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Think of the Children!
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Moral Guardians (or a more loony Friend to All Children) using an argument to create a moral panic — doing something will somehow, indirectly, hurt children. Somehow. You don't have to make a rational argument as long as you can appeal to Mama Bears, Papa Wolves, Beloved Smothers, and Knight Templar Parents emotionally. This is a great way to rouse up an Angry Mob, and the best/worst part is you don't even need any proof of your target's guilt or innocence; just use Logical Fallacies to make your target out to be a monster, then use "the children" as a Chewbacca Defense (or would that be Chewbacca Prosecution?). In comedies, this type of character usually actually doesn't even care about the children at all, and in the worst-case scenario, is actually the one who's actively harming children while deflecting blame off onto others as a scapegoat. Sadly, this is a case of Truth in Television, as it is very easy for media and politicians to play the "it hurts kids" argument to get a law passed, regardless of whether the law is good or effective, or even if protecting children is the main purpose of it rather than a dubious spin to rally people's support in an election year. The fact that kids are far more likely to be victimized by someone already in their lives is conveniently glossed over. The New Rock & Roll is invariably greeted with this reaction — if it's something kids are doing that adults don't fully understand, it must be Eeevilll! All Gays Are Pedophiles is when this trope is used to condemn homosexuality. For justified examples, see Harmful to Minors and What Do You Mean, It's for Kids? |
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The argument is briefly brought up by Contrapoints in the episode Pronouns. When Ben Shapiro gives a "how can I explain trans people to my child?" argument, Natalie goes for broke. | |
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In [PROTOTYPE 2] the New Templar scientists will try to use this excuse to get you to spare them. This moment is very definitely Black Comedy, since, having been tricked into an extremely self-satisfied Smug Snake Motive Rant that enrages the Person of Mass Destruction protagonist so much that he actually refuses to pollute himself by consuming them, their excuse is a hilariously pathetic example of Blatant Lies. | |
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No: A pro-Pinochet "Yes" commercial says that "in the country of the No" there's no respect for possessions; this is demonstrated by a steamroller crushing things like TV sets and electric lamps. The voiceover says "Think about what you value most. Think of your loved ones," as the steamroller bears down on a little girl holding a teddy bear. | |
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Star Trek: Enterprise. T'Pol's mother isn't happy about her daughter's Interspecies Romance with Trip Tucker. | |
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During the Twisted Sisterz' (Holidead and Thunder Rosa) NWA Western States Tag Team Titles defense against Mariachi Loco and Lil' Cholo at Sabotage Wrestling's October 7, 2016 show, Cholo had Thunder Rosa in a Pendulum Swing with the intention of having her face go into Mariachi Loco's crotch, with Thunder shaking her head "no", and the commentator saying the same thing, until Mariachi simply stomped on Thunder Rosa's head. Then Holidead ran in, saying, "This is a family show, you pervert!" | |
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Not a straight example, but the very first chapter of Hero's Realm is called "Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children?" It does, however, involve some dubious acts like crossing border lines and promising to free prisoners to kill someone on grounds of kidnapping. | |
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The Simpsons: Helen Lovejoy is a parody of this kind of character. When something stirs public outcry in Springfield (which is often), she plaintively screams, "Won't somebody please think of the children?!" Ironically, her own child is a kleptomaniac hellion who gets sent to boarding school — but of course, Mama Didn't Raise No Criminal. Helen ended up stopping the Running Gag, mostly because her voice actress left the show and she had to be reduced to a background character. But she still gets the occasional reference to her former catchphrase, most notably when Moe says the line while Helen is in the frame. In "Brother's Little Helper", Bart gets his hands on a tank and appears to be aiming it at his school. Miss Krabappel deadpans, "No, stop, think of the children," and goes back to her cigarette. (Bart was actually aiming at an MLB satellite that was spying on the town.) |
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The Times of Harvey Milk: This documentary recounts among other things the fight against the Briggs Initiative, a 1978 effort in California to ban homosexuals from jobs as public schoolteachers. As one of Harvey's friends points out in an interview, it was cleverly designed to play on nebulous fears of child molesters attacking schoolchildren, in order to deprive gays of their civil rights. | |
