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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
type
TVTItem
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
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IfThisBookExistsYoureInTheWrongUniverse
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
comment
If This Book Exists, You’re in the Wrong Universe is the latest in the Cosmic Horror Comedy series of books written by Jason Pargin, preceded by John Dies at the End, This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It and What The Hell Did I Just Read: A Novel of Cosmic Horror.In this book, our reluctant heroes Dave, John and Amy are older but not wiser. The hellgate under the town of Undisclosed is once again the epicenter for weird shit. A mysterious well-dressed man materializing in John’s bedroom wall leads them to a popular children’s plush toy (with accompanying cash-grab mobile app, of course) demanding sacrifices of human body parts. Once again it’s a race against the clock to prevent the apocalypse, and all they have in their corner are a bunch of haunted dolls, an energy drink called “Fight Piss”, and (ugh) Joy. And now there’s time fuckery involved! Will they be able to stop the sacrifices before the Magpie is hatched? Who the hell is the “Time Captain”? And more importantly, will they ever get some ice cream?Released in October 2022, this book continues the trend of extending the POV to the rest of the trio at a regular pace throughout the book, rather than mostly confining itself to just David. It is also the first in the series (not counting reprints) to be published under Pargin’s own name rather than the “David Wong” pseudonym, though the book still maintains the conceit of being written by Dave himself.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
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2023-11-25T04:14:13Z
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2023-11-25T04:14:13Z
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
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 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
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 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
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 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
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 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
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 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
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DBTropes
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_10dcbe05
type
Aw, Look! They Really Do Love Each Other
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_10dcbe05
comment
Aw, Look! They Really Do Love Each Other: Dave has two moments regarding John. When he thinks he's about to die, he turns to John and tells him, "Our life together has been da filthy," using John's Forced Meme that he hates. Later, he tells Fancy Dave that the reason he failed was because he lacked a John and asserts that having John around is better than Fancy Dave's economic prosperity.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_10dcbe05
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_10dcbe05
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_1240ff57
type
Thinking Up Portals
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_1240ff57
comment
Thinking Up Portals: Bas Galvatron’s primary power. He shows just how dangerous it can be, using it to escape dangerous situations, literally rearrange a person’s guts, pull objects out of locked containers, and in one case, vanish an orbital projectile that was about to level the entire town (though the effort almost kills him).
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_1240ff57
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_1240ff57
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_13eea985
type
Arbitrary Skepticism
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_13eea985
comment
Arbitrary Skepticism: Dave initially doesn't think there's anything to Galvatron job when he hears that it involves a toy. He explains that it might seem a little rich for him to be skeptical, but actually the team gets tons of cases that turn out to be nothing (he just doesn't write about them because they're not interesting). For some reason, it's particularly common with "haunted" dolls, to the point Dave now refuses doll-related jobs on principle. Not that this ever stops John.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_13eea985
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_13eea985
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_14ed6ab7
type
Does This Remind You of Anything?
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_14ed6ab7
comment
Does This Remind You of Anything?: The Simurai are a group of lonely, angry young men who have been radicalized by an internet community into believing there is a group of people who can be guiltlessly, even happily, destroyed, and the world will someday violently change and put them on top. (It's probably not a coincidence that they decide Amy—the only female member of the main trio—is the one who's not a person).
