...it's like TV Tropes, but LINKED DATA!
Polish the Turd
- 256 statements
- 27 feature instances
- 19 referencing feature instances
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Polish the Turd | comment |
So you've got the job of producing, managing, or marketing something. It could be a consumer product, an album, a film, anything but whatever it is, it's bad, or at least mediocre. The concept is so fundamentally flawed, or the execution so rushed and so badly thought out, that no one in their right mind would buy it or watch it or read it or listen to it or enjoy it on its own merits. Fixing it would require a total overhaul, which you don't have the time or money for, and the higher-ups don't care how terrible it may be, as long as they get their money out of it. You can't just abandon it — too many resources have been sunk into it, or your marketing agency has been hired to manage promotion, and as lame as that product is, it's your job to make it look good. So what do you do? You try your best to make it look better than it is and hope that it's effective enough to sell a few million copies. Maybe you'll try presenting Negatives as a Positive, as in Never Needs Sharpening or Asbestos-Free Cereal. You can use Exact Words to give some False Reassurance. If you're really good, you can manage to avoid making it sound like it's Damned by Faint Praise. Incidentally, the MythBusters have proven that you can indeed polish a literal turd to a high shine without resorting to additional coatings if you dry it, pulverize it, reconstitute it and pat it until very smooth. Bless those boys. We might need to change the expression to "You can polish a turd, but it's still a turd." There are numerous ways of doing this, many of which are Tropes on their own, and yes, all examples are Truth in Television. Note that the special effects industry uses a similar term, "turd polishing", in reference to ensuring the high-quality appearance of something that is intended to look ugly. Therefore, that is not this trope. Do not confuse either with turds from Poland. Also has nothing inherently to do with Solid Gold Poop, although it may be subjected to this treatment. Examples |
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DBTropes | |
Polish the Turd / int_21e1640f | type |
Polish the Turd | |
Polish the Turd / int_21e1640f | comment |
JonTron mocks the infamous Bubsy 3D for this, noting how they listed the most basic of "features" a platforming game could have, such as running, jumping, swimming, and extra lives, as selling-points on the back of the box. | |
Polish the Turd / int_21e1640f | featureApplicability |
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JonTron (Web Video) | hasFeature |
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Polish the Turd / int_261c8d3f | type |
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Polish the Turd / int_261c8d3f | comment |
The Real Estate example is cited over and over without its actual meaning being explained. The famous lines from The Simpsons example shows a gross exaggeration of the subtler way these turds get polished. Words that are objective are signs that a house really is nice and will sell for a high price. For example, "granite counters." This is a desirable trait and it is either present or not. "Maple floors." Either they are there or they are not. Corian is a brand name; it's there or it's not. "Large" and "small" are subjective, but 2500 square feet is 2500 square feet no matter where you go. A high number of words or phrases which do not have a subjective meaning are indicative of a house that really is of high quality and therefore will likely sell at a better price. Subjective but positive words are like damning with faint praise; the claim cannot be objectively measured. "Good neighborhood?" Not only is it subjective, but it doesn't talk about the house in question. "Well-maintained?" Subjective and code for "it's old." "Cozy?" It's small. "Charming?" Whatever it means, it sounds positive. Words that sound nice but cannot be pinned down to a specific, objective meaning are indicative of an all-natural colon extrusion being put through the fantastic, charming, space age, one-of-a-kind surface refinishing system. Wired Magazine visits the topic by reprinting a discussion from Freakonomics. |
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The Simpsons | hasFeature |
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Polish the Turd / int_27831967 | type |
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This was parodied in Parks and Recreation, with a health food bar that advertised itself as containing 8 grams of fat per serving. It also considered each bar to contain four servings. | |
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Butt-Head from Beavis And Butthead: "You can't polish a turd, Beavis." Except Beavis already has; he keeps it in his dresser. | |
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Beavis and Butt-Head | hasFeature |
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The Working Joes in Alien: Isolation look like the unholy spawn of The Crash Dummies and the Blue Man Group, and basically seem to act like Clippy piloting a mannequin, because Seegson Synthetics was way behind the Weyland-Yutani Corporation's line of Synthetics and simply couldn't catch up. Thus, they spun it with the claim "with the Working Joes, you always know exactly what you're dealing with" to feed into general mistrust of human-looking androids and try and claim it's a feature. Nobody is fooled, these things only seem to be found in Seegson-owned operations, and even Amanda comments that "no wonder Seegson is losing the tech race" the first time she sees one of these things. | |
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Alien: Isolation (Video Game) | hasFeature |
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Polish the Turd / int_3a38519 | type |
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Apple store developers will occasionally use odd methods to inflate a poorly-received product's score. For instance, the notorious Dungeon Keeper Mobile redirects people who rate it 1-4 stars to a service page and makes them jump through several hoops, causing people who just want to register their dislike for the game to give up in disgust and do something else. Five-star reviews, on the other hand, just get published. | |
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Dilbert: Dogbert demonstrates how to do this for real estate. Scott Adams wrote an entire Dilbert-themed book, The Way of the Weasel, explaining how language may be misused to sell crap and to make bad situations look way better than they are. |
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Hot Shots! parodied this with an ad that admitted that its makers were paying off audience members in exchange for raves, which foreshadowed the death of the practice when — as part of the David Manning scandal — it was revealed that Sony had hired actors to play audience members in an ad for The Patriot (2000). | |
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Parodied to a lesser extent in Hot Fuzz, after Nicholas and Danny suffer through a dreadful production of Romeo and Juliet, a journalist asks for Nicholas' opinion, to which he replies in the most emotionless and unenthusiastic voice ever "...highly enjoyable." | |
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When Paramount was losing money on Mommie Dearest (1981), the studio found out that some viewers were watching it for its unintentional humor value, so it came out with an ad with a coat hanger on it and the tagline "Meet the biggest MOTHER of them all!" | |
