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The Count of 9

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The Count of 9
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TheCountOf9
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The Count of 9 is a 1958 detective novel written by Erle Stanley Gardner (the creator of Perry Mason), originally published under the pen name "A.A. Lam".It was published under a pseudonym because it isn't a Perry Mason book. Instead, it's part of another series, a private detective story about the detective firm of Cool and Lam. Bertha Cool is the senior partner in the firm, but the narrator, protagonist, and far superior detective is her junior partner, Donald Lam.Cool and Lam are hired by adventurer/explorer Dean Crockett. Crockett is giving a party that night, and he has had persistent problems with guests stealing stuff from his parties. Unsurprisingly, Bertha botches the assignment, as someone steals a jade figurine and a blowgun right out from under her nose. She turns to Donald, the brains of the outfit. Donald makes some cunning deductions and figures out how the items were stolen. He returns the blowgun to Crockett's gorgeous wife Phyllis. He tracks down the jade figurine, and comes back to the Crockett mansion to return it—only to find that someone has murdered Dean Crockett, via a poison dart to the neck.
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Dropped link to PoisonedWeapons: Not a Feature - ITEM
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 The Count of 9 / int_18d15922
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Title Drop
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Title Drop: Donald takes a beating from some goons. A cop laughs at him, saying that he's taken "the full count" (that is, he's been knocked out). Donald says no, he's only taken "the count of 9."
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Leg Focus
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Leg Focus: The photo shoot that Donald walks into in the opening chapter has Palmer the photographer telling Eva Ennis, Bertha's attractive file clerk, to sit on a desk and point her legs down to show them off. Bertha is greatly irritated.
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Sexy Sweater Girl
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Sexy Sweater Girl: Donald notes with approval the "tight" sweater of Eva the sexy file clerk.
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Clueless Mystery
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Clueless Mystery: The solution, that Olney the business manager killed Crockett after Crockett began to suspect him of Stealing from the Till, comes out of nowhere with no foreshadowing or clues.
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Sexy Silhouette
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Sexy Silhouette: The commotion when Donald and the others are trying to gain entrance to Dean's room—they suspect, correctly as it turns out, that something is wrong—causes Phyllis to come out while wearing nothing but a negligee. The light catches her from behind and shows her figure with "disconcerting frankness."
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Grammar Nazi
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Grammar Nazi: Lt. Sellers of the police completely misses it when Olney gets fussy about the who/whom distinction.
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Stocking Filler
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Stocking Filler: When Donald pays a visit to Sylvia's apartment, she snuggles up to him on the couch in an effort to seduce him and get him on her side. He notes the "tightly stretched expanse of nylon stockings" on her legs, and her skirt eventually slides up to show the tops of her stockings.
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Buxom Beauty Standard
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Buxom Beauty Standard: It's a pulp detective novel so all the women meet the standard. Phyllis has a "curved chassis", and just a few pages later Donald says she has "curves, cleavage, and courtesy."
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Blinding Camera Flash
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Blinding Camera Flash: The very first paragraph has Donald walking into the office and being blinded by a camera flash. Bertha is having a photographer, Lionel Palmer, take publicity photos.
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Stealing from the Till
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Stealing from the Till: Eventually revealed as the motive. Olney, Crockett's business manager, was stealing from him. When Crockett started noticing something off in the books, Olney killed him.
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Danger Takes a Backseat
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Danger Takes a Backseat: Donald drives away from Mortimer Jasper's house, only to be surprised by two thugs who were hiding in the back seat of his car. They beat the hell out of him and steal the jade idol that Donald just received from Mortimer Jasper.
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Sexy Secretary
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Sexy Secretary: Elsie Brand, secretary at the Cool and Lam agency. Donald looks at her legs and tells her that hers are better than those of Eva the file clerk. Elsie is mildly jealous of the looks that Donald gives Eva. They seem to have a Bond-and-Moneypenny style flirtatious relationship.
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Hyper-Competent Sidekick
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Hypercompetent Sidekick: Donald Lam, the protagonist. Bertha manages the business side of things but clearly isn't much of a detective. Whenever something needs figuring out, she calls Donald.
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Crushing Handshake
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Crushing Handshake: Donald complains that he "could almost feel the bones crunch" when Dean Crockett shakes his hand. Later he beats a quick retreat before Dean can shake his hand again.
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National Geographic Nudity
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National Geographic Nudity: Bertha thinks little of Crockett's slide show of his trip to Borneo, which among other things contains a lot of "women naked from the waist up."
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Fanservice Model
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Fanservice Model: Sylvia Hadley, the curvaceous model who has modeled nude for both Phyllis (who paints) and Palmer the photographer.
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The Count of 9

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