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_14ed6ab7
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_14ed6ab7
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_1fb440a6
type
Voluntary Shapeshifting
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_1fb440a6
comment
Voluntary Shapeshifting: Joy is capable of this, being an interdimensional swarm of insects masquerading as a human and all, but she never uses it “onscreen” for more than aesthetic costume changes. The other examples occur offscreen, when she convinces Dave to voluntarily transform into the BATMANTIS??? to kill the hulking butcher who came through the portal. It's likely that this is also how Dave kills Dalton Galveston at the end.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_1fb440a6
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_1fb440a6
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_21d70919
type
Crapsack World
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_21d70919
comment
Crapsack World: Whatever place is on the other side of the book portal. It’s eternally dark and the only inhabitants we see are “giant Mad Max motherfuckers” with the equipment, know-how and inclination to violently vivisect human begins, or groups of starving prisoners who are willing to trade severed human body parts for a few bottles of water. Later, it’s implied it might actually be the timeline mentioned below. The Bad Future where Bas Galvatron and the Xarcrax cult take over. Aside from the Techno Dystopia elements mentioned below, the sky has been completely blacked out by the fully-grown Magpie, which now surrounds the Earth swallowing billions of severed human faces that are somehow alive and screaming in agony the entire time. Sheesh. The briefly glimpsed world where Dave is the night warden in some kind of concentration camp. The prisoners are referred to as 'pigs' and can be subjected to starvation orders and having their tongues cut out, and the wardens can get away with feeding them rotten food. Why they're in there and who is running the world isn't explained.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_21d70919
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_21d70919
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_22cf536c
type
Chekhov's Gun
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_22cf536c
comment
Chekhov's Gun: The “positive energy” dolls, the mysterious geosynchronous satellite, the resin-encased parasite… all come back to play some crucial role in the story.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_22cf536c
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_22cf536c
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_25b4ad2f
type
Surprisingly Happy Ending
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_25b4ad2f
comment
Surprisingly Happy Ending: Especially given the other books usually end on a bittersweet note. Thanks to Silva’s interference, Bas rejects his future self, erasing the bad future and resetting everything back to the Fourth of July. Even better, Bas and Gracie escape their abusive father, and Dave apparently makes him disappear. And they work out a deal with Marconi to pay them a steady income. No other deaths, no houses burning down, townwide disasters or alternate universes getting destroyed.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_25b4ad2f
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_25b4ad2f
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_2bdae2ae
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Awesome, but Impractical
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_2bdae2ae
comment
Awesome, but Impractical: John’s computer, which is connected to a projector so the display takes up an entire wall and can be controlled by gestures. His POV claims he can control it “as smoothly as a symphony conductor”, but Dave’s POV later contradicts this, saying they couldn’t get it to work and resorted to just using the mouse and keyboard. John’s five-barreled shotgun, which Dave says is just as likely to explode when the trigger is pulled.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_2bdae2ae
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_2bdae2ae
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_2cd22076
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Fantastic Drug
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_2cd22076
comment
As per usual, the Soy Sauce (now nicknamed “Armus / Arby’s Sauce”) comes into play, though this time it’s accidental. David touches some sauce on the cover of the Xarcrax book and goes on a trip that allows him to finally understand some of the time loop they’re all trapped in.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_2cd22076
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_2cd22076
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_37690091
type
Stable Time Loop
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_37690091
comment
Stable Time Loop: Hoo boy. Get out your corkboards and coloured thread, people. This one’s a doozy. Bas Galvatron reaches back in time to mentor his younger self and thus bring about his own rise to power by having his teenage self lead a cult in sacrificing body parts to an egg to create a crablike monster that travels back in time to become the “parasite” creature from the prologue so that John and Dave will catch it and trap it in resin and sell it to Ricardo Porkfart, who loses it in the river, causing it to be discovered and opened nearly 100 years later, whereupon it will impersonate Bas, enslave humanity and end the universe. Phew! Thankfully, the loop is finally broken when Dave and John smoke weed with teen Bas and set off a chain of events culminating in his rejection of his future self, causing the “parasite” to never exist.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_37690091
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_37690091
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_3b09628b
type
Techno Dystopia
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_3b09628b
comment
Techno Dystopia: The bad future where the Magpie is fully unleashed has a Terminally Dependent Society with billions of people walking around in HUD masks that constantly play the future equivalent of addictive mobile games, to the point that they’ll let their bodies shrivel away and the masks meld into their flesh.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_3b09628b
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_3b09628b
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_3d2c6d30
type
Skewed Priorities
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_3d2c6d30
comment
Skewed Priorities: A common theme has our heroes trying to do (or arguing about) something trivial in the middle of life-or-death events. One example is Joy pointing out that John has gotten the DEFCON system backwards while they're in the jaws of a monster. Even the level-headed Amy can't help but agree.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_3d2c6d30