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Master and Commander. Captain Aubrey gives a tongue-in-cheek version while rousing his crew to greater efforts during gunnery drill. | |
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The Condemned (2007) It actually has a character argue that the media should be censored so that nothing which would not be appropriate for children could be shown. No, really. And the movie's on her side. There's a scene where a reporter interviews Breckett about this mentality when it comes to his entertainment productions. Beckett outright defies the mentality by insisting that he will produce whatever the hell he wants to produce and if parents actually want to prevent their kids from seeing it, then they must put an effort in policing what the kids watch and purchase on pay-per-view rather than whine about it. And then he gets up and starts production of the titular murder.com event. |
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Professor Marston and the Wonder Women: What Josette Frank keeps bringing up as Marston explains his philosophy, and what the Moral Guardians bring up to justify censoring his works. | |
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iCarly: The girls ask the webshow audience for their coconut cream pie recipes, ending it with this line. Carly and Sam's beauty pageant Q&A strategy is "ending world hunger... for the children!" |
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The main reason why PhantomStrider did not include Where the Dead Go to Die in his Top 10 Worst Animated Movies video, considering that he only watched the first ten minutes of the film. He said that he would never forgive himself if a child looked that film up because he mentioned it. | |
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In Taz-Mania, the primary justification used by Bull Gator and Axl for anything they do is that they are doing it "to please the zoo-going children of the world". | |
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During a mid 90's storyline on All My Children about a high school teacher revealing that he was gay, numerous parents were up in arms and wanting to withdraw their students from his class. | |
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Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal has a Senator invoke this trope on the topic of gay marriage. | |
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In Beauty and the Beast, Gaston gets together an Angry Mob by saying that the Beast would eat the town's children. The audience knows that the Beast has no interest in attacking children, but the claims still scare the townspeople enough to march on the castle. | |
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Jonestown. When Jim Jones calls on his followers to commit mass suicide, he claims that their children will be tortured in concentration camps by the enemies now coming for them. One of his followers makes a futile attempt to object. | |
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In-universe example in Scrubs. Dr. Cox said this word-for-word to Turk in the episode "My Student" when he drops his pants. | |
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In Hyperdimension Neptunia Victory, and its remake Re;Birth 3, this is the sole motivation of Agnes, one of the Seven Sages and a parody of the kind of Moral Guardians that espouse this trope. On at least one occasion she talks the other Seven Sages out of committing certain acts - such as inciting all-out war between the CPUs in the hope that they all destroy each other - because of the impact it would have on the nations' children. | |
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In Fallout: New Vegas, the Courier can say this (and fail) in an attempt to convince Jack to start making "helpful chems" such as Stimpaks. | |
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The Music Man has a whole song ("Ya Got Trouble") creating a moral panic by playing on fears of the pool hall and what it'll do to their children. Billiards is okay by Harold Hill, but pool is trouble. | |
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Played completely straight in the last episode of the first season of Xena: Warrior Princess in which a guest-starring Ephiny cries out: "somebody has to think of the children!" | |
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Big Swole showed disdain for La Rosa Negra's entrance at Mission Pro Wrestling's Hell Hath No Fury event, citing the children in the audience. | |
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The reason why Shane Douglas hates Ric Flair so much: his total disrespect for women and drunken antics in front of children. | |
