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The Three Certainties in Life
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Three things are certain in life, they say: death, taxes, and people understanding what this trope is about by the time they finish this sentence. The Three Certainties In Life can either be a Stock Joke or a Stock Phrase that is mostly inspired by the quote often attributed to Benjamin Franklin, "Nothing is certain but death and taxes." Because three is a magic number, appending a third item after "death" and "taxes" has the immediate effect of turning one person's observation of a perceived, frequently occurring event or incident into a punchline or poignant quip which shares similarity to The Triple. Occasionally, someone may list three things without "death" or "taxes" being one of them. In this regard, "birth and death" is a commonly seen variant. Another popular wordswap, attributed to Albert Einstein, is "nothing is infinite but the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not too sure about the universe..." See also: Rule of Three, The Triple, and The Last of These Is Not Like the Others. Compare: Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking and There Are Two Kinds of People in the World. |
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Cheaper by the Dozen (2003) has a variant. Hank notes, "All I'm saying is families are inevitable; they're like death or taxes." | |
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In the Might and Magic games, some NPCs state that there are only three certainties in life: Death, Taxes, and that you'll hear the comment about death and taxes sooner or later. | |
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In Reaper Man, everyone in Sheepridge suspects that Mr. Bill Door is probably a revenuer. When Miss Flitworth tells Bill Door this, his response is NO. NOT TAXES. | |
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The Simpsons In the episode "Sideshow Bob Roberts," Birch Barlow declares: The intro billboard for "Chief of Hearts" is a picture◊ of Mr. Burns with the text "DEATH AND TAXES: TWO THINGS I AVOID". |
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On Grey's Anatomy, the title character once remarked, "In life only one thing is certain, besides death and taxes... No matter how hard we try, no matter how good our intentions, we are going to make mistakes." | |
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The song "For Now" from Avenue Q has a lyric: Except for death and paying taxes everything in life is only for now. | |
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A Garfield strip had a variant: "Death, taxes, and teddy bears. Three things you can always count on." | |
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Married... with Children: When Al's touchdown record was about to be broken, he was so sure of it he declared it one of the three things he was certain of happening. The other two were that he'd sell shoes until the day he dies and Peggy would win the lottery the next day. | |
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In a 1993 story arc involving an inter-promotional feud between the WWE and USWA, Vince McMahon cut a promo in which he said that the three guarantees in life were Death, Taxes, and Randy Savage. | |
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In The Nostalgia Critic's review of Blues Brothers 2000, the Critic says "Here's the only thing certain after death, taxes, and everything you love either getting a shitty sequel or a shitty remake: commercials!" before going to a commercial break. | |
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The Undertaker once claimed that there are three things that can't be beaten: death, taxes, and The Streak. | |
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Prison Break: In the first season: Later: |
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A gag on Keeping Up Appearances once compared being invited to one of Hyacinth Buck... err... Bouquet's candlelight suppers to the inevitability of death and taxes. | |
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MatPat, creator of Game Theory, made a post on Twitter saying that the three certainties of life are "Death, Taxes, and the ice cream machine at McDonald's being broken whenever you want a cone." | |
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On Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, host John Oliver's introduction to a topic on death began, "Death, it's one of the few things you can't avoid, along with taxes and plugging in a flash drive upside-down on the first try." | |
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A vintage Sunday Peanuts comic strip where Lucy, holding a football, challenged Charlie Brown to name three things that are certain. Charlie Brown guessed death and taxes but drew a blank at the third...until Lucy pulled the football away. "It was so obvious, Charlie Brown." | |
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From Meet Joe Black, "...the truth is, joining John Bontecou is every bit as certain as death and taxes." This is said to Death himself in the guise of the eponymous Joe Black, who expresses some surprise and amusement at the saying. Later on made into a borderline stealth pun (Call Back? Ironic Echo?) when Joe Black impersonates an IRS agent. | |
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TV Tropes describes shipping as one of the fundamental forces of nature, along with Death and Taxes. | |
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One Zits strip had the father saying, "The only things certain in life are death and taxes." The teen continues, "And homework." The mom finishes it off by thinking, "And knowing I'll get stuck with the dinner dishes." | |
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Team 3-D (The Dudley Boys) had a T-shirt in TNA that had "Death, Taxes, Tables" on the back. | |
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In Epic Rap Battles of History "Ben Franklin vs. Billy Mays", Franklin asserts that his victory is more certain than death or taxes. | |
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Yasuo of League of Legends has his own take on this phrase as one of his jokes. | |
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Iain M Banks' The Culture series features a ship called Death and Gravity, which is spun off from the "death and taxes" phrase; after the Culture abolished taxes (and money), people say "gravity", instead of "taxes". | |
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