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_3d2c6d30
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_41186922
type
Offscreen Afterlife
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_41186922
comment
Offscreen Afterlife: It clearly exists, but we never see it. Apparently the dead can see everything going on in our universe(s), even across multiple timelines, but rarely interfere because it’s just too difficult. Silva Galveston describes it as “trying to play chess by blowing on the pieces”.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_41186922
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 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_41186922
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 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_41186922
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_448934a1
type
Lame Last Words
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_448934a1
comment
Lame Last Words: Discussed a few times. In the first go-through, John's last words turn out to be "Knife to meet you!" Dalton Galveston threatens David by saying, "One of us is about to get a major reality check." Dave notes that is seems fitting that those became his last words.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_448934a1
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 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_448934a1
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 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_448934a1
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_4852f325
type
I Just Want to Be Normal
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_4852f325
comment
I Just Want to Be Normal: Joy is a shapeshifting hive mind from outside our universe, but she just wants to eat ice cream, host a podcast and work at the local nursing home (that last one being at least partly why she’s Intrigued by Humanity).
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_4852f325
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 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_4852f325
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_4a3e547f
type
Leaning on the Fourth Wall
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_4a3e547f
comment
Leaning on the Fourth Wall: In David's encounter with the old man, he says "What I am doing has already been done. The book is written; I can flip to the ending right now, if I so desire".
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_4a3e547f
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 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_4a3e547f
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_4a3e547f
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_4a852458
type
Big Good
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_4a852458
comment
Big Good: At first it seems the “Time Captain” might fulfill this role, but he’s being manipulated by Xarcrax just like everyone else. In actuality it’s Bas’s late sister Silva who breaks the time loop so her brother (and our heroes) can set things right.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_4a852458
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_4a852458
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_4cecb933
type
Signs of Disrepair
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_4cecb933
comment
Signs of Disrepair: It's a running gag that basically every sign in Undisclosed is missing letters. Keeping track of which ones are missing spells out: XARCRAX IS YOU
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_4cecb933
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 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_54d6f53f
type
Ripple-Effect-Proof Memory
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_54d6f53f
comment
Ripple-Effect-Proof Memory: Generally averted, as characters only remember the previous timelines as faint glimpses of deja-vu or dreams that lack context and are soon forgotten. Played straight at the end, where everyone inside the van that exploded the Magpie retains their memories of that timeline's version of events.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_54d6f53f
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_54d6f53f
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_55bf1a48
type
At Least I Admit It
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_55bf1a48
comment
At Least I Admit It: Fancy Dave, an alternate Dave who got a different job and became middle-class after John's death in a drunk driving accident, insists that he's superior to our Dave. Main Dave admits that Fancy Dave has many things that are objectively better—most importantly, health insurance good enough that Amy can get the back surgery she needs—but that at least Main Dave acknowledges that he has psychological issues and is fucked up, unlike Fancy Dave.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_55bf1a48
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_55bf1a48
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_565106b3
type
Women Are Wiser
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_565106b3
comment
Women Are Wiser: As usual, Amy is the responsible one of the group as well as the one with the strongest sense of morality. This book also adds Joy, who presents as female despite being a hive mind of 777 insects. At one point, she flat-out tells John, "I am more competent than you are."
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_565106b3
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 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_60441d9
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Future Slang
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_60441d9
comment
Future Slang: When Dave gets sent to an dark alternate future, he reads a magazine called Jawbreaker that he finds incomprehensible. From the text provided, it's clear to the reader that it's an article about smashing a man's teeth out told in an almost impenetrable layer of subculture-specific slang and jargon.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_60441d9
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 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_6a6c1f35
type
The Power of Rock
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_6a6c1f35
comment
The Power of Rock: Carrying over from previous books, the creatures of darkness can’t stand the sound of good music. It's not clear whether "good" music is defined by the characters' appreciation of it or if there is some objective quality. It is used to great effect against the Magpie when it hatches. Dave describes it as “like a grenade going off inside a chicken”.
