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Two Words: I Can't Count
- 472 statements
- 90 feature instances
- 54 referencing feature instances
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| Two Words: I Can't Count | comment |
Failing to count your words correctly undercuts the emphasis made by announcing the number of words a character plans to use, and makes the character look slightly more foolish. Counting is usually a simple task, and people usually only try one to four words when emphasizing their statements this way. So failing to count correctly moves the emphasis from the character's point to making the scene or character using it somewhat more comical. The key aspect of this trope is a dissonance between the words declared and the words used. Contractions like "can't", "won't", "ain't" can all be used for one/two words. A character that says, "Four words: It wasn't me." and a character that says "Three words: It wasn't me." are both counting their words correctly, even if they are counting differently. A character who says "Three words: It was not me." messed up, because even if they intended the contraction, they forgot to use it. Rarely, we have examples of the speaking character giving the right number, but getting "corrected" by another character who miscounted. The Super-Trope is Two Words: Added Emphasis, where a character, for any reason, prefaces their statement by numbering their words. |
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| Two Words: I Can't Count | fetched |
2023-11-12T13:16:59Z | |
| Two Words: I Can't Count | parsed |
2023-11-12T13:16:59Z | |
| Two Words: I Can't Count | processingComment |
Dropped link to BilingualBonus: Not an Item - FEATURE | |
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WaynesWorld2 | |
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| Two Words: I Can't Count / int_12ffd3e9 | type |
Two Words: I Can't Count | |
| Two Words: I Can't Count / int_12ffd3e9 | comment |
Used in the Megas XLR episode "A Clockwork Megas". | |
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| Two Words: I Can't Count / int_15aaf80d | type |
Two Words: I Can't Count | |
| Two Words: I Can't Count / int_15aaf80d | comment |
Tuca does this in the Tuca & Bertie episode "The Promotion": "Two words, Bertie: Confidence!" | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count / int_15aaf80d | |
| Two Words: I Can't Count / int_16c83de8 | type |
Two Words: I Can't Count | |
| Two Words: I Can't Count / int_16c83de8 | comment |
In Star Fox 64, if you fail to defeat all of the Star Wolf members in Fortuna (but shoot at least Wolf and Leon down), Pigma will tease you as he retreats by breaking "loser" into two words. | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count / int_16c83de8 | |
| Two Words: I Can't Count / int_196b618d | type |
Two Words: I Can't Count | |
| Two Words: I Can't Count / int_196b618d | comment |
In Pokémon Black 2 and White 2, call Hugh on the Xtransceiver before going to Reversal Mountain to ask where he is, and he'll count "Reversal Mountain" as one word, and then correct himself. | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count / int_196b618d | |
| Two Words: I Can't Count / int_1e328391 | type |
Two Words: I Can't Count | |
| Two Words: I Can't Count / int_1e328391 | comment |
When Rob Cantor won a Webby Award in the "Video - Comedy: Shortform" category for "Shia LaBeouf" Live, his acceptance speech was, "I never learned how to count."Explanation The acceptance speeches for Webby Awards are only allowed to be five words long. His speech was six. | |
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| Two Words: I Can't Count / int_1e7ca85f | type |
Two Words: I Can't Count | |
| Two Words: I Can't Count / int_1e7ca85f | comment |
Phil from the Hercules-themed world in Kingdom Hearts was always getting "two words" wrong. When he messed this up in Kingdom Hearts, Goofy, of all characters, even counted the words and got confused when he heard four instead of two. When Sora's confronts Cerberus... In Chain of Memories, it comes with a Lampshade Hanging: Then of course: And another one at the end of that level in that game: Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep has Ventus do the same thing Goofy did. |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
| Two Words: I Can't Count / int_261c8d3f | comment |
The Simpsons: Homer's reaction on being told that he has just won the astronaut position "by default" in "Deep Space Homer": | |
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| Two Words: I Can't Count / int_2a6ee2b0 | comment |
In the third season of Slings & Arrows, developing the rivalry between the musical cast and the young members of the King Lear cast has one of the characters suggest "Three words: Stink Bomb". | |
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| Two Words: I Can't Count / int_2c96ae0e | comment |
Hustle An exchange between Ash and Danny, where Danny is threatening a lawsuit and Ash is mocking his intelligence: In the episode "Eat Yourself Slender", where the mark is led to believe Mickey is an art dealer who isn't averse to stealing on behalf of wealthy clients: |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
| Two Words: I Can't Count / int_2d311a08 | comment |
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) had an example in "A Thing About Rats" when the head of a pest control company gave his reply to Baxter Stockman's offer in selling his Mousers. | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count / int_2d311a08 | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
| Two Words: I Can't Count / int_365c8886 | comment |
Hang Time: Episode "Trouble in Paradise," when Danny confronts Chris about "stealing" Julie (after pointing out that Danny can't say two words to her), Daddy responds that he has two words for him, and says four instead. | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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After the villain in Tank Girl screams in Tank Girl's face, she counts "your teeth" as one word. | |
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In Scrubs, JD is dismissing another character, and catches himself in the middle of his miscounted sentence, pointing out the additional number he needed. | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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In the pilot, Hank from Corner Gas counts "boycott" as two words. | |