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The Right to Censor was the WWF's response to criticism by the Parents Television Council over the WWF's storylines and threats to boycott its sponsors, over storylines that frequently included extreme violence (including against women), profanity and scantily clad women. (The PTC had pointed out that children were frequent viewers of the WWF's television programs.) Led by Steven Richards, members of his faction – including Bull Buchanan, The Goodfather (Charles Wright changing his gimmick from the "Ho"-loving Godfather), Val Venis (whose original gimmick was of a wrestling porn star) and Ivory – frequently interrupted matches that involved aspects the PTC criticized, including Tables-Ladders-Chairs matches and matches involving scantily dressed women. In storyline terms, the group reached its peak when they began harassing The Kat (Stacy Carter, Jerry Lawler's then-wife) for trying to get naked on TV. In contrast, the Right to Censor members wore conservative uniforms: a white button-up shirt and black tie, with black slacks for the men (although Val Venis wore white slacks on occasion) and a long black skirt for the women, which parodies the look of a Mormon missionary. Notably, because WWF was making the requested changes while mocking them at the same time, the Right to Censor had a surprisingly good win/loss ratio (their victories were what spurred said changes). | |
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Guardian Cats and the Lost Books of Alexandria: Over sixteen centuries ago, mass book burnings spread through Alexandria. One of the most common pieces of propaganda was that books were harmful to children. They brainwash kids and make them think they're smarter than their parents. | |
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Dirty Rotten Scoundrels: One of the characters is a con artist pretending to be a prince in exile from a war-torn country. At the start of the film, a wealthy woman offers him her pearls to help pay for his independence campaign. He refuses at first, claiming the people of his country are too proud to accept charity, then "caves" when she tells him to consider the children. | |
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JewWario cries "won't somebody think of the children?!" to get The Nostalgia Critic and The Cinema Snob to stop throwing Cluster F Bombs at each other in Kickassia. Everyone gives him a strange look. | |
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In Poker Night 2, Max uses this line when Sam goes all in. Sam asks, "What children?" which Max can't come up with an answer to. | |
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A mild example in the original Miracle on 34th Street; when Doris Walker fires the Macy's Parade Santa Claus for being drunk on the job, she asks Kris Kringle if he can fill in. Initially, he refuses but after a few seconds thought decides to accept the job, saying, "The children mustn't be disappointed." | |
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Used depressingly straight in Queer as Folk (UK), where the parents of Nathan and Stuart attempted to silence their coming out through this: | |
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The Children's Hour is built around this. Mary's grandmother takes her out of her boarding school due to accusations that the two female teachers are having an affair. Due to her influential nature in the community, within weeks all of the other students' parents remove them from their school too. One of the scenes of the play and its second adaptation has Martha getting into an argument with Mrs. Tilford, who uses this excuse. | |
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In Dragon Age: Origins – Awakening, one sidequest entitled "Keep Out of Reach of Children" has you running around Amaranthine collecting bottles of Antivan poison on behalf of the local Merchant's Guild. The quest seems to be a Stealth Parody of this trope; the quest description mentions that the guild is concerned about the poison falling into the hands of children, though the guild is more than likely responsible for bringing the bottles into Amaranthine in the first place. | |
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In Horton Hears a Who! (2008), the kangaroo rallies all the other animals in the jungle against Horton with this cry. | |
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With regards to Australian attitudes, there wasn't a rating of R18+ available for video games until it was allowed in early 2013. Back then, if a game did anything that the ratings board felt was too adult, it was either cut or banned. Sometimes, these decisions made absolutely no sense. Fallout 3 was banned in Australia due to a drug being named Morphine rather than the violence. | |
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The How It Should Have Ended spoof of the teaser for Avengers: Age of Ultron has Iron Man exclaim this, while begging Ultron to stop quoting such Disney songs as "I've Got No Strings" in his creepy Machine Monotone voice. Instead of stopping, Ultron quotes the then-newest Disney animated musical, Frozen. | |
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Star Trek: Deep Space Nine In "Tribunal", the Cardassian attorney, Kovat, urges Odo to help O'Brien confess to a crime he never committed because, "Think of the children, Sir. Allow them to see a glimmer of enlightenment." This is pretty much an ongoing theme with the Cardassians; unfortunately the first time we see it used is when a Cardassian torturer brings his daughter to watch Captain Picard being tortured (in the TNG episode "Chain of Command"). He explains how the humans are inferior because "they don't love their children as we do." The two of them end up arguing over this trope, before the Cardassian gets irritated and starts torturing Picard again. Quark abused this trope once to goad O'Brien and Bashir to laying a game of racket ball by donating half the betting money to an orphanage. Also when Quark runs an auction to benefit the Bajoran War Orphans Fund in "In the Cards", minus a modest commission. Think of those poor orphans. |