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 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_6b2b3b59
type
The Reveal
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_6b2b3b59
comment
The Reveal: John's kitchen has a cabinet door ominously labeled "Do not open." When Detective Coiffure instinctively moves to open the door, John stops him, saying it would make a terrible mess. Much later, the door actually does get opened, revealing that it's filled with wadded-up plastic shopping bags, which pour out all over the floor. Dave says it takes a half hour to return them all to the cabinet.
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_6b2b3b59
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_6b6556ee
type
Mentor Occupational Hazard
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_6b6556ee
comment
Mentor Occupational Hazard: Discussed. Upon learing of Marconi's health problems, Dave compares him to Dumbledore, Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Mufasa, Wade Garrett and Mickey from Rocky III, confidently stating that people like that can't die.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_6b6556ee
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 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_7012424f
type
Stealth Hi/Bye
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_7012424f
comment
Stealth Hi/Bye: Dave frequently notes how Joy can appear or disappear without anyone noticing. We see her do this from her perspective when she's impressing the Simurai, breaking apart into 777 insects and flying to a new location while they're distracted.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_7012424f
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 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_74c7bf4e
type
Forced Meme
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_74c7bf4e
comment
Forced Meme: John refers to something as da filthy, which he insists to Dave is the hip new slang the cool teens are using, but then he continues using the term because it pisses Dave off.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_74c7bf4e
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 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_751fa24e
type
Missing Time
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_751fa24e
comment
Missing Time: At three different points Dave, John and Amy jump ahead several minutes or even hours at once. The reason for this is the appearance of Fancy Dave from another timeline, whom the Universe apparently don't want them to remember.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_751fa24e
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The Alcoholic
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_7eebe99c
comment
The Alcoholic: John is still a heavy drinker, and one version of him is said to have died in a drunk driving collision. However, his alcoholism is less pronounced than in previous books.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_7eebe99c
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_7eebe99c
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_7eebe99c
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_7efe2c19
type
Portmanteau
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_7efe2c19
comment
Portmanteau: It's never acknowledged in the text, but the Simurai have apparently taken their name from "simulation" and "samurai."
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_7efe2c19
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_7efe2c19
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_7efe2c19
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_851dda8f
type
Humanoid Abomination
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_851dda8f
comment
Humanoid Abomination: Joy is one of these, but luckily she is Intrigued by Humanity and is perfectly happy being a fairly ordinary healthcare worker, podcaster and John’s roommate. We are also reminded Dave is technically one of these, with the story all but confirming he is the BATMANTIS??? from What The Hell Did I Just Read. He can turn into something terrifying, at least, and Joy teaches him how to do it consciously for the first time in order to kill the big butcher dude.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_851dda8f
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_851dda8f
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_851dda8f
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_863fa679
type
What Happened to the Mouse?