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MommieDearest | hasFeature |
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Is your game falling behind in development? Advertise with awesome concept art. Daikatana made people pretty excited with concept art of the three main characters and nothing else, several years before anything was even slightly playable. | |
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Rerez points out how the Game.com heavily advertised its speech capabilities to cover up the fact that the thing was far less impressive graphically and gameplay-wise than even the Game Boy: | |
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Speaking of, is your game a shameless ripoff of a popular game? Take the Enchanted Portals route and claim "it's been favourably compared" to the game it's mimicking, downplaying that it's only been compared to that other game and that most (though not quite all) comparisons have been unfavourable. | |
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Polish the Turd / int_77b2a508 | type |
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A weird variant (if not subversion...) happened with The Lonely Lady. A disastrous test screening and the studio wondered what to fix. The publicist responsible was John Wilson, founder of the Golden Raspberry Awards, who knew it was both an unsalvageable disaster (in his book, Wilson said that trying to cut out the laughs led to about 17 minutes of film) and a forerunning favorite to his "awards". He persuaded the studio to re-instate the rough cut with only a couple of minor alterations, knowing full well that the film would gain far more of a cult reputation if it were So Bad, It's Good instead of just mediocre and forgettable, as the studio's re-edit would have been. Wilson even convinced them to retain one of the most ridiculous scenes, which the studio wanted to excise, and later justified when questioned by another person by saying "if they cut it out, they'd be ruining a perfectly awful movie!" | |
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The Lonely Lady | hasFeature |
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Tell people that only a fool wouldn't recognize how awesome it is. | |
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The Emperor's New Clothes | hasFeature |
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When grilled by the press, never give a straight and precise answer. Always fall back on buzzwords and claim that change is happening "in the fullness of time, at the appropriate juncture." | |
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Yes, Minister | hasFeature |
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The dark comedy Wag the Dog features Dustin Hoffman and Robert De Niro as a Hollywood producer and political strategist, respectively, who have to hoodwink the American public about a presidential sex scandal. They fake a war and use everything at their disposal to Polish The Turd and make a fake war seem real, emotional, heroic, and touching. For example, they introduce a war hero character. A military prisoner is selected for the role. He turns out to be an insane rapist who dies before the public can see him. DeNiro and Hoffman make him a martyr figure who makes the whole USA cry Manly Tears. | |
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Wag the Dog | hasFeature |
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Polish the Turd / int_923dd091 | type |
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Also parodied in CollegeHumor's "Ice Age in 4D", in which the reactions of each audience changes as the 3-D Movie moves up a dimension. Notably, the first guy consistently talks about the movie, while the other people become increasingly irrelevant. | |
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Parodied in a 1980s fake commercial from Saturday Night Live, in which every person who attended a stage hypnotist's Broadway show droned "I loved it. It was much better than Cats. I'm going to see it again and again" with identical blank stares. | |
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One of German TV's most successful... everything (producer, singer, show host, etc.) nowadays is Stefan Raab, who is often said could "aus Scheiße Gold machen"... which is about the German translation of the Trope (literal, "make gold out of shit"). He picks up about any possible concept and makes a fortune with it. Sometimes he also does something that isn't bad to begin with, like Germany's 2010 Eurovision winner, Lena. | |
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Eurovision Song Contest | hasFeature |
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Polish the Turd | |
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Ad Turds has a whole archive full of imperfectly polished turds in advertising. | |
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Did your studio use an established IP to make a sequel that shares only the title and character names with the game series so far? Just say it is taking the franchise into new, uncharted territories. Even better, describe changing the whole gameplay as "bold steps in game design" and "badly needed modernisation", especially when you are ripping-off currently popular gameplay elements and implement them in the most bland and uninspired fashion. | |
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Polish the Turd | |
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An episode of Johnny Bravo brings us "The Shovelizer", an exercise machine that is nothing more than a rusty shovel. Testimonials to its effectiveness are glowing with everyone being too stupid to realize that the only reason they're losing weight and gaining muscle is that they're just moving around a lot more. | |
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Polish the Turd / int_cfb3439a | comment |
Though not necessarily considered a horrible game, Brütal Legend could be seen as falling into this part of the trope. All the previews and demos showed off the action-adventure parts of the game, but the real-time strategy battles which made up just as much of the game (if not more) as the action-adventure parts were completely absent. Some reviewers and players were more than a little unhappy with such an important part of the gameplay being kept hidden away and may have lead to the ultimately mixed reception that the game has. This was particularly sad because Brütal Legend had tremendous potential as a multiplayer game thanks to the RTS elements, but keeping them hidden away crippled the possibility of public matchmaking for the game's players. |
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In Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Greg's school does this to foods to encourage healthy eating. For example, bland carrot sticks become Xtreme Sportz Stix despite being carrots with no real sports connection. | |
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Doctor turned comic writer Richard Gordon recalls a reference for employment from a senior GP who once used him as a locum. The killer line was | |
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Polish the Turd | |
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About the Star Trek: Voyager episode "The Cloud", SF Debris said it was very well performed despite the terrible script. "It's like a four-tier wedding cake made out of shit. It's an incredible achievement, a masterpiece in some respects. But the point that cannot be missed is that it's made out of shit." | |
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