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The Red Tape War

 The Red Tape War
type
TVTItem
 The Red Tape War
label
The Red Tape War
 The Red Tape War
page
theredtapewar
 The Red Tape War
comment
The Red Tape War is the story of Millard Fillmore Pierce, a human arbiter in a galactic bureaucracy, who inadvertently gets dragged into an interdimensional invasion. It is also the story of Millard Fillmore Pierce, anthropomorphic lizard General in an invasion force that accidentally finds itself in an Alternate Universe. It is also the story of Millard Fillmore Pierce, sapient floating gasbag reconnaissance commander for an invasion force attacking an Alternate Universe. Naturally, these are all Alternate Universe versions of the same person, with remarkably similar lives and outlooks despite their vastly different biologies.All three versions of Pierce come from universes with a Vast Bureaucracy full of Obstructive Bureaucrats, hence the title of the book.In 1980, Jack L Chalker, Mike Resnick, and an unnamed third party got the idea to write a round-robin novel, in which each writer would write a chapter, putting Millard into a certain death situation, then hand the book over to the next writer, who would extract the character(s) from that situation, then contrive to put him in a worse one, then hand it off to the third writer, and so on.After six months, the book was half finished, but the unnamed third writer's work "didn't quite fit the bill," according to Resnick, and both Chalker and Resnick had become a great deal more busy. They paid off the third author, and put the novel on the back burner.For nine years.When they got back together (at the same convention) in 1989, they decided the time was right to continue the story, but they needed a third author who was good enough to rewrite all of the chapters by their prior collaborator, well-known enough not to be intimidated by working with the two of them, and naive enough not to realize what a bad idea it was to join with them on the project.Enter George Alec Effinger.
 The Red Tape War
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2018-09-30T02:54:02Z
 The Red Tape War
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2020-06-25T17:23:23Z
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Dropped link to AttackOfTheFiftyFootWhatever: Not a Feature - UNKNOWN
 The Red Tape War
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Dropped link to Pirate: Not a Feature - ITEM
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Dropped link to lampshadehanging: Not a Feature - UNKNOWN
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AttackOfTheFiftyFootWhatever
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Lampshade Hanging
 The Red Tape War
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DBTropes
 The Red Tape War / int_1049848f
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Aliens Speaking English
 The Red Tape War / int_1049848f
comment
Aliens Speaking English: Averted within the Milky Way galaxy, as not only does every race have their own language, but only seven of the twenty-thousand races in the galaxy have planetary languages. Earth, with 67 languages, 1200 dialects, and an additional 27 languages supplied by human colonies, is listed as a "less extreme example." However, as all of the invaders are alternate-dimension equivalents of humans, including the main character, it still crops up.
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Stripperiffic
 The Red Tape War / int_1eb49c19
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Stripperiffic: Marshmallow.
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Artificial Human
 The Red Tape War / int_1ee0948e
comment
Artificial Human: Frank Poole, designed to "be Pierce's pal." It's explicitly stated he's neither a good android nor a good pal, and thus has been in storage for the first half of the novel instead of keeping Pierce company.
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Chekhov's Gun
 The Red Tape War / int_22cf536c
comment
Chekhov's Gun: Anything ever brought up by one of the authors, ever, no matter how ridiculous, will come into play later. Lampshaded at one point:
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Non-Mammal Mammaries
 The Red Tape War / int_23d6eccb
comment
Non-Mammal Mammaries: Lampshaded aversion: Lizard!Pierce refers to Marshmallow as "that creature with the extra pair of lungs."
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 The Red Tape War / int_260926c3
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Failure Is the Only Option
 The Red Tape War / int_260926c3
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Failure Is the Only Option: Each author is challenged by the others to get the characters out of a horrible situation during the course of their chapter, only to end that chapter on a cliffhanger that's even worse. According to a friend of the Chalker family, this is due, at least in part, to all three authors having become heartily sick of the story by about half-way through.