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_863fa679
comment
What Happened to the Mouse?: The extremely emaciated man implied to be a version of John who eats the pizza crusts out of Dave’s trash is never seen again or explained.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_863fa679
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_863fa679
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_863fa679
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_8774fb47
type
Eldritch Abomination
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_8774fb47
comment
Eldritch Abomination: As per usual for this series. This time around we have Xarcrax, a crab-monster / cult movement / mobile app / process to torture the entire human race and end the universe, named after a few misplaced letters of the brand name of a plastic drink cooler. Though of course the shadow men make their usual appearances, and one offhand line even implies our old buddy Korrok may be involved.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_8774fb47
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_8774fb47
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_8774fb47
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_8797239c
type
Bait-and-Switch
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_8797239c
comment
Bait-and-Switch: After the prologue, Amy is conspicuously absent from Dave’s apartment. The narration seems to imply she’s died or broken up with him, but actually she’s just vacationing in Japan and he’s depressed.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_8797239c
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_8797239c
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_8797239c
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_8a295a46
type
Cool Car
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_8a295a46
comment
Cool Car: These days, Dave drives around in a classic Chevy Impala that he got from the Knolls in WTHDIJR. He's annoyed by the attention it receives.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_8a295a46
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_8a295a46
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_8a295a46
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_93ed8515
type
Set Right What Once Went Wrong
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_93ed8515
comment
Set Right What Once Went Wrong: The story kicks off with a mysterious man appearing in John’s wall practically naming this trope word for word. Zig-Zagged in that the “Time Captain” is actually helping Xarcrax by repeatedly sending himself and Dave back in time to “fix” things, giving the Magpie more doomed timelines full of suffering to feed on. It’s not until Silva breaks the loop by killing him that our heroes are actually able to try and Set Right What… well, you get the picture.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_93ed8515
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_93ed8515
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_93ed8515
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_970c790a
type
Big Bad
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_970c790a
comment
Big Bad: The mysterious old man who appears to Dave in the shop. We later learn he’s Bas Galveston, from the future.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_970c790a
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_970c790a
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_970c790a
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_9b06e314
type
Greater-Scope Villain
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_9b06e314
comment
Greater-Scope Villain: The shadow men are implied to be, if not directly responsible for the story’s events, then at least tangentially connected to or taking advantage of them. Xarcrax itself. Whatever the hell it is, it already existed by the time Bas Galvatron came around, and he merely latched onto it and helped it along as a way of getting back at society. If Marconi’s writings are to be believed, everything in the entire series might be the result of the cosmic equivalent of “gods and devils” fucking around to spite each other
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_9b06e314
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_9b06e314
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_9b06e314
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_9c45b5a2
type
What Measure Is a Non-Human?
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_9c45b5a2
comment
What Measure Is a Non-Human?: Amy raises this in the prologue when the boys discuss killing the “Eve” parasite. Since the Simurai think reality is a simulation, they believe certain people are “Empties” — basically NPCs placed in their path as obstacles, and not actually human — and thus it’s okay to harm or kill them.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_9c45b5a2
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_9c45b5a2
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_9c45b5a2
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_9d12bbc1
type
Foreshadowing
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_9d12bbc1
comment
Foreshadowing: Dave tends to leave Joy out of his storytelling because he's not quite sure what to make of her and is kind of uncomfortable with the whole "swarm of hundreds of extradimensional bugs disguised as a human" thing. Fancy Dave's plan for saving the day doesn't work for this exact reason. Only when Dave brings Joy onboard do our heroes actually have a fighting chance. Whenever Dave tries to get some information about Joy's mysterious properties or abilities, she usually responds by turning the question back at him. This seems merely flippant until the end, when it's clear that she's also referring specifically to how Dave is the BATMANTISS??? and therefore has unknown qualities of his own.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_9d12bbc1
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_9d12bbc1
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_9d12bbc1
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_9dab0a6e
type
Continuity Nod
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_9dab0a6e
comment
Continuity Nod: Dave mentions urban legends that residents of Undisclosed turn into shapeshifting monsters, which he says are at least partially true.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_9dab0a6e
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_9dab0a6e
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_9dab0a6e
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_ad641426
type
Trademark Favorite Food
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_ad641426
comment
Trademark Favorite Food: Joy is constantly talking about getting ice cream.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_ad641426
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_ad641426
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_ad641426
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_af616e40
type
Accidental Misnaming
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_af616e40
comment
Accidental Misnaming: John is notoriously bad with names, and initially misidentifies their client (Regina Galveston) as “Vageena Galvatron”. Even after he’s corrected, he (and other characters) continue referring to her and her family with the surname Galvatron, even in the narrative. He also misidentifies Tim Kaplan as "Time Captain".