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Animaniacs is a comedy sketch series that loves to subvert drama and often miscounts their words. | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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Magic in the Water: While talking on the phone, Jack says, "Two words, Al. Re lax!" | |
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In the first episode of Forever Knight, Nick Knight has been unwillingly partnered with Don Schanke, who is telling Nick he's a better cop thanks to his gut instincts. Just then Nick goes roaring up an alley because his vampire super-hearing has picked up a woman being murdered. When Schanke asks how he knew, Nick says sarcastically, "Three words: In-tu-ition." | |
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The Big Bang Theory: Raj suggests a way out of a jam to Howard, but gets confused because "3-D" is an acronym for three-dimensional. | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
| Two Words: I Can't Count / int_55382b6e | comment |
In mobile game Disney Magic Kingdoms, Phil's Running Gag is used yet again with his "I can't do that right now"-type message that pops up if a player tries to send him on a task/quest while he is "home" (welcomed but inactive) or already doing something: "I got two words for you: 'Not on your life!'" | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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Hoxton, in PAYDAY 2, adds "fucking" when describing the dangers of Thursdays in Hazelton Prison, but forgets to count it in the "two words" he's presenting. | |
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In James Bond Jr., Gordo proclaims "Three words: Gimme a break". IQ argues that it's four, but Gordo insists on counting "gimme" as one word. | |
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Ultra Fast Pony, in "The Longest Engagement", as Pinkie Pie is planning Cadance's wedding reception. | |
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Overwatch has a variant of this in the "Junkertown: The Plan" short: Junkrat explains his plan to Roadhog on how they'll get back into Junkertown after getting exiled, prefacing with how "There's twooooo things that solve every problem: money and explosives!" As he says "two", he's visibly holding up three fingers to Roadhog's face. Bonus points for how he's using his normal left hand rather than his artificial right one, so his goof can't even be pinned on some kind of malfunction. | |
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In the original Australian version of Kath & Kim, there's a Running Gag of Kath saying two or three words after saying, "Now, I've got one word to say to you, Kimmy..." The running gag climaxes with the following quote: | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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In The King of Marvin Gardens, Sally complains of David, "He's only got one thing. That's depression, suspicion, and mistrust," while counting to three on her fingers. | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count / int_7250d2bc | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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When he messed this up in Kingdom Hearts, Goofy, of all characters, even counted the words and got confused when he heard four instead of two. | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count / int_74a4c704 | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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Rocket Power used and lampshaded it in the episode "Mr. B is in the House"... | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count / int_757cf125 | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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The Action Man (2000) episode "Double Vision" has this done by Fidget towards Rikki. | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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In an episode of Seinfeld where George is trying to break his engagement to Susan, Kramer suggests, "Two words: pre-nup." | |
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Watch Your Stern: When Blissworth is pretending to explain the Creeper plans to Admiral Pettigrew: | |
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In Squidbillies, Pestilence (of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse) declared who he was in "one word": "Apocalyptic horseman". | |
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Phineas and Ferb: Candace says "I've got two words for you mum, Ge-la-tin!", followed by her mum looking confused. In response to Phineas urging Perry to drop them into a boiling pit of doom, Candace says: "Two Words: LA-VA!" |
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In Bloom County, the newly personality-reversed Steve Dallas attempts to convince his old, vapid girlfriend Quiche to look at things the way he now does, but she's not interested in playing along with his "one word" association game. | |
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The first season of The Office (UK), some of Tim's papers are on Gareth's desk and he makes a ruckus about it while Tim is on a sales call. Gareth doesn't miscount the number of words he's using, but he also tries to specify the number of syllables in his word as well. Sadly, "demarcation" is four syllables, not two. | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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Ali G In Da House has a character tell people their two words: "Keep It Real!". This is of course immediately pointed out that that's three words, and it's followed by a debate on whether "it" counts as a word because of how short it is. | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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So I Married an Axe Murderer: | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count / int_889526f4 | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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Armageddon (1998): When Harry Stamper uses reunites with A.J., he adds an extra word to the five he declares: A.J. also miscounts when talking to Harry, getting his number wrong twice: |
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In 30 Rock, Donaghy announces "one word: surge", and Tracy attempts to "correct" him. | |
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In Reservoir Dogs, Mr. Pink gives Mr. White a long argument about why waitresses should not be tipped automatically, before concluding with "Two words: learn to fucking type." | |