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 The Red Tape War / int_36754cc7
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"Freaky Friday" Flip
 The Red Tape War / int_36754cc7
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"Freaky Friday" Flip: As a result of XB-223's Indy Ploy. Everyone on the ship gets flipped. Leads to Grand Theft Me. Four times.
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 The Red Tape War / int_3b4f620a
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No Fourth Wall
 The Red Tape War / int_3b4f620a
comment
No Fourth Wall: Beginning in Chapter Three, the book itself responds to its readers by name. Pretty funny, unless you happen to be "fourteen-year-old V. Chavez of Staunton, Virginia," and "don't care 'bout no gasbags."
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Deus ex Machina
 The Red Tape War / int_3fca462c
comment
Deus ex Machina: After the Executive Meddling (see entry below), a new android, Sal, is brought out to resolve a problem, begins causing other problems, then vanishes from existence as one of the authors declares her to be such. Also subverted, as one minor character turns out to be God, but he's retired now, so he doesn't do anything other than tell everyone this and then vanish - right when it appears that he was going to either save the day or Kill 'em All.
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 The Red Tape War / int_40bb59d0
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Blatant Lies
 The Red Tape War / int_40bb59d0
comment
Later used as a plot point when XB-223 challenges Lizard!Pierce (and later, Ailey) to "a game of chance"
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 The Red Tape War / int_420c50b7
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A.I. Is a Crapshoot
 The Red Tape War / int_420c50b7
comment
A.I. Is a Crapshoot: Pierce's navigational computer, passive-aggressive, often wangsty, and generally prissy. Also cheats at chess and card games.
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The Red Tape War / int_420c50b7
 The Red Tape War / int_47fea76b
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Butt-Monkey
 The Red Tape War / int_47fea76b
comment
Butt-Monkey: Everyone in the book, but particularly Brad "Broken" Arro, Protean!Pierce's Number One. Explicitly mentioned in orders from Protean!Pierce's commander:
 The Red Tape War / int_47fea76b
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The Red Tape War / int_47fea76b
 The Red Tape War / int_48d9e12d
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Funetik Aksent
 The Red Tape War / int_48d9e12d
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Funetik Aksent: Marshmallow
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 The Red Tape War / int_5028baf2
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What Is This Thing You Call "Love"?
 The Red Tape War / int_5028baf2
comment
What Is This Thing You Call "Love"?: XB-223 asks Pierce for clarification of page 187 of Fanny Hill a.k.a. Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure.
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The Un-Reveal
 The Red Tape War / int_5a3b8032
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The Unreveal: See No Name Given.
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 The Red Tape War / int_6041e4f4
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The Computer Is a Cheating Bastard
 The Red Tape War / int_6041e4f4
comment
The Computer Is a Cheating Bastard: The very first bit of dialogue in the novel, Pierce's navigational computer (XB-223) cheats at chess. Later used as a plot point when XB-223 challenges Lizard!Pierce (and later, Ailey) to "a game of chance"
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 The Red Tape War / int_61b576af
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I Take Offense to That Last One
 The Red Tape War / int_61b576af
comment
I Take Offense to That Last One!: During a reflective moment, the authors confess that, amidst all the ridiculous things that have occurred during the course of the novel, "even we were brought up short by the concept of a sheep fondue in the last chapter." Said sheep fondue did not exist at all, and was the result of the "Blind Idiot" Translation caused by the S.N.A.F.O.O. communications, but still.
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The Red Tape War / int_61b576af
 The Red Tape War / int_61b8f9e2
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Bunny-Ears Lawyer
 The Red Tape War / int_61b8f9e2
comment
Bunny-Ears Lawyer: Human!Pierce implies that this is an Arbiter's job description. Whereas in the lizard universe, being able to solve problems gets you committed. Of course, having to deal with the bureaucracy too long gets you committed, too, but to a different ward.
