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Dave Barry Slept Here

 Dave Barry Slept Here
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TVTItem
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Dave Barry Slept Here
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DaveBarrySleptHere
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A thoroughly and scrupulously researched history textbook, whose narrative, detached from the author's personal views and experiences, makes interesting stories out of some arcane historical episodes, and incorporates thought-provoking and relevant discussion questions and detailed explanations of the important contributions of women and minorities......Well, if such a book exists, it would be everything this "Sort of History of the United States," written by Dave Barry in 1989, doesn't even try to be. But that book would be longer than Dave Barry Slept Here, and considerably less funny.
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2023-04-17T19:13:39Z
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2023-04-17T19:13:40Z
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Dropped link to ObjectShapedLandmass: Not a Feature - UNKNOWN
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DBTropes
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Express Lane Limit
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Express Lane Limit: The Seventh Amendment to the Constitution describes the right to count "more than one item produce of the same biological type, such as two grapefruit" as one item for this purpose.
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Defeat Means Friendship
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Defeat Means Friendship: Outright parodies this, repeatedly using the term "befriend" to describe Gunboat Diplomacy.
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Art Imitates Art
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Art Imitates Art: One edition has the cover parodying Emanuel Gottlieb Leutze's "Washington Crossing the Delaware," with the river filled with ice cubes instead of water and a character resembling the author sleeping in the back of the rowboat. (The painting is not only referenced in the text but ruthlessly mocked.)
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Potty Emergency
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Potty Emergency: The chapter on the Revolutionary War begins with an excerpt from the camp song "Midnight Attack of Diarrhea":
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Attack! Attack... Retreat! Retreat!
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Attack! Attack... Retreat! Retreat!: In a non-military version, the famous "Oklahoma land rush," participated in by thousands after the U.S. government opens the Oklahoma territory up for settlement, is followed by the famous "rush to get the hell back out of Oklahoma."
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Eskimos Aren't Real
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Eskimos Aren't Real: The chapter on World War I claims that that Serbia "did not, technically, exist," even at the time that Austro-Hungary made the mistake of trying to invade it.
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Person as Verb
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Person as Verb: Regarding signing of the Declaration of Independence (October 8, 1776): "The members took turns lighting sparklers and signing their John Hancocks to the Declaration, with one prankster even going so far as to actually write 'John Hancock.'"
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Mysterious Middle Initial
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Mysterious Middle Initial: The book claims that Harry S. Truman's family was so poor that they couldn't afford to put a period after his middle initial, and poses a "trick discussion question" about what the "S" stood for.
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Hurricane of Excuses
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Hurricane of Excuses: The U.S. government offered multiple contradictory excuses for the 1960 U-2 incident before coming clean, including "the dog ate our homework."
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The Unintelligible
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The Unintelligible: Senator Sam Ervin's language is Deep Southern, "similar to English, only unintelligible."
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Pony Express Rider
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Pony Express Rider: Pony Express riders traveled on telegraph wires, and their horses "would often get as far as thirty feet before they would fall off the wires and splat courageously onto the ground."
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Horny Vikings
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Horny Vikings: The Vikings are described as "extremely rugged individuals" who used Zippo lighters to set fire to English tribespeople's thatched roofs just for fun, and sometime in the ninth century crossed the Atlantic for two purposes: "(a) try to locate North America and (b) see if it was flammable."
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Noodle Incident
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Noodle Incident: The book pointedly refuses to explain the Ballinger-Pinchot Affair, a famous incident that occurred during the Taft administration, after acclaiming it as "truly one of the fascinating and bizarre episodes in the nation's history." Apparently, it had a part involving a dwarf goat.
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Pistol-Whipping
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Pistol-Whipping: American revolutionaries adopt this effective tactic at the Battle of Concord of hitting the British troops over the head with their muskets, simply because guns back then took forever to load. The failure of this tactic at the Alamo serves as a lesson to Sam Houston, who orders his troops to start actually firing their rifles.
