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Spice Rack Panacea
- 82 statements
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One of the staples of late-night advertisingnote And, these days, online as well, often said to be "discovered" by "a mom from Suburbia," and "Doctors Hate Her!!!" because she (apparently) knows something They don't want her to know. is the host of herbal remedies claiming to cure all known human ills. Having trouble shedding that last 10 pounds? There's an herbal pill for it. Can't concentrate or focus like you used to? We have magic plant extracts for that, too. Sex life not what it used to be? There's a whole forest of herbs for that one. (And with that much wood, how can you go wrong?) Only three easy payments! These herbal cures are always packaged similar to modern pharmaceuticals, using plastic bottles or sheets containing pills or capsules. However, none of them have undergone any FDA (or other-country equivalent) scrutiny since they don't claim to treat a disease (not even normal food safety requirements), as their disclaimers would tell you if you could read them. That doesn't necessarily mean they don't work, but it means that we cannot be certain that they do; and even if they do, there is also no guarantee of consistency, since plants vary widely in their potency. Testing by consumer protection agencies in several countries has shown that potency of herbal remedies can vary between non-existent to potentially harmful, even between different batches from the same manufacturer; and contamination with harmful substances such as heavy metals and pesticides is a frequent occurrence and the actual levels of the purported active ingredient might even vary. Equally important, there are often no warnings of potentially harmful side-effects, or interactions with prescription drugs, foods, or even other herbal pills; even when there really ought to be. It's wise to remember that Nature Is Not Nice and is full of things that are trying to kill us. In the U.S., a law has forced advertisements of such herbal remedies, which are not run through the Food and Drug Administration, to say as much at the end of their ads. Thus, you'll hear or see the following: "These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease." Which basically translates into "We just lied through our teeth" if the whole point of the ad was to imply that the remedy did "diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure" a specific disease. The above disclaimer has been derisively dubbed by the medical community as "The Quack Miranda Warning". Similar disclaimers are also legally mandated in several other countries, like for example in the Philippines which could go something like this: Ang TV Tropes ay hindi gamot at hindi dapat gamiting panggamot sa anumang uri ng sakit. (translation: TV Tropes is not a drug and should not be used for the treatment of any disease.) See also All-Natural Snake Oil. For something that actually works, see Panacea, or the more downplayed and plausible versions That Old-Time Prescription and Soup Is Medicine. Compare and contrast Side Effects Include.... Also consider the Placebo Effect, which means that even useless remedies can produce genuine results since Your Mind Makes It Real. |
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The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul: After Thor is injured by an eagle, Kate tries to clean the wound with disinfectant, but Thor refuses and names various herbal remedies that he prefers (including sedra, almond and apricot kernel oils, and bitter orange blossom). Luckily Kate has been in the habit of impulse-buying hand creams, conditioners and so on that contain just such natural ingredients, so she dumps them all into a bath for him to wash with. | |
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An episode of House from the first season deals with this. House has to prove that it wasn't his failure to keep good records that caused a nun to react unexpectedly to an allergy shot. After about forty minutes televised time, he figures out that the figwort tea she drank all the time caused that particular problem; figwort acts like a stimulant. Except not — it's a Red Herring. | |
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Harrow: The Victim of the Week in "Parce Sepulto" ("Forgive the Dead") is a health blogger promoting a mineral supplement she claims cured her of cancer. Unbeknownst to her, she never actually had cancer and the mineral supplement is loaded with heavy metals that have been slowly poisoning her. | |
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In the first season of Ugly Betty, Hilda is a saleswoman for "Herbalux", a company selling cosmetic products and snack bars. She makes quite a killing at the Mode cafeteria (full of people desperate to be thin) before they kick her out for operating without a license. Later, the company goes bankrupt after one of their products made a woman lose her hair. | |
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In King of the Hill, Hank reacts to herbal tea as if it was a form of illegal drug by calling it "dope". | |