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_af616e40
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_af616e40
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_af616e40
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_b0d80b20
type
Technically Naked Shapeshifter
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_b0d80b20
comment
Technically Naked Shapeshifter: Joy once again demonstrates this by transforming her appearance to change her outfit as part of her dazzling display to the Simurai.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_b0d80b20
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_b0d80b20
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_b0d80b20
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_b53077b3
type
Take That!
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_b53077b3
comment
Take That!: The Magpie toy is one to addictive kids' games and lootbox-type toys. Even without being a conduit for using suffering to summon an eldritch monster of untold malice into our world, the thing's pretty sinister—it's built to keep you constantly paying attention to the app, with features to milk you for ever more money, and the method that determines what color Magpie you get is essentially gambling.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_b53077b3
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_b53077b3
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_b53077b3
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_b9e8ad28
type
The Multiverse
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_b9e8ad28
comment
The Multiverse: A recurring theme throughout the series, though it’s not as prominent this time around. However, Xarcrax is the first Big Bad to actually exploit the multiversal nature of the setting to its own gain by feeding off of multiple doomed timelines. Though the book seems to draw a distinction between parallel timelines and actual Alternate Universes. We see one with a much wealthier, more successful version of Dave, as well as one where he’s night warden at some kind of horrifying concentration camp.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_b9e8ad28
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_b9e8ad28
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_b9e8ad28
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_bb222e09
type
Danger Takes a Backseat
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_bb222e09
comment
Danger Takes A Back Seat: David makes it habit to say something like "I was wondering when you would show up," whenever he gets into his car to throw off anyone who might be waiting for him in the backseat. In the end, he tries to pull the back seat stunt on Dalton, but he falls asleep waiting for him, and Dalton spots him before getting into the car. David has to awkwardly convince Dalton to get into the car to talk.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_bb222e09
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_bb222e09
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_bb222e09
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_bce904b2
type
Desperately Craves Affection
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_bce904b2
comment
Desperately Craves Affection: This is the whole deal for most of the guys in the Simurai. When Joy is interacting with them, she notes one of them hasn’t been touched in seven years. Most of them don’t want to do fucked-up shit, they’ve just spent too much time being isolated. A touch on the cheek is all it takes to convince one to run off and start improving his life.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_bce904b2
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_bce904b2
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_bce904b2
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_c5b47b36
type
Offscreen Moment of Awesome
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_c5b47b36
comment
Offscreen Moment of Awesome: We see only the aftermath of Dave's transformation into BATMANTIS???, during which he ripped apart the hulking Mad Max attacker. Dave kills Dalton Galveston, who lifts weights, trains Muay Thai, and has a loaded rifle beside him. We don't find out how. David only reveals that the last thing Dalton says in the chapter were his last words.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_c5b47b36
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_c5b47b36
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1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_c5b47b36
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_ca87e3ec
type
No Name Given
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_ca87e3ec
comment
No Name Given: In spite of his fairly large role, we never learn the actual name of Detective Coiffure.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_ca87e3ec
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_ca87e3ec
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_ca87e3ec
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_cd70c3dc
type
CorruptCop
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_cd70c3dc
comment
Corrupt Cop: Detective Coiffure reveals that he's perfectly comfortable killing people to make his job easier.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_cd70c3dc
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_cd70c3dc
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_cd70c3dc
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_cf92fea8
type
Cassandra Truth
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_cf92fea8
comment
Cassandra Truth: Sebastian’s frustration with society’s ignorance and apathy toward his Abusive Parent, disregarding or outright enabling their behaviour, is his entire motivation for getting involved with Xarcrax.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_cf92fea8
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_cf92fea8
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_cf92fea8
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_d1b4f0ef
type
Everybody Lives
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_d1b4f0ef
comment
Everybody Lives: Thanks to the use of Reset Button at the end, every casualty of the main narrative is undone. Although Dave then kills Dalton Galveston anyway.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_d1b4f0ef
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_d1b4f0ef
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_d1b4f0ef
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_d9c4365c
type
Reset Button
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_d9c4365c
comment
Reset Button: Blowing up the Magpie and Bas refusing to follow the dark path resets everything back to the first chapter of the book.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_d9c4365c
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_d9c4365c