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The Abridged History
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The Abridged History: essentially what this book provides.
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"Knock Knock" Joke
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"Knock Knock" Joke: Readers are asked to finish this one as an "Extra-Credit Project":
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*Bleep*-dammit!
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*Bleep*-dammit!: In the Watergate Scandal's released tapes:
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Full-Circle Revolution
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Full-Circle Revolution:
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Flat World
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Flat World: The book says that, though many people once believed that the world was flat, today "we know that this is true only in heavily Protestant states such as Iowa."
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Derailed Train of Thought
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Derailed Train of Thought: Thomas Jefferson, who is writing the Declaration of Independence in an all-nighter, lets the document's subject wander to people flushing inappropriate objects down toilets, among other things.
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A Storm Is Coming
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A Storm Is Coming: Parodied:
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Fictional Political Party
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Fictional Political Party: The fact is pitied that Teddy Roosevelt and his Bull Moose party lost in 1912, because otherwise it "might have started a whole new trend of giving comical animal names to political parties, and today we might be seeing election battles between the Small Hairless Nocturnal Rodent party and the Stench-Emitting Ox party, and this country would be a lot more fun." Previous chapters mention Presidents being elected with the support of the Anal Compulsive Party, the Party to Elect Presidents with Stupid Nicknames and the Let's Elect Presidents with Comical First Names party.
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Serious Business
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Serious Business: The author calls The American Revolution "the single most important historical event ever to occur in this nation except for Super Bowl III (Jets 16, Colts 7. This historian won $35)." Likewise, in describing the major world events of October 1962, the World Series takes precedence over the Cuban missile crisis.
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Carry a Big Stick
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Carry a Big Stick: President Theodore Roosevelt always carried around a big stick, which he used to beat monopolists with when they leaned closer to hear what he was speaking very softly. The stick is also why nobody asked him exactly what he meant by "bully pulpit."
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Politically Correct History
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Politically Correct History: A couple pages into Chapter Four: The Colonies Develop A Life-style, the Lemony Narrators interrupt the action to notify the readers that "a review committee... has determined that, so far, this history book is not making enough of an effort to include the contributions of women and minority groups. Unless some effort is undertaken to correct this situation, this book will not be approved for purchase by public school systems in absolutely vast quantities." Whereupon the narrators/authors "just now remembered... that during the colonial era women and minority groups were making many contributions, which we are certain that they will continue to do at regularly spaced intervals throughout the course of this book." From then on, the narrative is routinely interrupted by a sentence or two about all the contributions by women and minority groups... without listing any of them, of course.
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Inherently Funny Words
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Inherently Funny Words: The author decides that "Gompers" is this, suggesting that it'd be the perfect name for a very large dog.
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Back from the Dead
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Back from the Dead: Parodied: Richard Nixon, in his return to national politics in 1968, was "looking stronger than ever despite the holes in his suit where various stakes had been driven into his heart."
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Take a Third Option
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Take a Third Option: Played for satirical laughs:
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Crocodile Tears
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Crocodile Tears:
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Mr. Smith
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Mr. Smith: According to the book, the leader of the Jamestown colony was "'John Smith' (not his real name)." The joke is that it was his real name.
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Double-Meaning Title
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Double-Meaning Title: "Chapter Eleven: The Nation Enters Chapter Eleven."
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Best Known for the Fanservice
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Best Known for the Fanservice: invoked Discussed in a passage where Annette Funicello is cited as the cultural contributions made by The Mickey Mouse Club:
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Even the Subtitler Is Stumped
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Even the Subtitler Is Stumped: A third of the words in Washington's famous presidential addresses are replaced by "[something]" (or, in one case, "[machines? birds?]") due to the fact that microphones didn't exist back then.
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Pig Latin
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Pig Latin: Identified as the code invented by and named after Samuel Morse. Discussion Question #2: "An-cay oo-yay eak-spay ig-pay atin-lay? Explain."