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Discworld: King Verence of Lancre and Queen Magrat, for all their savvy and intelligence (Magrat is a herbalist), think that medicine containing "herbs" is better, something enterprising merchants like C.M.O.T. Dibbler (and his Ramtops equivalent Lobsang Diblah) are all too eager to cash in on, by shoving whatever random plants they find into bottles of shampoo and calling it a day. Nanny Ogg and Granny Weatherwax make use of this tendency often, with the former providing it as a reason why her scumble is a healthy tonic ("It's made from apples. Well, mainly apples."), and the latter explaining to certain folks that some of her medicines contain rare herbal ingredients, like akwa and sukrose. It helps that, on the Disc, when a witch hands you a bottle and says that it will cure your ailments, you'd better darned well believe that it'll cure your ailments. A particularly egregious example is "brose", which is a herbal concoction drunk by the Nac Mac Feegle in Carpe Jugulum to get them in the fighting mood. That this beverage is a psychoactive capable of affecting a people who have drunk fairie spirits, lamp oil and Nanny Ogg's Special Sheep Liniment (which is capable of decking a bear through contact high alone) with no discernible effect should have raised a red flag or two, but Verence decides that "it's herbal, so it must be good", and chugs the lot. The effect is... something to behold. |
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In New Tricks, Defective Detective Brian Lane switches from the powerful anti-depressants he normally uses to combat his OCD and paranoid manic depression to a holistic regime... and quickly becomes an unstable, nervous and paranoid wreck who's no good at his job. In her defense, the holistic practitioner he consults urges him to consult his medical doctor before making any shift in his medication or including her holistic treatments in his routine; Brian simply chooses not to listen. | |
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Dr. Sydnee McElroy of Sawbones fame has a saying: "Cure-alls cure nothing." A variety of "natural cures" claim to be able to fix a huge range of problems, even when the signs and symptoms are complete opposites (ie, diarrhea and constipation). As a rule, if a treatment promises to be a remedy for any conceivable issue, it's probably junk. | |
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A particularly egregious example is "brose", which is a herbal concoction drunk by the Nac Mac Feegle in Carpe Jugulum to get them in the fighting mood. That this beverage is a psychoactive capable of affecting a people who have drunk fairie spirits, lamp oil and Nanny Ogg's Special Sheep Liniment (which is capable of decking a bear through contact high alone) with no discernible effect should have raised a red flag or two, but Verence decides that "it's herbal, so it must be good", and chugs the lot. The effect is... something to behold. | |
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An episode of Law & Order deals with a doctor selling one of these as a breast cancer cure, with the result that one of her patients dies from complications of the disease. | |
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In the Futurama episode "Fry and the Slurm Factory", when Bender complains about feeling sick: | |
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An episode of Perfect Strangers has Balki mentioning "the Midolcrampabloatalis root that grows on the summit of Mt. PMSkalos" as a cure for something that ails Larry. | |
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Licorice root, often used in large doses to treat stomach problems and alleviate minor pains, is known to cause high blood pressure. As an episode of Chubbyemu's series elaborates, it's actually quite hard to get enough of it to start suffering from ill effects, at least in the United States, as most licorice sold there isn't actually real licorice, but licorice-flavoured candy. However, a case in 2020 that forms the basis for the episode certainly proved it was possible, as a man from Massachusetts ate so much black licorice that its active ingredient and its metabolite — glycyrrhizinic acid and enoxolone — wreaked havoc on his potassium levels by mimicking the hormone aldosterone, which controls the amounts of potassium, sodium and other important chemicals. Eventually, he dropped dead from a combination of his heart stopping and brain damage sustained during his cardiac arrest, as he had lost so much potassium that his heart couldn't beat properly. | |
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Midsomer Murders: In "The Sting of Death", a local apiarist claims to have cured his cancer through a regimen of honey and bee venom. He is now doing a thriving trade is selling the honey and venom as an alternative medicine. It turns out he never had cancer. It was a misdiagnosis. However, by the time this was discovered, he was making too much money to come clean, so he paid off his doctors to keep quiet about it. The killer turns out to be someone whose mother had the same form of cancer and eschewed medical treatment in favour of the honey and venom and died. | |
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