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Acts of Gord (Website)
- 226 statements
- 42 feature instances
- 20 referencing feature instances
| Acts of Gord (Website) | type |
TVTItem | |
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Acts of Gord (Website) | |
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ActsOfGord | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) | comment |
Gord is a local deity. Very local. He's a regular guy who owns a game store, and that makes him God over that store and its customers. Well, technically no one ever claim that Gord would be a god; it's just that the whole story of how he's running the store and deals with all kinds of moronic customers is written in the form of scripture. The nickname "Gord" helps as well."Acts of Gord" is an archive of anecdotes about the Gamer's Edge Video Game shop in Penticton, British Columbia, Canada. Basically, this site is a mix of sarcastic storytelling and a Not Always Right focused on the rise and fall of a single retail establishment. | |
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Dropped link to CalvinAndHobbes: Not a Feature - ITEM | |
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Dropped link to GoldenEye1997: Not a Feature - ITEM | |
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Dropped link to StealthInsult: Not a Feature - ITEM | |
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Dropped link to Troll: Not a Feature - IGNORE | |
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Dropped link to WouldNotHitAGirl: Not a Feature - UNKNOWN | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_15b2cab3 | type |
Tempting Fate | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_15b2cab3 | comment |
Also the Guardian's Assistant in the final book, Apocalypse. When a plan to steal all the assets of the (currently overseas) Gord relies ENTIRELY on keeping his friends and contacts from knowing anything strange is going down at Gord's store, bragging to everyone you know that you're planning to steal all of the Gord's assets (and that Gord can't do a damn thing to stop it) probably isn't the smartest plan. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_1869b4b1 | type |
Unreliable Narrator | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_1869b4b1 | comment |
Unreliable Narrator: Don't take the site too seriously. The Gord is clearly exaggerating a few details for the sake of comedy, and leaving out details to make himself look better. At the same time, he still comes across as humorous enough that it doesn't really matter. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_19769f50 | type |
Defeat Means Friendship | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_19769f50 | comment |
Defeat Means Friendship: The Thief from Villainy ch. 3. Gord allowed him to pay (the exorbitantly marked up thief-bait price) for the game he stole, rather than press charges, and the Thief, impressed by Gord's mercy, evidently, became a regular (and proper) customer. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_1e679bd0 | type |
The Quisling | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_1e679bd0 | comment |
The Quisling: The Guardian. When the Gord was out of town, the Guardian stabbed the Gord in the back and tried to have Gamer's Edge liquidated. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_1e7c47ab | type |
Stealth Pun | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_1e7c47ab | comment |
Stealth Pun: When the store was being shut down, it acquired the sign "Closed for taking inventory". Well, yes, the inventory was being removed from the store... | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_24321e44 | type |
Only Sane Man | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_24321e44 | comment |
Only Sane Man: Gord and his coworkers seem to be this for the city of Penticton, judging by the huge amount of idiots/lunatics/criminals that come into the store. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_35a858b3 | type |
Cluster F-Bomb | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_35a858b3 | comment |
Cluster F-Bomb: Oddity — a parent on how the profanity in Grand Theft Auto is a bad thing. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_3d699462 | type |
Curb-Stomp Battle | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_3d699462 | comment |
Curb-Stomp Battle: Gord towards pretty much every thief or jerkass that tries to take him on. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_407d3e6d | type |
Morton's Fork | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_407d3e6d | comment |
Morton's Fork: The Gord places the Guardian and the Landlord in this at the end of the Book of Apocalypse. After finding out that the Guardian was going to get Gord's business shut down on fraudulent charges of late rent, the Gord had his friends break into his own store and take everything that wasn't nailed down. The Guardian and the Landlord came back to an empty store the following day, leaving them in this situation. If they do nothing, they lose their jobs over failing to get any assets from the Gord's store. If they report the theft, they still lose their jobs because they'd have to expose their fraud scheme (and would likely go to jail). | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_40bb59d0 | type |
Blatant Lies | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_40bb59d0 | comment |
Blatant Lies: Several examples, but special mention goes to the guy who claimed that he had an arrangement with the store's previous owner where he got all his games at half price. Gord was the founder of his store; there had never been a previous owner. Gord counters with some Blatant Lies of his own by claiming that he is aware of the arrangement and would be happy to honor it, just as soon as the guy pays off the several hundred dollars in (nonexistent) late-fees first. Unsurprisingly, the guy desists with his scheme and quickly leaves. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_40cbee83 | type |
Wretched Hive | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_40cbee83 | comment |
Wretched Hive: Judging by how many of Gord's customers are thieves, criminals, idiots, or outright lunatics? One wonders if there was still lead in the water in Penticton when the stories take place... | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_40cc0c7e | type |