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_d9c4365c
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_dcdde3b
type
Inherent in the System
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_dcdde3b
comment
Inherent in the System: Bas Galveston’s belief in this is behind the entire plot, a burning conviction that not just his father needs to be punished, but the entire flawed society that enabled Dalton to keep getting away with his heinous acts against his own children, and It Is Beyond Saving.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_dcdde3b
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_dcdde3b
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_dcdde3b
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_deb39de3
type
Bad Future
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_deb39de3
comment
The Bad Future where Bas Galvatron and the Xarcrax cult take over. Aside from the Techno Dystopia elements mentioned below, the sky has been completely blacked out by the fully-grown Magpie, which now surrounds the Earth swallowing billions of severed human faces that are somehow alive and screaming in agony the entire time. Sheesh.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_deb39de3
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_deb39de3
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_deb39de3
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_dfe57573
type
Historical In-Joke
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_dfe57573
comment
Historical In-Joke: After the orbital weapon fires the second time around, Dave tells Bas to teleport the projectile “to Siberia” and “about a hundred years” back in time, thus implying the events of this book are responsible for The Tunguska Event.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_dfe57573
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_dfe57573
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1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_dfe57573
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_e3b0cd87
type
Morality Pet
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_e3b0cd87
comment
Morality Pet: Bas's relationship with his younger sister ultimately keeps him from becoming evil.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_e3b0cd87
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_e3b0cd87
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1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_e3b0cd87
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_e5411cdf
type
Cult
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_e5411cdf
comment
Since the Simurai think reality is a simulation, they believe certain people are “Empties” — basically NPCs placed in their path as obstacles, and not actually human — and thus it’s okay to harm or kill them.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_e5411cdf
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_e5411cdf
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_e5411cdf
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_e92841f
type
Talking the Monster to Death
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_e92841f
comment
Talking the Monster to Death: It’s rare that a JDAT book doesn’t end with the Big Bad getting violently blown up. Zig-Zagged in that trying to talk Bas down at the climax of his Evil Plan doesn’t work. Travelling back in time to give him a bit of marijuana-assisted therapy, though? Works like a charm. Joy and John are able to peacefully subdue the rest of the Simurai with a friendship circle and some inspirational speeches. The Magpie still gets violently blown up, though.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_e92841f
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_e92841f
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1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_e92841f
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_edeafb2e
type
Malicious Misnaming
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_edeafb2e
comment
Malicious Misnaming: While on the Sauce, Dave envisions himself as a warden in a concentration camp and has a bitter rivalry with another warden who always calls him "Wally." Dave understands that it's supposed to be an insult but doesn't understand why.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_edeafb2e
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_edeafb2e
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1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_edeafb2e
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_f251d263
type
Attack the Mouth
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_f251d263
comment
Attack the Mouth: When Dave slides into an evil alternate dimension at a quickie mart, he notices a magazine called Jawbreaker, which is apparently just a collection of pictures and articles about people getting their teeth smashed out.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_f251d263
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_f251d263
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_f251d263
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_fe64d5a1
type
Evil Is Petty
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_fe64d5a1
comment
Evil Is Petty: After revealing her true nature, Eve takes a moment to taunt Dave and company by saying that their fireworks suck.
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_fe64d5a1
featureApplicability
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_fe64d5a1
featureConfidence
1.0
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
hasFeature
If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_fe64d5a1
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_ff9e9dde
type
Once a Season
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_ff9e9dde
comment
Once a Season: As per usual, the Soy Sauce (now nicknamed “Armus / Arby’s Sauce”) comes into play, though this time it’s accidental. David touches some sauce on the cover of the Xarcrax book and goes on a trip that allows him to finally understand some of the time loop they’re all trapped in. John dies (or appears to die) and then turns out alright once again.
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe / int_ff9e9dde
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If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe

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 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
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 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
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 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
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Horror Comedy / int_56fbb06b
 If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe
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