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In The World's End, after being asked how his mother's funeral was, Gary answers: "It's difficult to put into words. But if I had to choose three, I would say, 'Really, really sad.' Oh, no, that's two, isn't it? How about, 'Really, very sad'?". | |
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The King of Queens has a short gag with Arthur badly choosing his statements, culminating in his admitting that it wasn't working out when he predicted how many words he was trying to use. | |
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Reba: In the episode "Reba the Landlord", Van says "let it go" and "paper plates" quickly and insists on claiming each phrase as one word. Reba tries to correct Van once before doing it herself (using the phrase "let it go") late in the episode. | |
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Shawn gives Mr. Turner advice on how to fix his motorcycle on Boy Meets World and runs into a stumbling block as he stops at the correct number of words, but then realizes that he didn't say enough to make his point. In another episode, Minkus gives Shawn two words: "Antiperspirant", causing a confused Shawn to say, "That's six words." |
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In the ChalkZone episode "Poison Pen Letter", one of the conversations Rudy Tabootie overhears about Michelle's birthday party has a boy say "Two words: Nachos", with another boy replying that "nachos" are one word. | |
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In Kim Possible, when Ron and Monique are forced to do a project together and Ron blows it off, Monique asks why she should do all the work. Ron, who knows Monique cares about her grades, holds up four fingers and ticks off a finger with each word: "Four words: Grade point average". And then he licks some cheese he notices on the one remaining finger. | |
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SheZow: | |
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Played with in The Spectacular Spider-Man, where Peter isn't confused by JJ getting the number wrong, but that he was able to get it right: | |
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On an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000, Joel is complaining, and Dr. Forrester responds with "Two words, Joel: Get Overit", even extending a finger for each "word". | |
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A variant occurs in the Ben 10 episode "Goodbye and Good Riddance" when Grandpa Max says "Actions speak louder than words, and I've got three of them: Aim and fire". "Aim and fire" is three words, not three actions. | |
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Cow and Chicken episode "Bad Chicken" has three examples, including one where the character realizes how they miscounted, but miscount a second time as well. | |
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NewsRadio: Jimmy announces that he's going to build a 200-story building. When Joe questions if that's even possible, Jimmy answers, "I have two words for you: mon-ey and lots of it." | |
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During Toy Story 2, Stinky Pete was explaining the reason for the declining popularity of Woody's Roundup; "Two words: Sput Nik." Stinky Pete was referring to unmanned Russian satellite Sputnik, the beginning of the "Space Race". | |
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From The West Wing: During a presidential debate Bartlet's opponent Robert Ritchie (a Bush parody) claims that Bartlet will try and excuse high federal costs with one big word: 'Unfunded Mandate'. In his rebuttal, Bartlet is quick to point out that that's actually two words, undercutting Ritchie's dramatic statement. The series lampshaded a Vinick adviser's mistake in the season six episode "In God We Trust". The adviser recommended that the senator continue to repeat four words, but Bartlet pointed out there were five words in the statement. |
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Darths & Droids: Keybounce's guest commentary below page 1644 begins with "I have two comments on this strip." A numbered list follows, with four items. Number Four is "I can't count." | |
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The Nostalgia Chick reviewed Armageddon (1998), where Harry Stamper did more than just "two words" at a time. Always messing it up. One in particular ("AJ, I got just five words for you: Damn glad to see you boy!") had The Nostalgia Chick baffled and starting to count. | |
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The Fairly OddParents!: In "Something's Fishy", when Cosmo told Timmy about "mouthwash", but counted it as two words, until Wanda corrected him, prompting him to repeat the word. Schnozmo, Cosmo's brother, does this almost everytime he speaks. |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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This is disputed in Psychonauts when Raz to asks Ford for help: "Two Words: Ca-caw!" The two enter a debate on whether this is really one or two words due to the hyphenation. | |
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The Commish: One episode opens with Tony on the phone to a friend inviting him out to dinner, when the friend refuses, Tony wants to know why. The friend attempts to be succinct, by using "forget about it" as one word. | |
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In the Jelly Jamm episode "Operation Save Jammbo", Goomo suggests a solution to Planet Jammbo's trash problem - "Two words - re-cycle!" Mina promptly corrects him, pointing out it's just one word. | |
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Rocky and Bullwinkle One character: Another one: |
|
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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Fast and Loose, from the producers of Whose Line Is It Anyway?, adds quickfire games in between the actual games by simply posing questions to the players like "Describe Yourself In Three Words": | |