Bittersweet Ending | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_40cc0c7e | comment |
Bittersweet Ending: The end of the Apocalypse Book. Despite the victory, Gord hasn't returned to the game-retailer world since, leaving only what's written on the site. On the other hand, Gord seems to be very happy with his new life. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_43a46119 | type |
Surrounded by Idiots | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_43a46119 | comment |
Surrounded by Idiots: Apparently, Penticton in The '90s and the Turn of the Millennium was a Wretched Hive of thieves and idiots. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_453871ec | type |
What Could Have Been | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_453871ec | comment |
What Could Have Been:invoked Gord had planned another thief trap, which was a GoldenEye 007 cartridge that had been horribly mistreated, dirtied and badly cleaned by its past owner. Gord had planned to rig up a load of capacitors that would discharge 50000 volts of electricity, in the same manner as a taser, into the N64 that was unfortunate enough to run it, destroying it from the inside. After setting it up the death cart would have been left on the counter to be stolen. Sadly the plan never came to fruition as the screwdriver set the Gord needed to open the N64 cart didn't arrive in time before he departed overseas. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_535865be | type |
I Resemble That Remark! | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_535865be | comment |
I Resemble That Remark!: In Book of Annoyances, Chapter 23, a reporter asks Gord, the owner of a video game store, for a quote for the front page of the newspaper, pertaining to video game violence and its impact on society. Gord replies, "Video games don't make people more violent, and I'll kill anyone who disagrees." After a dramatic pause, the reporter replies that he doesn't think his editor can print that. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_6e8a4791 | type |
Heroic Comedic Sociopath | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_6e8a4791 | comment |
Heroic Comedic Sociopath: Generally speaking, Gord's style, in the manner of Bastard Operator from Hell. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_77494f30 | type |
X Days Since | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_77494f30 | comment |
X Days Since: In one of the stories, he comes up with the idea of having an "X days since I've had to deal with an idiot" sign. The idea being that while dealing with an idiot, he would sigh and flip it back to 0, right in front of them. He hoped the customer would be offended enough to leave. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_7eb73553 | type |
Bullying a Dragon | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_7eb73553 | comment |
Bullying a Dragon: The FIFA kid, who learned the hard way that stealing from, then picking fights with, two guys who are twice your size (and adults) isn't a good idea. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_7fbe9a30 | type |
Freak Out | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_7fbe9a30 | comment |
Freak Out: Some customers seem to do this over the tiniest things. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_89d001bf | type |
Do Wrong, Right | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_89d001bf | comment |
Do Wrong, Right: As detailed in the Book of Villainy: "If you're going to steal games, at least steal good games!" The Gord frequently admonishes would-be thieves both for the act of trying to steal from him, and for stealing something of such low value. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_8c681acc | type |
Third-Person Person | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_8c681acc | comment |
Third-Person Person: The Gord. He never uses first-person anywhere on the site, only referring to himself as "the Gord" in every entry. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_8d0785d5 | type |
Didn't Think This Through | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_8d0785d5 | comment |
Didn't Think This Through: "Think, THEN steal. Think, THEN steal." Also, the would-be-thief who used a company van as a getaway vehicle. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_8e0bedfe | type |
Kid Sidekick | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_8e0bedfe | comment |
Kid Sidekick: Demi-Gord. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_97b4c1fd | type |
Cut Himself Shaving | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_97b4c1fd | comment |
Cut Himself Shaving: Nearly invoked by the principal when a thief that Gord and a Demi-Gord confronted at School Started bragging that Gord and Demi-Gord were lucky the Principal showed up. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_9f62723d | type |
Get Out! | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_9f62723d | comment |
Get Out!: The usual response to those practicing extreme idiocy or people requesting something illegal. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_ae3d6438 | type |
Deadpan Snarker | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_ae3d6438 | comment |
Deadpan Snarker: The Gord. His stories frequently revolve around mocking or snarking at various people, especially people who try to wrong him. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_b3a0852b | type |
Animation Age Ghetto | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_b3a0852b | comment |
Animation Age Ghetto: There is one section where this happens. Two children try to rent an anime named Ninja Scroll that, due to its nature, is not a "family film". So thus he has to allow the kids' dad to come in to rent the film and he complains about having to come in "just so they could rent a cartoon". Gord warns him numerous times that the film is NOT suitable for children whatsoever, but he rents it anyway. Then he comes back and yells at Gord for renting pornography to his kids. invoked | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_b579ecc6 | type |