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 The Red Tape War / int_6293c185
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Sequel Hook
 The Red Tape War / int_6293c185
comment
Sequel Hook: See Here We Go Again!. Also, a fourth Millard Fillmore Pierce is mentioned in Chapter 7 as a throw-away gag, but Human!Pierce says he's being saved for the sequel.
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Author Appeal
 The Red Tape War / int_6627695f
comment
Author Appeal: One reader "complains" that the "Freaky Friday" Flip is something Chalker's done to death, and wonders why the other two authors, both Hugo award winners, indulge him.
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 The Red Tape War / int_6977c45e
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Purple Prose
 The Red Tape War / int_6977c45e
comment
Purple Prose: XB-223 attempting to romance the Lizard invaders' own navigational computer, while they're eloping, and her responses. Lampshaded, as both are using the a style of speech derived from a "pink-spined shelf of smut." (Or "lizardica".)
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 The Red Tape War / int_6bda9a30
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Meaningful Name
 The Red Tape War / int_6bda9a30
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Meaningful Name: Subverted, repeatedly, by almost everything or anybody with a name.
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Punny Name
 The Red Tape War / int_6d7026fa
comment
Punny Name: Paddy de Faux Grais, among others.
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 The Red Tape War / int_6edc54d5
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Here We Go Again!
 The Red Tape War / int_6edc54d5
comment
Here We Go Again!: In a book this heavily laden with comedy tropes, could it end any other way?
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 The Red Tape War / int_7870735b
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From Bad to Worse
 The Red Tape War / int_7870735b
comment
From Bad to Worse: One of the rules set down by the authors before writing the story was that each chapter should end this way.
 The Red Tape War / int_7870735b
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The Federation
 The Red Tape War / int_7d5324cf
comment
The Federation: By name, even: The Spiral Fed, a "loose economic federation of wolrds on one of the Milky Way's spiral arms."
 The Red Tape War / int_7d5324cf
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 The Red Tape War / int_808cbaeb
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Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking
 The Red Tape War / int_808cbaeb
comment
Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: A side-effect of the Vast Bureaucracy. As the Battleship Mahatma Ghandi's commander says, they're perfectly happy to risk their lives going around the galaxy rescuing people, but not if it means going through six months of paperwork.
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The Red Tape War / int_808cbaeb
 The Red Tape War / int_82860842
type
Art Major Biology
 The Red Tape War / int_82860842
comment
Art Major Biology: Lampshaded. "It should be noted for the likes of Mrs. Sutton that on their home world, the Proteans actually did have vegetables that gibbered. Even after they were cooked." Pretty much anything to do with the Proteans, in fact.
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 The Red Tape War / int_884e513b
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Medium Awareness
 The Red Tape War / int_884e513b
comment
Medium Awareness: At one point, the characters hear the authors arguing. At another, the book begins to berate Effinger for something not happening before apparently getting KilledMidSentence. The book itself dies. Before it's over. It comes back to life. Obviously.]
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 The Red Tape War / int_88e1831d
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Vast Bureaucracy
 The Red Tape War / int_88e1831d
comment
Vast Bureaucracy / Obstructive Bureaucrat: Everywhere. In all four referenced universes (five if you count Tor books' relationship with the authors). Fortunately, it obstructs the invaders as much as Pierce.
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 The Red Tape War / int_8a817c2a
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Rape Is a Special Kind of Evil
 The Red Tape War / int_8a817c2a
comment
Rape Is a Special Kind of Evil: Lizard!Pierce's race "are a very warlike race, bent on empire, rape, carnage, and looting. Especially rape." It's something some of their soldiers specialize (or cross-specialize) in. And due to the nature of the world they come from, no one is allowed to do anything outside their specialties.
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 The Red Tape War / int_8abd0e31
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It Was His Sled
 The Red Tape War / int_8abd0e31
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It Was His Sled: invoked XB-223's failed attempt to explain what a rosebud is to Ailey invokes this and Cowboy BeBop at His Computer at the same time.