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An episode of Arthur, "The Scare Your Pants Off Club!", has an organization called PAWS (Parents Against Weird Stories) ban Scare Your Pants Off books from the local library. Muffy's parents founded it because Muffy had a nightmare after reading the books and they hope banning the books will save other kids. When Arthur and his friends start petitioning, Mr. Crosswire refuses to listen, saying that he's doing it for the kids' own good. It turns out at the end that the books didn't give Muffy nightmares, but eating ice cream did. In an added bonus, it's also revealed that the Scare Your Pants Off Author, E.A. Depoe was really Mr. Crosswire's old English teacher, Ms. Mcword! This ultimately causes Mr. Crosswire to end his pursuit with PAWS. Ironically, the series itself seems to display this mentality at times. For example, we're shown that Arthur's parents don't let him watch PG-13 movies (even though plenty of real kids his age do) and this is portrayed as completely reasonable. |
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Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation: Mocked by the cynical, disgraced Captain Dax when one of his superiors berates him for having refused to follow illegal orders. According to Dax, cowards hide behind one of two things: orders and children. | |
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Much like Gaston, Castaway from Gargoyles asks potential Quarrymen if they worry what gargoyles will do to their children. | |
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Parodied in The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies. After the town is destroyed by Smaug, the people turn on the Master's toady Alfrid. He desperately yells this and even holds a child in front of him for protection. The kid promptly stomps on his foot and bails, letting the furious townspeople advance on him. Only Bard's intervention saves his life. | |
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In Assassin's Creed Origins, while convincing Bayek to take a sidequest, the minor character Mouse spews a load of rapid-fire arguments for it, which includes a completely nonsensical Think Of The Children. Bayek's response: "I would not want the children on my conscience." | |
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Rigby from Regular Show makes a bizarre attempt at this in a moment of desperation. | |
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Futurama: The Attack of the Political Ad in "Proposition Infinity" has a mother urging viewers to think of all the horrible things that would happen to children if robosexual marriage was allowed, "then imagine we said those things, because we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me." | |
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Played for laughs in Escape from Monkey Island, where Guybrush tries to use the "What about the children?" to Ozzie Mandrill and his plan to make the Tri-Island County a tourist attraction, Ozzie simply responds "What about them?", to which Guybrush admits that he hasn't thought that far. | |
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Elysium: "Do you have children, President Patel?". This is Delacourt's response to President Patel chewing her out for killing dozens of people trying to enter Elysium. This is also her rationale for trying to take over Elysium. | |
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In Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords after having a Morality Chip installed, normally Robotic Psychopath HK-47 will say this entirely without irony. | |
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One of the primary arguments towards climate change legislation is that we'd be leaving a better world for our children. As John Oliver pointed out, the fact that there is so much resistance to said legislation means our response to "think of the children" in this case amounts to "eh, fuck 'em". | |
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Parodied in the Invader Zim episode "Door to Door", where the plea to do what's best for the children is made by an obese, flaming mutant in Zim's simulation of a dystopian future right after he shoved a little girl into his pocket while devouring her doll. | |
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SpongeBob SquarePants In one episode, where the titular character suddenly goes missing, Sandy Cheeks rallies the whole town to find him (he was hiding underneath a rock, specifically Patrick's house). When they couldn't find him, Sandy gets more desperate, forcing them into hazardous, potentially deadly environments like "leech farms". One of the exhausted townsfolk invokes this trope, and Sandy says "That's a good idea! Use the children to crawl into small places you couldn't normally reach!". In another episode, Patrick lets his Balloon Belly hang out in public. A disgusted fish shouts "Dude, put that away! There are children here!" |
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When the trailer for Silent Night, Deadly Night was first screened, many parents believed a film about a serial killer dressed as Santa would scar children and protested in hopes it would be pulled from theaters. | |
