as some of the other skills in the Passive-Aggressive Kombat set. Throwing almost painfully correct manners and exceedingly polite phrases into the ring to box her opponent into semi-socially acceptable behavior remains her number one, go-to weapon of choice, however: no matter how many other skills she gains. She even manages to trip the invariably rude Joffrey up with this a time or two... when he's stuck with an audience. | |
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This exchange from Nukees, as Gav, who prides himself on being entirely amoral, turns to leave a church after a conversation with the Good Shepherd: | |
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In A Wizard of Earthsea, the last task the apprentice wizard Sparrowhawk must achieve before he leaves the school on island of Roke as a fully-fledged wizard is to discover the name of the Master Doorkeeper. Since a wizard will always protect the secret of his name, he thinks long and hard about what form of magic he could use to wrest the information from the vastly more powerful Master Doorkeeper. Eventually he goes before the master and admits he must give up, but only after asking one simple question: "What is your name?" The Master Doorkeeper cheerfully gives him the answer: politely requesting his name was in fact the solution to the test. | |
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In The Amazing World of Gumball episode "The Upgrade," Gumball and Darwin are riding on a new Bobert, chasing the plane that has the old Bobert. When Gumball proposes that new Bobert blow the plane's back door open, Darwin tells them that's too dangerous. The three of them pull up to the door, and Darwin knocks on it while politely asking for the door to open. It abruptly opens and hits them, knocking them off-course. | |
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Game of Thrones: Sansa's main weapon when she engages in Passive-Aggressive Kombat. | |
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When Zim, eponymous lead of Invader Zim, has Dib and Gaz captured on his space station: The Halloween Spectacular of Spooky Doom. "Backseat Drivers From Beyond the Stars": |
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This is the Polite Spy's power in the Team Fortress 2 Machinima The Polite Spy Saga. He's so polite that most other freaks don't harm him, and even the Ax-Crazy cannaballistic Painis Cupcake finds him too nice to eat. | |
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The My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic episode, "The Cutie Re-Mark," one of the most insidious and yet bizarrely effective ways Starlight interferes with history is when she genuinely reforms the bullies harassing Fluttershy, and thereby removes a central motivation for Dash to do the critical Sonic Rainboom. As Starlight anticipated, Twilight Sparkle finds herself put in the sickeningly impossible position of trying to undo this tactic for the greater good of restoring history to avert several Bad Future scenarios and finds that her conscience can't allow it. | |
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Academagia: It has least a few examples this trope in the various Adventures and Events, but the most egregious example is a game mechanic. With a very high Calligraphy skill your character has access to an Action called Create Formal Invitation. When this action is used on another student it's possible to create a written request so elegant in form and content that it compels the recipient to agree, basically allowing you to control them for up to two days! The only way to gain more control over another character is through Mastery spells, and that's a highly prohibited form of magic. Furthermore, unlike most other available ways to force NPCs to do specific things, it won't worsen your relationship or be considered a hostile act. | |
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In The Cinder Spires's first book, The Aeronaut's Windlass, Captain Grimm's good manners save his life twice unknowingly in his interactions with Ax-Crazy Madame Cavendish. She is hyper-sensitive to breaches of etiquette, and even though she recognized Grimm and was deeply involved in plans to destroy him, her etherialist compulsion forced her to remain pleasant in the face of Grimm's gentlemanly courtesy. | |
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The Amazing Race: This was one of the things that made Nat & Kat so effective on Season 17. In a game where even the most congenial people will lose it from time to time, Nat & Kat kept their decorum for the entire race, never even showing frustration with each other. | |
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Happens rather literally in one episode of Ed, Edd n Eddy, where Eddy and Kevin pretend to be nice to each other, shaking hands... and flipping each other onto his back in sequence ("After you!" *SLAM!* "No, I insist!" *SLAM!*). | |
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Subverted in Ant-Man. Scott tries this when Falcon catches him at Avengers headquarters, introducing himself and explaining he needs to borrow a device for a few days. However, since Scott is trespassing on a restricted facility, Falcon doesn't listen and immediately tries to take him into custody, which leads to a battle between the two. | |