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Blood from the Mouth
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Blood from the Mouth: The Five Token Bands who fought World War II in movies "would learn, despite their differing backgrounds, how to trickle syrup from the corners of their mouths to indicate that they had been wounded. In the actual war, of course, real blood was used."
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A Good Name for a Rock Band
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A Good Name for a Rock Band: A passage containing the phrase "most Americans paid little heed to these events" carries this footnote:
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Mixed Metaphor
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Mixed Metaphor: The Great Crash of 1929 is described as the day when "the nation's seemingly prosperous economy was revealed to be merely a paper tiger with feet of clay living in a straw house of cards that had cried 'wolf' once too often."
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Evil Minions
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Evil Minions: "A group of high-level Nixon administration aides, all of them named Klaus," who in their testimony before the Watergate committee "projected all the warmth and personal integrity of eels."
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Selective Stupidity
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Selective Stupidity: Played with in the introduction:
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Everybody Hates Mathematics
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Everybody Hates Mathematics:
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Bonus Round
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Bonus Round: Abraham Lincoln became a contestant in The Lincoln-Douglas Debates, where he won the bonus round by answering the question "How much is four score plus seven?" This awarded him the Samsonite luggage and the presidency. John F. Kennedy wins the same prize in his televised debates with Nixon; the category chosen by Kennedy in the bonus round was "Graceful Handsome Boyish Wittiness."
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Unusual Euphemism
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Unusual Euphemism: Invoked in one of the "discussion questions."
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Gagging on Your Words
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Gagging on Your Words:
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Mechanical Horse
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Mechanical Horse: The "Iron Horse" that was used to pull heavy loads before being replaced by the locomotive is implied to be one of these, since it had the drawback of producing "Monster Piles of Iron Droppings."
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From the Latin "Intro Ducere"
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From the Latin "Intro Ducere": According to a footnote, the word "ultimatum" comes "from the Latin, meaning 'a kind of thing that a person issues.'"
 Dave Barry Slept Here / int_eeaadd10
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Dave Barry Slept Here / int_eeaadd10
 Dave Barry Slept Here / int_f9f2c33
type
Running Gag
 Dave Barry Slept Here / int_f9f2c33
comment
Running Gag: The book has several running gags. For convenience of memorization, all major events in American history occur on October 8, his son's birthday (Most notably, the attack on Pearl Harbor happens on "the fateful December morning of October 8."). To satisfy the demands of education professors, there are periodic allusions to the contributions of women and minorities, none of which get specifically mentioned. The later chapters have the Inherently Funny Words "The Hawley-Smoot Tariff," and at several points the end of Richard Nixon's political career is widely predicted.
 Dave Barry Slept Here / int_f9f2c33
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1.0
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Dave Barry Slept Here / int_f9f2c33
 Dave Barry Slept Here / int_faf5732b
type
I Call It "Vera"
 Dave Barry Slept Here / int_faf5732b
comment
I Call It "Vera": Davy Crockett is played by Fess Parker and his rifle "Betsy" is played by "Denise."
 Dave Barry Slept Here / int_faf5732b
featureApplicability
1.0
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Dave Barry Slept Here / int_faf5732b
 Dave Barry Slept Here / int_fc151e9d
type
Department of Redundancy Department
 Dave Barry Slept Here / int_fc151e9d
comment
Department of Redundancy Department: At one point the book refers to the Soviet Union "simply" as the "Union of the Society of Socialistic Soviet Union Communist Russians."
 Dave Barry Slept Here / int_fc151e9d
featureApplicability
1.0
 Dave Barry Slept Here / int_fc151e9d
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 Dave Barry Slept Here
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Dave Barry Slept Here / int_fc151e9d
 Dave Barry Slept Here / int_fe0330fb
type
Brick Joke
 Dave Barry Slept Here / int_fe0330fb
comment
Brick Joke: The last chapter has a bit about Donald Trump buying up, among other things, the planet Mars and, in a footnote, renaming it "Trump." This joke comes up again on the final page, which suggests the future possibility of landing a manned spacecraft on Trump.