Gave Up Too Soon | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_b579ecc6 | comment |
Gave Up Too Soon: People reading the Acts of Gord seem to have a lot of trouble finding the last book, the Book of Apocalypse, when there is a link in the new words "The End..." on the sidebar of the last "non-hidden" chapter, which one immediately notices if they've been reading all the stories, especially if they've been looking at the sidebar facepalm quotes. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_b58b4e3c | type |
Too Dumb to Live | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_b58b4e3c | comment |
Too Dumb to Live: More than a few of Gord's customers. Special mention goes to the "Hey... FIFA." kid and the guy who used Gord as a work reference despite never working there and having never returned games he rented. Also the Guardian's Assistant in the final book, Apocalypse. When a plan to steal all the assets of the (currently overseas) Gord relies ENTIRELY on keeping his friends and contacts from knowing anything strange is going down at Gord's store, bragging to everyone you know that you're planning to steal all of the Gord's assets (and that Gord can't do a damn thing to stop it) probably isn't the smartest plan. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_c5f0119c | type |
Insane Troll Logic | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_c5f0119c | comment |
Insane Troll Logic: Gord has to contend with this on a regular basis. Luckily, since he's the owner of the store, he can get away with frequent amounts of snark and admonishing to anyone who tries it. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_c75df49a | type |
Shout-Out | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_c75df49a | comment |
Shout-Out: To Al Bundy in this Vengeance story. Gord also took inspiration from Al Bundy in planning a "vacation". The usually facepalming image of Gord drawn like Calvin. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_caf89e54 | type |
Taking You with Me | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_caf89e54 | comment |
Taking You with Me: When his store was being closed and robbed, Gord robbed himself. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_cc247b2d | type |
Unsatisfiable Customer | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_cc247b2d | comment |
Unsatisfiable Customer: The Gord gets quite a few of these. A primary source of humor from the tales is Gord being such a Deadpan Snarker that it makes the bad customers even angrier. If a customer ever threatens to sue Gord, shut down his store or beat him up, Gord's default response tends to be calling their bluff. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_cef6a167 | type |
Second Place Is for Losers | |
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Second Place Is for Losers: | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_d1affec1 | type |
That Came Out Wrong | |
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That Came Out Wrong: | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_d2c0e2ed | type |
Schmuck Bait | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_d2c0e2ed | comment |
Schmuck Bait: On numerous occasions, Gord would price crappy games higher than they were worth, or place broken hardware in tantalizing places, just to see if someone would steal them. Another favorite pastime of Gord's is to take old crappy games and tag them with a sign that says, "Hey, I suck! Buy me!" The author notes with amusement that any game the sign is placed on sells out within a couple of days. The most obvious piece of bait was a completely inoperable PS1 complete with a note in place of the laser assembly mockingly "congratulating" would-be thieves on stealing broken PlayStation, which the employees "enshrined" in old PlayStation boxes just outside the store, with a little sign saying "Please don't steal me. You're being watched. -Mgnt." Only one person picked up the console, and quickly set it back down before running off. Then there was the broken GameShark that he deliberately positioned to be an incredibly easy target for shoplifters - anyone who stole it and actually used it would get a blown out expansion port for their efforts. The next week saw a sudden influx in consoles needing repaired expansion ports, profit! Another was planned involving a booby-trapped GoldenEye 007 cartridge that would destroy any N64 that tried to run it with a 50000 volt electric charge, but the screwdriver set the Gord needed to open it didn't arrive in time. | |
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Screw This, I'm Outta Here | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_d9cf40fa | comment |
Screw This, I'm Outta Here: The most common ending has the would-be customer/thief storm out of the store. | |
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A God Am I | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_dc1761bd | comment |
A God Am I: The site is written in the style of holy scripture, with "The Gord" as the figure of worship. | |
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Extremely Overdue Library Book | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_e52a3f98 | comment |
Extremely Overdue Library Book: Gord rents out games, rather than books, but has a similar problem. A few of his customers are mentioned as keeping a game for so long that Gord simply bills the customer's credit card for the price of the game, as the late fees eventually exceed the cost of the game. | |
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| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_f9375414 | type |
FacePalm | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_f9375414 | comment |
Face Palm: Each page is illustrated with a facepalming Gord, each with a different complaint about stupid customers. See page illustration above for one example. | |
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Comically Missing the Point | |
| Acts of Gord (Website) / int_fbd285b7 | comment |
Comically Missing the Point: From Annoyances chapter 3: "The Gord often wonders why people threaten to never come back after they've been told never to return." | |
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Acts of Gord (Website) |
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