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One episode of South Park contains an entire family that uses this trope, being so supernaturally friendly that possessing ill will towards them is fairly impossible. Two characters wonder what exactly happened after they started fights that ended by inviting/being invited to dinner. Answer: they're Mormons. | |
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In The Legend of Korra, Tarrlok interrupts Tenzin's family at dinner in order to speak to Korra. When Tenzin points out that they're in the middle of a meal, Tarrlok counters with the rules of Airbender hospitality saying to never turn away a guest asking for a meal. Tenzin is not pleased, but those are the rules of Airbender etiquette, so he reluctantly allows Tarrlok to stay (much to the chagrin of his wife). | |
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Mary Poppins: Mary wins a horse race by politely asking the lead racers to let her pass. Bonus points for the shocked look on their faces once they realize what she's done (though part of it could be she is on a wooden carousel horse, complete with brass pole bobbing in and out of the dirt track). Yes, she is just that awesome. | |
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In Changes, Harry and some enemies accidentally fall into the hall of the Erlking who (sarcastically) refers to them as "guests". Harry quickly thanks him for his hospitality, binding them into a contract and obliging the Erlking to help him out. Being the Erlking, he is not so much annoyed by this as he is impressed, equating Harry to a wily fox. Also being the Erlking, he still almost manages to kill Harry without raising a finger. The only problem with this is how the hospitality extends to the enemies who landed with him, and they claim Harry sought to bring them here for the Erlking to attack. Harry ends up having to prove his claim is true by combat. | |
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When Henry tries to invade the Toppats' base in the Stickmin Space Resort path from The Henry Stickmin Series: Completing the Mission, he gets past the first guard by simply stopping and asking for permission. The guard realizes a few seconds too late what happened. | |
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In The Demon Girl Next Door, while trying to invade Momo's subconscious Yuko can't get past a door specially designed to keep out demons. How does Yuko get through? By making a lunch box and politely asking Momo to let her in. | |
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In Bunheads, the girls are trying to sit together in a crowded movie theater. After various maneuverings the last obstacle is an old man who stubbornly refuses to be tricked or pushed into moving. Finally Melanie just asks him if he could move so their friend can sit with them and he does. | |
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The Family Guy episode "One If By Clam, Two If By Sea" has the guys storm the new British Drunken Clam in full Revolutionary War attire, spraying beer on all the patrons. How does the new owner get them to leave? | |
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Played more seriously in The Great Escape - Bartlett and Macdonald are questioned while trying to pass off as Frenchmen to get on a bus to Switzerland. They almost make it, until one of the Germans wishes them "Good luck" in English... and Macdonald responds with a reflexive "Thank you". It was Macdonald who had warned Bartlett about this trick. This really happened to an American POW. | |
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Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous: Ember appears to have the supernatural ability to induce this trope in anyone, including demons, simply by asking nicely and being nice to people. Characters like Seelah and Wojif are usually stumped when interacting with her, Daeran just gives up because his barbs do not even register and Ember has no buttons for him to push and even Nocticula gets upset by the fact that Ember will not seeing the good in them and ignores all their protestations. The only two people on Golarion who seem to be immune to this effect are Hulrun and Camilla. | |
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Done in an episode of Only Fools and Horses in a similar way to the Zen master below. In order to get a cheaper round, Del bets Mike the barman he can make him turn his hands over without touching them: | |
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The Goon Show: In "The Treasure of Loch Lomond", Neddie Seagoon is hiding from the police, and goes to extreme lengths to hide and disguise himself. He then opens the door to a policeman who asks "Neddie Seagoon?" Without missing a beat, Neddie says yes. Judging by the resigned tone of his voice, it is more an admission of his Critical Camouflage Failure. In "The Tay Bridge", Seagoon answers the telephone at the Scottish Labour Exchange. Afraid that the caller might offer him a job, he answers: |
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Hellsing - The Catholic Church Militant shadow organization Iscariot land in undead-infested London and run into the Protestant-backed Hellsing, with whom they butt heads at every excuse necessary. One tense dialogue later and Iscariot finds themselves escorting Hellsing head Integra because she was that damn good at asking nicely. | |
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