 Dave Barry Slept Here / int_fe0330fb
featureApplicability
1.0
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Dave Barry Slept Here / int_fe0330fb
 Dave Barry Slept Here / int_fea27091
type
Buffy Speak
 Dave Barry Slept Here / int_fea27091
comment
Buffy Speak: A Sophisticated as Hell use of the anti-simile:
 Dave Barry Slept Here / int_fea27091
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 Dave Barry Slept Here / int_fea27091
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Dave Barry Slept Here / int_fea27091
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ItemName
 Dave Barry Slept Here / int_name
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 Dave Barry Slept Here / int_name
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Dave Barry Slept Here / int_name
 Dave Barry Slept Here / int_name
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Dave Barry Slept Here

The following is a list of statements referring to the current page from other pages.

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hasFeature
A Storm Is Coming / int_593d139f
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Amusingly Short List / int_593d139f
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hasFeature
Art Imitates Art / int_593d139f
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hasFeature
Attack! Attack... Retreat! Retreat! / int_593d139f
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hasFeature
Best Known for the Fanservice / int_593d139f
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hasFeature
*Bleep*-dammit! / int_593d139f
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hasFeature
Bonus Round / int_593d139f
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hasFeature
Carry a Big Stick / int_593d139f
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hasFeature
Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkeys / int_593d139f
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hasFeature
Credit Card Plot / int_593d139f
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hasFeature
Crocodile Tears / int_593d139f
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hasFeature
Defeat Means Friendship / int_593d139f
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hasFeature
Derailed Train of Thought / int_593d139f
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hasFeature
Eleventy Zillion / int_593d139f
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hasFeature
Eskimos Aren't Real / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Even the Subtitler Is Stumped / int_593d139f
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hasFeature
Everybody Hates Mathematics / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Face on a Milk Carton / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Fictional Political Party / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Flat World / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Formally-Named Pet / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
From the Latin "Intro Ducere" / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Gag Words / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Gagging on Your Words / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Hollywood Voodoo / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Horny Vikings / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Hurricane of Excuses / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
I'll Never Tell You What I'm Telling You! / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Implausible Deniability / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Inherently Funny Words / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Is It Something You Eat? / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Japan Takes Over the World / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
"Knock Knock" Joke / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
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Literally Loving Thy Neighbor / int_593d139f
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hasFeature
Lost Colony / int_593d139f
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hasFeature
Mechanical Horse / int_593d139f
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hasFeature
Mr. Smith / int_593d139f
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hasFeature
Mysterious Middle Initial / int_593d139f
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hasFeature
Name Order Confusion / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
No-Neck Chump / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Not-So-Omniscient Council of Bickering / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Object-Shaped Landmass / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Ostentatious Secret / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Our Slogan Is Terrible / int_593d139f
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hasFeature
Person as Verb / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Pig Latin / int_593d139f
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hasFeature
Pistol-Whipping / int_593d139f
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hasFeature
Place Worse Than Death / int_593d139f
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Pony Express Rider / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Porky Pig Pronunciation / int_593d139f
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Rambling Old Man Monologue / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Selective Stupidity / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Shameless Self-Promoter / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Shaped Like Itself / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Ship Out of Water / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Something Something Leonard Bernstein / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Sure, Let's Go with That / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
The Abridged History / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
The All-Solving Hammer / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
The Alleged Car / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
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The Bluebeard / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
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The Graph Shows the Trend / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
The Voiceless / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Translation: "Yes" / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Trivially Obvious / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Unit Confusion / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Vagueness Is Coming / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Vengeful Vending Machine / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
We Will Use WikiWords in the Future / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
You Can't Miss It / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Youth Is Wasted on the Dumb / int_593d139f
 Dave Barry Slept Here
hasFeature
Everyone Hates Fruit Cakes / int_593d139f