 The Red Tape War / int_8abd0e31
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 The Red Tape War / int_8e9cf84e
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 The Red Tape War / int_8e9cf84e
comment
"Blind Idiot" Translation: When a classified ad is run through multiple relays, each in a different language (or just accent in some cases) and comes out at its intended destination, it changes from a simple (albeit shady) job offer to complete gibberish: This continues for multiple exchanges
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 The Red Tape War / int_96fbeaf
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There Are No Therapists
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There Are No Therapists: In the lizard universe, most actual therapists either quit, sell out, or go crazy from guilt.
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 The Red Tape War / int_988dc0fd
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Living Gasbag
 The Red Tape War / int_988dc0fd
comment
Living Gasbag: Millard Fillmore Pierce (the floating alien gasbag one, of course).
 The Red Tape War / int_988dc0fd
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 The Red Tape War / int_98a19d7f
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Money, Dear Boy
 The Red Tape War / int_98a19d7f
comment
Money, Dear Boy: Towards the end, when a reader complains about the "Freaky Friday" Flip, the book replies that while Resnick and Effinger are award winning authors, Chalker is simply rolling in green, and they want a piece of that action, too.
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 The Red Tape War / int_9cc1a329
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Upper-Class Twit
 The Red Tape War / int_9cc1a329
comment
Upper-Class Twit: Protean!Pierce, who is a Commodore because of the village he was born in.
 The Red Tape War / int_9cc1a329
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 The Red Tape War / int_9e08a5c2
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What Measure Is a Non-Human?
 The Red Tape War / int_9e08a5c2
comment
What Measure Is A Nonhuman: Played for laughs.
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 The Red Tape War / int_a188ac4b
type
Overly Long Gag
 The Red Tape War / int_a188ac4b
comment
Overly Long Gag: Subverted. The novel is about to relay Protean!Pierce's countdown from 2,971 to 0 (to fill most of the chapter) when Mr. Isaac Hodgkinson of Austin, Texas objects.
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 The Red Tape War / int_a60e3252
type
Rule of Funny
 The Red Tape War / int_a60e3252
comment
Rule of Funny: All three authors used this and From Bad to Worse as their guideline for every event in the book.
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 The Red Tape War / int_a8a4b41e
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Not So Stoic
 The Red Tape War / int_a8a4b41e
comment
Not So Stoic: Despite many, many, many exhibitions of frustration beforehand, Lizard!Pierce has the following bit of dialogue in chapter three:
 The Red Tape War / int_a8a4b41e
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 The Red Tape War / int_b2c737e8
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Klingon Promotion
 The Red Tape War / int_b2c737e8
comment
Klingon Promotion: "It also happens to be the only way to advance in this lizard's army."
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 The Red Tape War / int_b6de94d1
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Executive Meddling
 The Red Tape War / int_b6de94d1
comment
Executive Meddling: Used to rush the story to a conclusion towards the end. It doesn't work.
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His Name Is...
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His Name Is...: The book itself appears to be Killed Mid-Sentence revealing who's writing the current chapter at one point. It gets better.
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Mind Screw
 The Red Tape War / int_bef696dd
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Mind Screw: Done in-universe to XB-223 and Pierce during the "Freaky Friday" Flip in order to finesse a Grand Theft Me. Done to the readers at the same time. Try keeping track of who's who after they're hypnotized to believe they are who they appear to be and not only does it work, but the authors simply refer to them by the names of their bodies. The authors actually clarify who's who, but then immediately request that anyone who actually understands the plot so far send them a summary, because they're lost. Later, one of the authors appears to kill the book - or at least the apparently sapient part of the narrative that addresses the readers and refers to itself as "the book." The story continues, however.
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Fun with Acronyms
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Fun with Acronyms: A meta-example: Secondary Nautical Auxiliary Ferry Oscillation Operation.