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Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: In the COVID vaccine episode: | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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On Garth Marenghis Darkplace: Character splits "telekinesis" into two words. | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep has Ventus do the same thing Goofy did. | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count / int_b0ec0986 | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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Rosalie Murray, in Agnes Grey, describes Mr Weston negatively. Her animosity leads her to describe four negative traits instead of the three she announced. She corrects herself immediately after. | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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In the episode "Eat Yourself Slender", where the mark is led to believe Mickey is an art dealer who isn't averse to stealing on behalf of wealthy clients: | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count / int_b5b4b976 | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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In the The Monkees episode "Monkee vs. Machine", Mike tells Peter not to argue with him, and Peter immediately disputes with him over the pedantry of his statement. | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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Baby Driver: Bats does this, counting off each world and promptly Lampshades it: | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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SpongeBob SquarePants: Spongebob is surprised to see Patrick and asks his friend why he's here, and Patrick splits "nachos" into two words. | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count / int_bc848d30 | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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Lost Girl: Bo, in episode "The Mourning After", tries to recover from his miscounting by claiming the words were hyphenated, which makes them two single words. | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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The Dreadful has Liz planning to join a mostly non-human faith. She misunderstands most of the facts of this faith, emphasized when her answer to one question is simply "Two words: Polygamy." | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count / int_c515c1d | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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In Moving Pictures, the word "impossible" is counted as two words by a secondary character. Fans assume this is a reference to legendary Hollywood producer Samuel Goldwyn, malaproper and simile-mangler extraordinaire. | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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Monty Python's Flying Circus has a prolonged example: | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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True Lies: One of the characters breaks the word "insane" into two words: "Okay, I've got two words for that: In. Sane." | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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In Midnight Run Walsh is grows aggravated by Mardukas' nagging, finally telling him to "shut up". | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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Johnny Bravo: The episode "Beach Blanket Bravo" has Johnny say this to a poorly-disguised shark. Johnny does it again after becoming mayor in "Hail to the Chump. |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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Big Fat Liar: In the awful movie-in-a-movie, Whittaker and Fowl, Whitaker is told "shut the heck up" is two words. | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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In Sonic Lost World, Sonic says to Zomom: | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count / int_d642b0d5 | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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Sometimes in Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp, Filbert or Punchy will make this mistake after fulfilling a request. | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count / int_df9304a8 | |
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Two Words: I Can't Count | |
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In Dude, Where's My Car?, after Jesse and Chester get thrown out of the twins' house, one of the characters splits the word "management" into two words. | |
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Homestar Runner: In the Strong Bad Email "for kids", Strong Bad reacts to seeing Homsar's TV show for preschoolers, doing a version of this joke that lasts nearly twenty seconds and even hanging a lampshade at the end. | |
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Inverted in Buffy the Vampire Slayer when Buffy demands Spike explain what he is doing in five words or less. | |
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In the Jacksfilms video "Your Grammar Sucks #60", one of the atrocious comments is "I can sum it up in three words. Evolution is a lie", a quote from a user on a Christian forum. This promptly gets Lampshaded by the singer, who stares in disbelief at the other versions of himself onscreen. | |
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The Runaway Guys' playthrough of New Super Mario Bros. U Lampshade the effect when they encounter Miiverse posts that begin with "Two words:" and follow it with a different number of words. One of Jon's own posts is the same as the trope name. | |
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Kara DioGuardi, the new judge on American Idol, critiqued a contestant with "six words: one of the best performances of the night." Ryan Seacrest mocked her on the next episode by introducing her as "three words: Kara DioGuardi." | |
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How I Met Your Mother: Narrowly subverted by Robin on one occasion. | |
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Marty says this at random when he falls onto an ink-covered road in Madagascar: The Video Game: | |
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Friends episode "The One With The List" has Joey make a suggestion to a girl, mistaking the word "threesome" for two words. | |
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In Chain of Memories, it comes with a Lampshade Hanging: | |
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In Hill Street Blues, one detective tried to remind another why they should stay away from a flirty high-school girl, but they made "statutory" two words. | |
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