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Parodied by Rainbow Dash in the episode "Bats!" of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. "Won't somepony please think of the cider?!" | |
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This excuse occasionally appears in the court show Caso Cerrado. For example, one case involves a guy taking a woman to court because she's raising her child with a husband and a girlfriend. His excuse for wanting to kick the family out of the apartment complex is that they're confusing others' children and traumatizing their son. | |
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In the book Heir Apparent by Vivian Vande Velde, the plot is put into motion by a group called Citizens to Protect Our Children. According to the protagonist, they "strongly believe that only G-rated movies should be made and libraries should only stock nice, friendly, uplifting books, which means nothing supernatural or scary. Which just about kills my entire reading list". They go after the gaming company that she's going to spend a gift certificate, under the excuse that violence and magic are inappropriate for their children. They later subvert their intended mission, because while the main character is in the game they break into the center and smash up the equipment, causing it to be susceptible to overheating which, unless the game is completed in time, will fry the girl's brain. She lives, though, and in the end, the head of the company (a boy about a year older than she is) says that "they're going to get their asses fried for endangering a minor". It's a take on how hypocritical censorship groups are, going after the companies when it's their kids that are going to the places in the first place! | |
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On the 8/30/2007 TNA Impact, Karen Angle, trying to find a Tag Team partner for her husband, tried to get Sting to go for it by saying they had the same values and talking about everything they could do for children with the influence that comes from being champions. Sting did become Angle's partner, but not because of Karen's sales pitch. | |
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Some More News: The topic of discussion in "Anti-Trans Bills and the Bigoted History of 'What About the Children.'" Specifically, how concern for children is often used as a cloak by bigots to enact their policies, from painting suffragettes as abandoning their children a century ago ("taking some time, from a day, to go vote.") to the modern-day bills that require children to be DNA tested and have their genitals inspected if they want to play sports, in the name of protecting trans children "from themselves." | |
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Robotzi: In one episode, F.O.C.A. threatens Mo with a gun for stealing his invention (which happens to be unstable). Mo begs for mercy by telling F.O.C.A. to think of the children, to which the latter responds that he doesn't have children. Mo responds that he was talking about children in general (ironically, considering the series itself is not meant for kids). | |
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All of the parents of South Park. Most notably the first time (in which they abandoned their children to go protest a cartoon show in another state) and the most extreme (after first building a wall around the town to protect their children, when they find out that most children are abducted by their parents, they send their own kids away to keep them from being abducted). Kyle's mother is by far the worst of them, starting World War III to protect her kids from movie profanity in The Movie. Then there's "Good Times With Weapons" where the kids get ninja weapons, and Butters accidentally gets a shuriken to the eye, but what are the parents up in arms about? Cartman being naked in public. |
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Buffy the Vampire Slayer "Gingerbread" has a demon that feeds on and propagates this by getting people to burn anyone unusual in sacrifice to it, often their own children for extra irony. In "Graduation Day" the Mayor threatens Buffy only for Giles to run him through with a sword. As he has Nigh-Invulnerability, the Mayor pulls out the sword while reprimanding Giles for using violence in front of children. |
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Utterly and shamelessly mocked (like everything else) in Rat-Man (1989): | |
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A common refrain of reviewer Angie, when faced by appalling behavior exhibited by local dogs in web serial Barkwire. | |
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This is pretty much an ongoing theme with the Cardassians; unfortunately the first time we see it used is when a Cardassian torturer brings his daughter to watch Captain Picard being tortured (in the TNG episode "Chain of Command"). He explains how the humans are inferior because "they don't love their children as we do." The two of them end up arguing over this trope, before the Cardassian gets irritated and starts torturing Picard again. | |
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