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 The Red Tape War / int_c6102eb0
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Grand Theft Me
 The Red Tape War / int_c6102eb0
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Grand Theft Me: After the "Freaky Friday" Flip, this is attempted as an Indy Ploy. By four different people. One against his will.
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Shout-Out
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Shout-Out: So, so many.
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 The Red Tape War / int_ca87e3ec
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No Name Given
 The Red Tape War / int_ca87e3ec
comment
No Name Given: While we know that Marshmallow's father's last name is Goldberg, he is only ever referred to as "Daddy." By everyone. Even the Proteans, who are worried he might actually be God, refer to him as such. The one time he begins to introduce himself, he is interrupted.
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The Gods Must Be Lazy
 The Red Tape War / int_d19dc823
comment
Also subverted, as one minor character turns out to be God, but he's retired now, so he doesn't do anything other than tell everyone this and then vanish - right when it appears that he was going to either save the day or Kill 'em All.
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Sci-Fi Writers Have No Sense of Scale
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Sci-Fi Writers Have No Sense of Scale: While travelling at more than two hundred times the speed of light, they leave Marshmallow's ship "quite a few light-years" behind them in a matter of minutes.
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 The Red Tape War / int_dbb414ed
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Hand Wave
 The Red Tape War / int_dbb414ed
comment
Hand Wave: Attempted by the fusion of Protean!Pierce and Arro: "They did it by subspace radio. Don't ask me how." Surprisingly, it works.
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 The Red Tape War / int_dd891949
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Who Writes This Crap?!
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Who Writes This Crap?!: "It sounds like sci-fi doubletalk to me, but what do I know?"
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 The Red Tape War / int_df582b0b
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Continuity Snarl
 The Red Tape War / int_df582b0b
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Continuity Snarl: Though it actually doesn't occur despite the authors' efforts to undo each others' efforts, the final chapter contains this:
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 The Red Tape War / int_e35ab565
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Indy Ploy
 The Red Tape War / int_e35ab565
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Indy Ploy: All three Pierces' modus operandi.
 The Red Tape War / int_e35ab565
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 The Red Tape War / int_e35b1a96
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Everything Is Big in Texas
 The Red Tape War / int_e35b1a96
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Everything Is Big in Texas: Honeylou Emmyjane "Marshmallow" Goldberg wears a cowboy-themed outfit, complete with hat, speaks in an exaggerated drawl (until the book decides to just translate her dialogue in place), and lives this trope in every way she can from her first appearance.
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 The Red Tape War / int_e563bf09
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Insistent Terminology
 The Red Tape War / int_e563bf09
comment
Insistent Terminology: Pierce's briefing, in which his supervisor officially designates names for various planets in standard legalese but doesn't actually use those names. Because even the bureaucrats seem to be sick of the bureaucracy. Pierce sure is.
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 The Red Tape War / int_ea5c413d
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Biting-the-Hand Humor
 The Red Tape War / int_ea5c413d
comment
Biting-the-Hand Humor: When Resnick's attempt to get out of writing the last chapter by claiming that Tor books could be sued by someone named Millard Fillmore Pierce who might be offended doesn't work:
 The Red Tape War / int_ea5c413d
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 The Red Tape War / int_ee7ed46e
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The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything
 The Red Tape War / int_ee7ed46e
comment
The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: Though not for lack of trying. Paddy and his crew are unable to do anything that doesn't result in the death of the characters they were sent to rescue, so they end up just sitting there and watching.
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 The Red Tape War / int_f7d4f121
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Mushroom Samba
 The Red Tape War / int_f7d4f121
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Mushroom Samba: One of the characters gets completely high by overcharging the android his mind is in. The others are given something to drink to keep them from dying of dehydration, only to learn it's a synthesized 180-proof grain alcohol.
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The Red Tape War

The following is a list of statements referring to the current page from other pages.

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The Red Tape War
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My Rules Are Not Your Rules / int_5d0666f9
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No One Else Is That Dumb / int_5d0666f9
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Vast Bureaucracy / int_5d0666f9